Who do you owe a debt of gratitude?

There really are no “self-made” men or women.  That’s an illusion at best and self-deception at worst.

As a nation we celebrated “Memorial Day” yesterday…Wikipedia helps us remember the origin and why of the day.

Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May. Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates U.S. men and women who died while in the military service.^[1] First enacted to honor Union soldiers of the American Civil War (it is celebrated near the day of reunification after the Civil War), it was expanded after World War I.

According to Professor David Blight of the Yale University History Department, the first Memorial Day was observed by formerly enslaved black people at the Washington Race Course in Charleston, South Carolina. The race course had been used as a temporary Confederate prison camp in 1865 as well as a mass grave for Confederate soldiers who died there.

Immediately after the cessation of hostilities, formerly enslaved people exhumed the bodies from the mass grave and reinterred them properly with individual graves. They built a fence around the graveyard with an entry arch and declared it a Confederate graveyard. The work was completed in only ten days. On May 1, 1865, the Charleston newspaper reported that a crowd of up to ten thousand, mainly black residents, including 2800 children, proceeded to the location for included sermons, singing, and a picnic on the grounds, thereby creating the first Decoration Day.^[2]

Many people observe this holiday by visiting cemeteries and memorials. A national moment of remembrance takes place at 3 p.m. local time. Another tradition is to fly the flag of the United States at half-staff from dawn until noon local time. Volunteers often place American flags on each grave site at National Cemeteries.

Some Americans view Memorial Day as the unofficial beginning of summer and Labor Day as the unofficial end of the season.

The original intent covers a wide spectrum of life: the realities of sacrifice, hard-history, and freedom and the unofficial start of a new season…Memorial Day.

The bottom line: many people are a part of your story and a response of gratitude keeps us living in reality. 

Perhaps you are returning from an extended weekend or early summer vacation as you read this.  But my conviction about personal growth and success is built, in part, on the practice of remembering:

The best predictor of future success is the ability and willingness to learn and change achieved through consistent reflection on truth found in one’s Story.

-Steve Laswell

Your ability to grow and change depends on your willingness to learn from history… your Story.

“That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history.”     -Aldous Huxley

“If men could learn from history, what lessons it might teach us! But passion and party blind our eyes, and the light which experience gives us is lantern on the stern which shines only on the waves behind.”    -Samuel Taylor Coleridge
 

“What experience and history teach is this – that people and governments never have learned anything from history, or acted on principles deduced from it.”    -G. W. F. Hegel
 

“Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”    -George Santayana

To gain greater freedom you must create space.  Creating space is a disciplined use of time and place and resources to reflect on the truth in your story. 

What is the alternative?

Loss of freedom. Without space to reflect you will live with some limitation.

The Next Level Journey is about engaging in your story for truth so you may achieve your purpose in life.

How much space are you creating for reflection?

What part of your story is bringing you greater freedom…a new season?

What six character-related traits do successful people cultivate?

Photo by The Marmot

The business of successful people is character.

Last week I suggested there are three, broad areas that successful people master:

1. Competence – the ability to do something well; skills, aptitude, know-how, talent, expertise in a field or profession
2. Relationships – the connection with others that allows effective partnering or informal partnerships that are mutually beneficial
3. Character – the positive qualities that make it possible to achieve significant accomplishments

Recently I enjoyed lunch with a business leader in Oklahoma City to explore an executive coaching engagement.

As we sat down, he explained his deep commitment to integrity; everything would be on the table.  It was one of the purest “sales meetings” I’ve ever experienced; it was great.

Integrity.

When do people tend to encounter performance issues, relationship challenges, or office conflict? 

People “get into trouble” when they lack an ability to follow high moral principles or professional standards, we say they lack integrity.  The synonyms reveal a lot about basic integrity…honesty, truthfulness, honor, reliability, and uprightness.

There is this broader expression of integrity key performers develop which leads to greater personal success. This is what Dr. Henry Cloud defines integrity as “the courage to meet the demand of reality” in his book Integrity. 

This presents the truth: “who a person is” affects the successful use of talent, skills, partnerships, and life to make a difference.  As Cloud writes,

“The most important tool ultimately is the person and his or her makeup, and yet it seems to get the least amount of attention and work.”

What are the essential qualities that will determine our success in business and life?  Consider Cloud’s list of six character traits rooted in integrity.  Successful people…

Create and maintain trust of those they lead and capture their hearts

Are able to see and face reality

Work in a way that brings results, desired outcomes

Embrace negative realities, problem people, obstacles, setbacks, failures and finds solutions

Creates growth in their organization, their people, themselves, their business

Achieve transcendence and meaning in life beyond their own interests, with a commitment to a larger mission

Ken Blanchard, co-author of The One Minute Manager writes:

“The number one characteristic that people want leaders to demonstrate is integrity – people who walk their talk and lead a life of character.”

It comes down to this:  personal issues (matters of integrity) that are unaddressed will not only box you in, but also limit your success.

Which one of the six “character traits” needs your attention?

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Photo by Mark Vassalo

How does character affect your success?

If the business of business is people, then the business of successful people is character.

As The People Developer, my passion is to help people gain a greater understanding of —

• who they are
• the truth of the story
• their desired outcomes, and
• current reality 

Supporting a person along the path toward greater freedom and performance improvement is very fulfilling.

The successful person functions well in three key areas…

1. Competence – the ability to do something well; skills, aptitude, know-how, talent, expertise in a field or profession
2. Relationships – connecting with others to establish effective partnering or informal partnerships that are mutually beneficial
3. Character – those positive qualities that make it possible to achieve significant accomplishments  

Have you ever known someone that was bright, competent…they could make things happen, close the deal but something “got in the way” of consistent accomplishment?

Now, bring it closer to home.

When do you feel like there is something “holding you back” from your full potential?

If we settle for the simple meaning of character as “what I do when no one is watching” we could still fall short of personal success.  Of course, the importance of ethics and morals is important. 

What happens when you explore those aspects of who you are as a person that may require additional development? 

What happens when you move beyond basic integrity – truthful, honest, and ethical – to examine key performance areas that lead to greater success?

In his book Integrity, Dr. Henry Cloud writes about what often is neglected in personal development.

“The most important tool ultimately is the person and his or her makeup, and yet it seems to get the least amount of attention and work.”

Have you ever hit a performance ceiling that is truly below your talent capacity and you knew you could do better?

Have you ever hit a wall that hindered or derailed your progress? 

Have you ever been on the path toward great success only to self-destruct?

The journey to your next level involves reflection on these reality checks that show up as

• being “stuck”
• an inability to “deal with” something that becomes self-limiting, or
• a self-inflicted defeat after achieving a higher level of success

In such moments, we often say a person “got in their own way”.  Often this has to do with the person.  Personal issues can keep us “stuck” or allow us to be “successful”.

When approaching this personal development side of character Cloud defines it as “the ability to meet the demands of reality.”  He suggests there are two sides to facing reality, the:

• Interpersonal side – difficult people and relationships that must be handled to get things done
• Task side – for example a project goes south; you either retreat or get back up for the next challenge

Character, as the ability to meet the demands of reality is about growth, developing into the person who can deliver. 

The demands and surprises of life, the jolts – the unexpected and unsolicited hardships – are part of reality.  They are part of The Story.  When you commit to consistent reflection on The Story for truth, opportunity to grow comes in the form of character development.  Then, success is sure to find you.

“The ability to meet the demands of reality.”

What does reality have to do with success?

One of the attendees of our recent event, The Lemonade Journey wrote me about her story and her “take away” from the morning.

Bombs happen…it is part of life.  How you react determines the outcome. 

My bomb was my employer telling me I was difficult to work with.  Never saw that coming.  Always prided myself on being a valuable, hard working employee.  An asset. Certainly not the fastest or most tech savvy employee but loyal, determined, and passionate about customer service. 

Being the people pleaser, I am; I took this very hard; perhaps too hard.

Another way at looking at a “jolt” along life’s journey is to think of it as a “reality check”.  

Do you seek reality?

As a people developer, I naturally observe people.  I’ve found we have one of three responses to the “call to grow”.  The person may:

1. Know something is holding them back, but not know what to do
2. Know something is holding them back, but does not slow down to address it
3. Not know, while others around them know

Likewise, there are three responses to dealing with the truth about who you are, where you are, and how well you are leading your life.  When it comes to reality, people will:

1. Assume they know what’s going on, so they act or think as if they know what’s going on
2. Seek reality as the friend it is designed to be
3. Avoid reality steering clear of the truth using denial or minimization to avoid it 

What is the “best predictor” of future success?

What comes to mind when you think of success predictors?

Often we think in terms of education, talents, strengths, skills, right place at the right time, or knowing the right person, and hard work.

While all of these contribute to finding an opportunity, here it is:

“The Best Predictor of Future Success” is the ability &  willingness to learn & change achieved through consistent reflection on the truth found in one’s story…experience, feedback, success, & failure.”

Where do you look for reality?

The story, your story delivers the truth needed to experience freedom, growth, and success.

When we look in these three directions, we will discover reality:

1.  Your world – What is true around you, your work, your company, the market, the world?  What is really going on when you let go of the assumption you “already know”? To say it another way, challenge your assumptions. 

Ask the question: “What is it really like out there?”

2.  You – What do you think about feedback?  Is it more like the “noise in a loudspeaker” or useful information for guiding your journey?   When embraced, feedback helps you get from where you are today to “there”.  Do you wait for feedback or actively seek it?

Ask the question: “What is it like to encounter me?”

3.  Others – The business of business (life) is people.  The only thing that truly matters is our relationships. Interestingly enough, when it comes to reality, your past relationships tend to influence how you see others today.  Whether an unresolved past, your own needs, or your own self-image, how you see others affects reality.

Ask the question: “How do I see this person, and why?”

What does reality have to do with success?

Yareli Arizmendi says, “As artists, the pleasure is to really have your work resonate and mean something. Art takes its inspiration from reality.”

A sense of joy in our work comes when we live with purpose and passion, serving others. Today is a blank canvass; paint your new chapter gaining direction and inspiration from your story.

When you seek and embrace truth, freedom comes; enjoy the journey.

Whether our friend is “hard to work with” or not I don’t know.  However, her “reality check” does provide opportunity to engage in conversation in pursuit of truth.  Why waste the pain?

How are you responding to reality?

What do you do with a jolt in life?

Last week I shared the stage with Jim Stovall at The Lemonade Journey in Tulsa. The event offered support to people facing uncertain times.  

The Lemonade Journey is about how we respond to life’s jolts and the opportunity to create something better. 

The Lemon Story gives insights for life’s journey, especially during uncertain times…

• Lemon juice represents real life hardships that jolt us.  These unexpected and unsolicited events carry an emotional shock that can send us into a hostage-like experience.
•  Combine water with the lemon juice and things improve.  Water is life; no water and life is short.  The first thing scientists search for on other planets when looking for life is water.   Adding water to lemon juice represents understanding your purpose in life.
• Mix in sugar and you have a refreshing beverage on a hot summer’s day.  Sugar makes things more agreeable, less painful or trying.  Those carbohydrates provide our bodies energy to function, that “get-up-and-go” life requires.  Sugar is water-soluble and represents passion; an excitement, enthusiasm and love for life.

The Lemon Story is about transformation; lemon juice changes into “something better” when combined with water and sugar. 

How is this true in life? 

You can transform something shocking, unsatisfactory or unexpected into “something better” when your purpose and passion in life are mixed in.

That jolt can send us into a hostage-like existence, a box if you will. This is where fear-based thinking and ancient, negative behaviors hold people captive, hindering future success.

Finding your way out of the box requires creating space.  This path out of the box requires the disciplined use of time and place, and resources. 

The key to growth is reflection on the truth found in your story.  

Your commitment to consistent reflection where you have time and place to listen to your story will allow you to create “something better.” 

The path out of the box leads to your Spacious Place.  Here you live with the commitment to life as an adventure.  Here you are free to live your life with purpose and passion while serving others.  Here you add water and sugar to the lemon juice and begin to create something new and refreshing.

The Lemonade Journey is about how you respond to life’s jolts and the opportunity to create something better.  It is about transformation, the process of change, performance improvement, and personal growth.

Have you experienced a recent jolt?

Where are you in “The Lemonade Journey”?

What do you need in your life today to move toward your dream?