You never know when you’re making a memory. 

                                                                                                    – Rickie Lee Jones

Picture Credit:  Darren Livingston 

Have you been down “memory lane” lately? 

This past weekend provided me a lot of opportunity to remember. 

Memory is vital to personal growth … memory is our ability to retain information or knowledge from past events or experiences; that capacity to recollect and retrieve information. 

Last Friday, Rita and I returned to my hometown of Neodesha, Kansas.  (Don’t worry, very few have heard of Neodesha.) 

Some things have changed: the grade school and high school I attended have been replaced; there’s a new $2.1 million dollar swimming pool and a new ball park covers the old public swimming pool. There are vacant lots where small frame houses once stood; demolished after the last flood or just because it was time.

By mid-afternoon we loaded up to explore familiar stories and paths…

…the Mill Creek Street Bridge, where my friend Rick Elkins and I slid into the icy cold river when the ice gave way

…North on 8^th Street past the brick-lined ditch, the scene where I was thrown from a horse; after a trip to emergency room and no broken bones, I came out with a “Zorro” mark on my left arm, then the  

…the neighborhoods where we played and rode our bikes, back in the day when we were free to explore and roam.  

What an entertaining excursion down memory lane.  

My parents, James and Vivian Laswell, live in what was once my grandparent’s home.  My dad’s birthday is March 26; we were able to convince him to go out for dinner to celebrate #82. Dad believes a home cooked meal is the best meal AND the best value!   

Yes, the trip provided me plenty of evidence, time is slipping away.

The next day we headed north for Wichita, Kansas. Pam is a member of our extended family, it was her special day. We gave the gift of our presence and enjoyed re-connecting with family and friends at her wedding and reception. 

(Things sure have changed since our three daughter’s weddings. Note: future Father of the Bride – here’s some good news: it appears expectations are becoming more “reasonable” regarding what makes a great wedding day.)

Participating in their wedding sparked my recollection of Sunday, September 12, 1976. To this day, my gratitude for God’s gift of Rita and our story of 35+ years remains; “…for better, for worse; for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health, so long as we both shall live.”

My weekend trip down memory lane has me continue the conversation of my past two blogs…may I invite you to reflect on life and how you think about time?

To summarize the key points -

1. Live today: we don’t know what will happen tomorrow
2. Lighten up: we’re not really in control
3. Value the moment: life vanishes quickly
4. Slow down: time doesn’t fly, we do
5. Learn to say “No”: we’re responsible

Now, let’s add one more thought to this matter of life and time.

What’s your posthumous impression? 

Have you noticed how much time and energy can go into managing one’s image? In fact, the bigger the stage or ego the greater the effort required … or so it seems. 

There is an impression retained by others after our earthly life is over; the “posthumous impression”. 

How do we make a great posthumous impression when by definition, we’re no longer present to manage it?  Let me state the obvious: our posthumous impression is predetermined by how we live today. 

When we live in the present… lighten up… value the moment… slow the pace… and learn to say “no”, our ability to remember and our memories may improve.

Live well this day then how you’ll be remember will take care of itself.

Mother Teresa reminds us of time’s reality, may we choose wisely…

Yesterday is gone.

Tomorrow has not yet come.

We have only today.

Let us begin.

When will you make a trip down “memory lane”?

For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the

eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

                                                                                                 – Doug Larson

We began to explore the reality check of time last week when I invited you to think about two ideas:

1. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow … we’re not really in control
2. Life is brief … value each day

Leaders recognize the responsibility to lead their own lives before trying to lead others. To understand and value time is helpful.  When we live as if today is all we have we could begin to see the people and seize the moment.

What is really flying?

As we embrace the reality check of time this idea that “time flies” surfaces. 

When was the last time you said something about time flying? How often do you feel rushed or like you can’t get things done?

Logically, we know time is consistent; it is measured in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries for all of us … so what’s going on?

Professor Nancy Darling blogging on PsychologyToday.com writes about our experience with time.  She points out several theories related to why we may think “time flies”. 

1. Fewer new things happen later in life
2. Years are proportionally smaller to the whole of life lived
3. Our biological clock slows down
4. We miss external clues indicating the passing of time

To read more on these theories you can go here.

Additional research by Dr. William Friedman and his colleague, Steve Janssen is cited, too; here are their conclusions – what do you think?

First, the busier you are, the faster time seems to fly by. These results are robust across all ages.

Second, EVERYONE feels time is flying by. On average, on a scale from -2 (very slowly) to +2 (very fast), people of ALL AGES judged time to be passing fast (rating it higher than 1). 

Third, age differences were very small, and almost entirely limited – as had been found in the previous study – to the perception of how fast the last 10 years had gone by.

These findings…all come to the same conclusion:

Does Time Fly When You’re Getting Old?

Not really, no. But it does fly by when you feel rushed and can’t get things done. (Emphasis added)

When asked why, then, older people seem to feel like time was rushing by faster now than it was when they were younger, Dr. Friedman had two answers.

First, he suggested, this is such a strong folk belief that people report what they think they’re expected to feel.

More importantly, perhaps, he suggested that maybe as we get older, we just don’t remember how rushed we felt when we were young. 

What’s it costing us to fly?

Yesterday, I had an unusual day; some would say call it a “funk”.  I’ll spare you the details but it was not my normal, ask anyone that knows me.  So, what happened?

As I reflected on my previous week I flew through my week and not with Southwest Airlines. We were out of town over the weekend, I had back-to-back early morning appointments, and consistently went to sleep late; don’t ask what I think Daylight Savings Time. 

The pace of my week was out of control. My commitment to create space to take care of my mind, body, and spirit was disrupted. There was a price to pay, including lost productivity as I closed out my week.

• What if it’s not a misguided belief that follows all the talk about how rushed we feel?
• What if it’s really not about a fading memory of life a few years back? 
• What if it really is the pace we choose to live?

That’s right, it’s the pace we choose to live.

As I reviewed my schedule last week I made choices that displaced my time for reflection. Could I have done some things differently? Certainly, and it is my responsibility, no matter how crazy life is at times.

Bragging rights

When was the last time you heard someone brag on how rested they feel?  When was the last time you celebrated a “normal” workweek? What’s that, what would people think?

Here’s the real question: What’s it costing you to let life’s pace drive your day?

Having influence … with your life

What is one thing you could choose to change in order to create space for reflection? What is ONE thing you can do … read that book for 15 minutes, over lunch? Say “No” to … ? 

What ONE action will help you take control of the pace and get your feet back on the ground?

Time is free, but it’s priceless.

You can’t own it, but you can use it.

You can’t keep it, but you can spend it.

Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.

                                                                                                 -Harvey MacKay

Photo by Aih

Last week was our daughter’s birthday.  Stephanie is in her early 30’s so I sent a personalized birthday card using Short Message Service.  Yes, I love the Hallmark commercials…sorry.  No, it wasn’t a last minute thing, I actually chose the SMS-card (i.e. – text message). 

While creating the birthday message, I traveled back to a small city in Southeast Kansas. Rita and I began our journey in Independence and that is where our first born arrived Friday, March 10, 1978.

What do you think I thought about? 

So, is it just you or is time fleeting? 

Reality check on time

Do you remember being asked: Where do you want to be in five years? or Where will you be a year from now? or Where are you going on vacation? What are you doing this weekend? or What do you plan to do tomorrow?

Have you noticed how often we answer such questions with great confidence?

Are you ready for the reality check on time”? Here it is:

We really don’t know what will happen tomorrow.

So why do we live like we do?

Enter the illusion.  For many of us, life begins to seem so…so predictable that we begin to think whatever we plan we will do; whatever we say we will accomplish. And often we do, which only feeds the illusion.

We make plans to travel, we go and return home on time. We plan lunch and it happens just as we said it would.  We say what we’re going to do tomorrow and we get it done. 

Why do we think this will continue?  

It’s called an illusion…it’s when our minds are deceived into believing something that is not true.

When we fall for the illusion about time we can misinterpret reality. If we misinterpret reality long enough our performance and relationships suffer.

A few weeks ago many residents of the mid-west experienced this reality check. How?  You may re-call when several inches of fragile, beautiful snowflakes joined forces.  In a matter of hours, a lot of plans changed, due to a lot of snow; yes, calendars with big plans were edited to read: “snow day” no matter what was scheduled for tomorrow. 

Reality check: we don’t know what will happen tomorrow and we’re not really in control.

Think of the devastating story of last Friday when Japan was hit by one of the largest earthquakes ever. Indeed an entire country quickly experienced the “reality check on time” as that 8.9 earthquake triggered the March 11 Tsunami.  Thousands of people are dead, still missing or injured.   

We don’t know what will happen tomorrow and we’re not really in control.

What’s the point of this reality check?

It goes beyond a cliché; it is as Mother Teresa says…

Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.

Let us begin.

Leadership is influence. Influence is first exerted with self, then other people. Leaders that live in the moment see the people and make the day count.

Yes, by all means continue to plan, but remember it is an illusion to think you are in charge of tomorrow.  The reality check is given to help us live this day well, especially in our relationships.   

The Mist of Life

Another aspect of time surfaces as the question is asked: What is life? One ancient writer in Scripture uses simple imagery to answer this question:

“What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” (James 4:14)

When conditions are just right there is a thin fog, a thin gray cloud of water droplets just above the ground. Once the sun comes up, it usually vanishes quickly. 

That’s the thought I had while thinking about our firstborn being thirty-three years old…that wasn’t that long ago.

Leaders understand the value of time. Today is all we have, so see the people and seize the moment. Let’s begin.

Happy Birthday, Stephanie!

“My advice to anyone is dare to dream and who knows what will happen.”

– Roger Ainsworth

ABC News reports on three amateur prospectors who struck it rich in the Western Australian Goldfields…

Photo by Charlene

The Treasure Island gold tenement is where three amateur prospectors struck it rich.

Focus Minerals purchased 75 per cent of the Treasure Island Gold Project from the men late last year and has now taken the final 25 per cent. In total, the men were paid more than $2 million and granted them eight million shares in the company.

Mr. Ainsworth, who has only been prospecting for six years, says they were novices when they made the claim.

“What we basically did was looked on the government geological maps and what areas were vacant and we found this big area that is now the Treasure Island lease,” he said. “It was vacant at the time and it had a lot of greenstone belts in it, so we said hang on, greenstone, isn’t that where you find gold?”

“We knew enough to know that, but that’s about all we knew.”

Mr. Ainsworth says the find has set him up for life.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to have to work very hard again if I don’t want to,” he said. “My advice to anyone is dare to dream and who knows what will happen.”

Dare to dream, dare to act, and who knows what might happen.

The Perfectionist’s Prison

Do you understand the paralysis asssociated with perfectionism? (If not, you may not be a perfectionist; stop reading now or forward along to…)

Disclaimer: I am a recovering perfectionist.

Pure perfectionism is that inclination that says anything short of perfection is unacceptable. If something is perfect it’s said to be free from fault or defect or failure; and we think this is attainable because? 

By nature, perfectionism limits the very activity necessary for success - trial and error. When is it “good enough for this version” or “good enough for today”? When do we acknowledge we can improve on “it” in order to “ship it”?

Perfectionism traps imperfect people with the illusion of perfect. It creates unhappy, rigid people often stuck with high risk aversion and therefore resistant to taking action. “It’s not good enough…yet.”

Hara Marano, a Psychology Today author writes in “Pitfalls of Perfectionism”…

Perfectionism may be the ultimate self-defeating behavior. It turns people into slaves of success—but keeps them focused on failure, dooming them to a lifetime of doubt and depression. It also winds up undermining achievement in the modern world.

Summarizing some of the negative effects, perfectionism tends to

• Create psychological distress
• Limit people from engaging in challenging experiences
• Hinder one’s discovery of what they like
• Restrict creation of individual identity
• Reduce playfulness
• Limit assimilation of knowledge
• Reduce creativity and innovation
• Support self-absorption with perpetual self-evaluation
• Bring relentless frustration, anxiety, even depression

Perfectionism leads to a loss of freedom, so…

What can perfectionists learn from amateurs?

Amateurs have more fun. Amateurism brings a certain freedom.

What happens when you combine amateur freedom with professionalism, along with the pursuit of excellence and a commitment to life purpose?

Could it be time to celebrate amateurism?

Let’s think about this for a minute, what do we know about an amateur? At least 3 characteristics:

1. Love – they love doing something and have a great interest in it
2. Pleasure – they do what they do for pleasure not money
3. Growth – they are committed to doing their best while still learning; amateurs are professional, i.e.-they have skill, competence, and character

The word amateur, according to Word-Orgins.com started out meaning “lover”.

That is what its ultimate Latin ancestor amator meant (lover), and indeed in English it still denoted ‘someone who loves or is fond of something’ until well into the 19th century. However, its immediate source, French amateur, had already evolved the subsidiary sense ‘one who does something solely for the enjoyment, not for payment’, and that is now its only English meaning.

What happens when you are an amateur?  You…

1. love your work
2. find pleasure in your work, and
3. experience personal growth due to your work

Who decided to pit the spirit of amateurism against professionalism and excellence? What’s that costing us today?

Bringing Purpose back to Work

The modern view of “having a job” can hinder the joy of being associated with “work”.  When did we begin to minimize work to ”gainful employment”? What happens when work is reduced to an exchange of skills and time for money?   

As Os Guinness points out in his book The Call such a narrow view can shift the purpose of work where work is done…

…to make money to do something else.  In the modern view, “Doctors practice medicine not primarily to relive suffering, but to make a living; lawyers accept briefs not because they have a passion for justice, but because the law is the profession that enables them to live.”

The result, (as Dorothy) Sayers observes, is a modern heresy and modern fallacy. “The fallacy is that work is not the expression of man’s creative energy in the service of society, but only something he does in order to obtain money and leisure”. (P. 200)

The Amateur’s Journey and Reward

What happens if we combine the following in our work?

• Purpose (service of society),
• Passion (the amateur’s love), and
• Competence (continued personal growth)
• in the Pursuit of excellence (outstanding)

So that our work is rewarding and compensation becomes a by-product? What happens to engagement? Productivity? Work?

Mr. Ainsworth, an amateur says, “I don’t think I’m ever going to have to work very hard again if I don’t want to,” he said. 

Is that perfection?

.