The New York Times column, “Gadgetwise: Getting Smart about Personal Technology” recently featured an article by Jenna Wortham. I was struck by the topic: “Newfound Use for the iPhone: Sleep Aid”.

A few nights ago, I found myself tossing and turning in bed for hours, unable to still my mind and settle down for the night. I debated reading a book, watching TV or flipping open my laptop to find a some soothing tunes to help usher in the sweet relief of slumber.

Instead, I reached for my iPhone.

Last time I checked 82 comments are posted, people who are grateful for the tip, celebrating or sharing their favorite app for inviting sleep to their weary minds. 

One comment in particular caught my eye; Andrew Innes from Boston writes:

 I use my iPhone for the following:

camera (still/video)
alarm clock
stereo
newspaper
magazine reader
book reader
cookbook
video player
email checker
text messages
reference book
GPS/maps
exercise prompter
weight tracker
web browser
breathing exercises
calendar
contact database
game player
notebook/idea capture
social media interface
calculator
flashlight
guitar tuner
4-track recorder
radio station
piano
music transcription tool
sketchbook/drawing
and, oh yeah, a phone! (That is probably the functionality I use the least!)

Does he know and appreciate his iPhone or what?

What about Andrew’s romantic life?

 Ki Mae Heussner’s writes for ABC News. Her article featured the South by Southwest Interactive conference held in Austin, Texas.  The story quotes Corinne Weisgerber, a panelist and assistant professor of communication at St. Edward’s University in Austin. She raises the question of “time displacement”, meaning the absence of face-to-face time due to heavy virtual connection.

The panelists also took a look a technology’s affect on romance. Ashley Brown, a marketing manager for an Austin-based higher education start-up called Classhive, said that she believes technology is “completely degrading” the way we communicate romance.

Given all the information that exists about each person online – from their Facebook profiles to Twitter updates – Brown said technology leapfrogs couples three months and has made the blind date practically obsolete.

But others thought that could be a good thing. “You kind of skip some of the crap early on,” said Jenn Deering Davis, co-founder and chief of community experience at Appozite, an Austin-based software start-up.

Weisberger added that online information complicates romance. It may be helpful to research potential dates and get the skinny on them before meeting them face to face, but it can also set up expectations.

Who needs more complication when it comes to romance?

Have you followed Andrew’s example?

The real question is not about romance and technology. Its not about the benefits of devices such as the iPhone.

The question is this: What do you appreciate about that person?  

Yes, “that” person could be someone you have conflict with with…or not. 

On another level, what do you appreciate about your life?

And last, when did you last send a personal note of gratitude?  

Do you remember encouraging someone by bragging on him or her, in their presence?

The Power of Gratitude

Who wouldn’t like to be more energetic, emotionally intelligent, forgiving, and less likely to be depressed, anxious, or lonely?

Who wouldn’t want to be happier, more optimistic, feel more socially connected, and enjoy better sleep?

Psychologists like Robert Emmons (Thanks! How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier) have connected the power of gratitude to provide such benefits. I like to call gratitude, the grease of life. Big picture:

The business of life is people.

The grease of life is gratitude.

Technology is nice, people are essential.

Hey Jenna, have you heard of the ancient app gratitude?

Disclosure: yes, I have an iPhone 4 with “Face Time”. Call me and we’ll connect “face-to-face”. 

Please join me in this conversation, I’d love to hear your thoughts; comments welcome below.

No doubt, you’ve read about Google’s top leadership change.  The Los Angeles Times reported on the regulatory filing submitted by Google to the Securities and Exchange Commission confirming an award for outgoing CEO, Eric Schmidt.

The members of the Leadership Development and Compensation Committee of Google’s Board of Directors (LDCC) approved equity awards for Eric Schmidt in the aggregate amount of $100 million on January 21, 2011. Consistent with Google’s equity-granting practice, stock options and Google Stock Units (GSUs) will be granted in the ratio of two stock options for each GSU, which will result in a GSU grant value of approximately $55.6 million and an option grant value of approximately $44.4 million.

The equity awards will be granted on February 2, 2011…and will vest over a four-year period.

In order to claim the entire $100-million equity award — the first such award Google is giving to the man who has served as its CEO over the last decade — Schmidt will have to remain at Google for at least the next four years.

Schmidt will need to stay around for another four years to receive his “nice pat on the back” along with the golden handcuffs.

The award is not only a nice pat on the back for Schmidt, it also gives him a reason not to head off and run any companies that are seeking to knock the Mountain View, Calif., firm off its perch as a Web search and advertising leader and a growing influence in smart-phone operating systems.

Speaking of Google, a search for “leadership development” created about 24,200,000 results (0.10 seconds). That’s a lot of leadership development “support” or not.  

Leadership development means what?

Leadership is the ability to lead, guide, direct or influence.

Development deals with a process of change in order to become stronger, more successful or helping someone to experience such a change.

Here’s my working definition for leadership development:

Leadership development is engaging in the process of personal change in order to expand one’s relationship influence for greater success.

Two Realities around Success Stories

The first reality is this thought: “Sure enough, I got here in spite of myself.” When I mention this to successful leaders, they usually just laugh and agree. 

Then, there is a second reality: “What got you here won’t get you there.” You are successful or you would not be reading this. Yes, we build on experience, feedback, success, and failure; to achieve “next level success” requires additional development.

Leadership development is engaging in the process of change in order to enlarge one’s relationship influence for greater success.

A new Page for Larry and Us

As leaders emerge there is a significant shift required; from technical savvy to leader savvy…from knowing how to DO to knowing how to BE and doing through others, that’s right, exercising the ability to lead, guide or influence PEOPLE.

Consider the story of Google’s new CEO, Larry Page.  As Nicholas Carlson reports in SFGate 

Googlers and ex-Googlers say the company’s new CEO, cofounder Larry Page, is an unpretentious, rude person who will find interacting with other people the most challenging part of his new job.

I don’t know Larry Page, but I do recognize the reality of the transition and transformation he is about to experience IF he is going to succeed.  I hope leadership development – the intentional engagement in the process of change in order to have relationship influence for continued success – is high on Larry’s agenda.

• How do you rate your “core leadership skills” (people skills) that allow you to influence others for greater success? 
• What do you base your response on; how do you know it is true?
• Where do you see opportunity to develop as a leader?

You may not be on the world’s stage like Larry Page, but leadership development is everyone’s personal responsibility whether you work for a Fortune 500 company or yourself.

Please join me in this conversation, I’d love to hear your thoughts; comments welcome below.

Picture: Wired.com

The call – at least at the individual level - is for new language to help us think about “work-life balance”. It is showing up in my work as an executive coach and developer of people. As we continue the conversation allow me to summarize…

Why the question in the first place?

This conversation begins with the concept of “work-life” and the unintended consequence of reinforcing life compartmentalization.  If it only relates to the budgeting of time, I get it. However, the word “balance” suggests stability, an even distribution of weight. When does that happen in your life? What expectation does the phrase set up?

My aim as behavior change agent is to encourage thinking that guides our approach and ability to live life well. I’ll leave it to others to talk about corporate “work-life balance” policies. My focus is on what we can do to support an amazing, productive, purpose-guided life as individuals.

What is “Life Harmony”?

Life Harmony is a new model for “work-life balance”. In my original post, I provided a video of COMMITTED singing Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” as performed on NBC’s “The Sing Off” to help us hear and see and experience performance-based harmony.

Life Harmony is about how we write our story and how our story fits into The Story. The assignment is to harmonize all the parts: you, yourself; your family, your community, and your work (co-workers); your mind, body, and spirit.

The Story is about the people. Life harmony – the NEW work-life balance – is the interweaving of all your roles, responsibilities, and relationships into a single narrative and liking what you experience as you “perform” life.

How do I create “Life Harmony”?

The need for this harmony in life is unquestionable. The toll on family relationships, due to longer hours and a hyper-focus on work, is real. A Career Builder nationwide survey sited in Part 2 of this post indicated that at least 22% of workers report they “don’t have time to pursue personal interests because they say they’re always working”.  Where is the Life Harmony in these survey responses?

• 15 percent reported that they would rather be working than at home.
• 12 percent said the amount of time spent on work is causing friction with their family.
• 9 percent are more concerned about approval from their boss than their family.

How do we create harmony in life? As I previously wrote, music provides part of the answer.

Music is created when the value of the notes is performed; the sound of a distinct pitch, quality, and duration whether vocal or instrumental. Such an arrangement of notes can lead to a pleasing combination of sounds: harmony.

To create and support Life Harmony (the new “work-life balance”) life will be guided by our values.  

When something is important it has greater value or worth. 

Our values help create “Life Harmony”

Who cares about peak performance?

Life Harmony leads to increased happiness; greater happiness leads to higher performance. As we identify and live according to our values life pays forward positive emotional support. 

Harmony does not just happen in music or in life. Life Harmony can happen when we

• Know our core values and live guided by them
• See the people & seek to serve others
• Develop life-skills for effective use of time & talent
• Determine to be present in the moment

If you have 7 minutes, here is a Harvard Business video interview with Steward Friedman, author of Total Leadership, Be a Better Leader, Have a Better Life on this topic.

To help you explore your values here is a NLEC coaching exercise, simply click and print your copy NLEC Value Worksheet; no registration is required.

Please join me in this conversation, I’d love to hear your thoughts; comments welcome below.

My informal LinkedIn survey indicates the language of “Work-Life Balance” doesn’t work for most people when it comes to “balance” in life.  

My concern, as an executive coach, is about helping leaders achieve greater life-success with less stress.

So, I’ll leave the corporate responsibility to others like Texas Instruments.

TI made Fortune Magazine’s “100 Best Companies to Work For” list (2009).  Working Mother Magazine named them one of its “100 Best Companies for Working Mothers” for the 14th consecutive year.

According to their Corporate Report, Texas Instruments work-life programs encompass flexible working options including flex time, compressed work weeks, part time, job sharing and telecommuting, as well as options to reduce stress and ease personal life.  

There’s nothing new here, but Career Builder conducted a nationwide survey to look at the pressure on today’s worker and indicators of work-addiction.

More than half of workers (52%) reported they put in more than 40 hours a week. Fourteen percent (14%) work more than 50 hours. Thirty-one percent (31%) bring home work at least once a week; one-in-ten (10%) bring home work at least every other day.

For a quarter of workers, it’s difficult to leave the office behind once they leave for the day.

• 24 percent of workers reported that when they’re at home or out socially, they’re still thinking about work.
• 19 percent often dream about work.
• 16 percent stated that most of their conversations – at work, home or out socially – always tend to focus on work.

Extended workdays and an unwavering focus on business while at home are taking a toll on family relationships.

• 22 percent of workers reported they don’t have time to pursue personal interests because they say they’re always working.
• 15 percent reported that they would rather be working than at home.
• 12 percent said the amount of time spent on work is causing friction with their family.
• 9 percent are more concerned about approval from their boss than their family.

Workers reported increased stress levels and health complications tied to pressures at work.

• 51 percent of workers reported their workloads have increased over the last six months.
• 27 percent have not taken a personal or sick day in the last few years.  (Emphasis added)

It sounds like many people are growing tired of living “out of balance”; it’s hurting important relationships and the health of our work force.  

Last week I initiated this conversation after a client coaching session and a recent request by a Director of Talent Strategies & Recruitment to address the topic. It remains my intent to offer a new model to help us think about “work-life balance”. 

The Wall Street Journal picked up on this tension in their article: “New Model for Work-Life Balance on Wall Street?”  Nick Leopard, 30 and Andy Blechman, 27 have formed a company called Accordion Partners that hires out experienced investment bankers by the hour.  Why?

Flexibility…appeals to a younger generation that rejects the Wall Street ethos that work means sacrificing a personal life. “Right now, we’re getting a ton of buzz from people that have been at the banks five years and want a change,” Blechman said. (Emphasis added)

Again, my focus is to support individual personal growth not advise corporate policy.  Remember who is responsible for how you live life, define success, and conduct your relationships?

What about “Life Harmony”?

(If you missed the introductory post it may help if you read it now.)

Life Harmony is a new model for “work-life balance”.

Life Harmony is about how you write your story…how your story fits into The Story of your self, your family, your community and co-workers (work).  

Life harmony happens as we interweave our roles, responsibilities, and relationships into a single narrative and…like it.

What guides the making of music?

Music continues to support our exploration of “Life Harmony”.  If you missed seeing the YouTube last week it will take 2 minutes now.  It is a powerful illustration of the new “Life Harmony”.

Now, how does that happen?

The relative duration of a musical note is the “value” given it.  There are whole notes, half-notes, and quarter-notes; there are more…even a hundred-twenty-eight note (that’s short and fast!)

The actual writing of music is known as notation:

It is the written expression of music notes and rhythms on paper using symbols. When music is written down, the pitches and rhythm of the music is notated, along with instructions on how to perform the music. (Emphasis added)

Music is created when the value of the notes is performed; including the sound of a distinct pitch, quality, and duration whether vocal or instrumental. Such an arrangement of notes can lead to a pleasing combination of sounds: harmony.

Creating “Life Harmony” (new “work-life balance”) is also supported by our assigned values.  

What’s that worth?

That’s the question - How much to do I value this…?

When something is important it has great value or worth. Whether “work-life balance” or “Life Harmony” knowing and living our values will help.

When was the last time you reviewed your values? 

How well is your life guided by your values? Where do you see conflict?   

Here is a coaching exercise to help you with this, simply click and print your copy NLEC Value Worksheet. 

Our values help guide ”Life Harmony”.

How is your “work-life balance” affecting important relationships and your health?

How can you tap into your values to create Life Harmony? What’s “one thing”?  

The conversation around “work-life balance” is very interesting.

According to Wikipedia “work-life balance” was first used as an expression

…in the late 1970s to describe the balance between an individuals work and personal life. In the United States, this phrase was first used in 1986.

Over the past twenty-five years, there has been a substantial increase in work which is felt to be due, in part, by information technology and by an intense, competitive work environment. Long-term loyalty and a “sense of corporate community” have been eroded by a performance culture that expects more and more from their employees yet offers little security in return.

One can say that Work–life balance is the proper prioritizing between “work” (career and ambition) on one hand and “life” (pleasure, leisure, family and spiritual development) on the other.

This is an introductory post. My intent is to offer a different model as we think about how we “do life”. (Perhaps you’ll help me with your comments?)

How well does life compartmentalization work…really?

One of my clients is a decade into a successful career, has C-level responsibilities and a beautiful family. His company sees even greater leadership potential and that’s why I’m coaching him.

Mike’s* technical skills are superior; his development opportunity resides in what I call “core leadership skills” i.e. people skills.

One of my coaching exercise helps leaders evaluate their Support System. To navigate life’s transitions and transformation we all must have the help and encouragement of others.  As Mike completed the reflective exercise he began to wrestle with this concept of “balance”.

What does balance have to do with life?

As I listened and asked questions, he sketched something like this in his journal:

How realistic is this as a model for life? 

How does a cross beam, supported in the center with two pans of equal weight suspended on each end realistically represent life? ”Work-life balance”?

Think about it; what does it take to obtain “stability” with this instrument? Right, an even distribution of weight…yes, balance. However, I find life more complex than what two pans, suspended on a balance beam can represent?

When is work not a part of life and life not a part of work?

A different word came to my mind as I listened to Mike’s story.

Allow me introduce this other concept with an entertaining 2 minute video.

Please listen and observe COMMITTED as they perform Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” on NBC’s “The Sing-Off”.

What did you hear and see?

Here’s what I hear: harmony.

According to www.i.word.com/dictionary harmony is defined as

:the combination of simultaneous musical notes in a chord

:pleasing or congruent arrangement of parts

Whether this music style appeals to you or not, did you hear the harmony?

There is a combination of six simultaneous voices in a pleasing arrangement. Harmony. Wow!

And, here’s what I see: harmony.

You may want to watch the video again. Did you notice how the melody flowed from person to person in a congruent arrangement?

The harmony came out of an agreed arrangement of the parts.

The agreed arrangement of the parts created beautiful, awesome, powerful music.

What does “Life Harmony” sound like…look like?

This is where it gets even more exciting!

Harmony is defined by www.i.word.com/dictionary

:an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative

Seriously, how do you divide life into two parts…work life / personal life?

How about “Life Harmony”?

Life Harmony is blending the four parts of the story: self, family, community, and work.

Think about it, The Journey begins when we show up as an individual; the new member of a family; finding our place in community; where we learn to make our contribution to society through meaningful work. That’s the story.

Every day life is the challenge to bring harmony to the story. To interweave all the different parts into a single, pleasing, congruent narrative.

The Story is the Story.

One of my favorite coaching principles is around ”the Story”, summed up as:

Everyone has a Story

Every day we add to our Story

Today, you will have influence on someone’s Story

Life Harmony is the interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative.

If you have 2 minutes, listen to COMMITTED sing “Let’s Stay Together” again?

Imagine your life lived with such harmony and free flow between the many parts.

How many parts are in your narrative?

We have many roles in life.

Just to illustrate: I’m a man, a son, and brother; husband, dad, and grandpa; an executive coach, business owner, speaker, equipper, and author; friend, neighbor, resident of Tulsa, and follower of Jesus Christ…you get the point.

How many roles do you have in life?

My intent is to offer a different model as we think about how we “do life”; something other than “Work-Life Balance”. What if we think in terms of Life Harmony?

What if we make music?

Let’s interweave person hood, family life, community, and work into a single narrative? We could call it “The Story”.  What would the story sound like?

What do you think? Please enter the conversation with your comment below.

Who can you forward this exploration to?

*Not his real name