“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away.” ― Henry David Thoreau

Personally, I’m not a fan of Daylight Savings Time. Frankly, this manipulation of time appears to be another attempt to control. Indeed, “high noon” became subject to man’s command back in 1895; thank you George Hudson. While the practical effects are still debated, March 11 we will lose an hour … at least for a while.

Photo by soham_pablo on flickr

Why the short February?

Did you know February’s limited number of days is the result of one man’s decision? Indeed, ego played a role in February having 28 or 29 leap year days.  

All the other months have 30 or 31 days, but February suffered from the ego of Roman Emperor Caesar Augustus, says (Professor) Stewart. Under Julius Caesar, February had 30 days, but when Caesar Augustus was emperor he was peeved that his month – August – had only 29 days, whereas the month named after his predecessor Julius – July – had 31. “He pinched a couple of days for August to make it the same as July. And it was poor old February that lost out,” says Prof Stewart.

The messiness of time

What is it about our solar system that presents this need of a Leap Year? According to the website, timeanddate.com …

Leap Years are needed to keep our calendar in alignment with the Earth’s revolutions around the sun. It takes the Earth approximately 365.242199 days – or 365 days, 5 hours, 48 minutes, and 46 seconds (a tropical year) – to circle once around the Sun.

However, the Gregorian calendar has only 365 days in a year, so if we didn’t add a day on February 29 nearly every 4 years, we would lose almost six hours off our calendar every year. After only 100 years, our calendar would be off by approximately 24 days!

With time pressure and our busy lives, things can get messy. How easy it is to neglect relationships, priorities related to mind, body and spirit … even our values, when we get sloppy with time.

The drift of time

A leap year synchronizes the astronomical reality (365.242199 days per year) with our calendar system which is set up with the same number of days each year; until leap year.

Because seasons and astronomical events do not repeat in a whole number of days, a calendar that had the same number of days in each year would, over time, drift with respect to the event it was supposed to track. By occasionally inserting an additional day…into the year, the drift can be corrected.

Over time, the drift of time, can take us off course. Truth deals in reality or the facts. From a personal growth perspective, the process is to create alignment between “my reality” and “reality”.

Where do you need alignment?

When you understand the affect of time pressure and the inclination to drift you will look for opportunities to re-align. Leap Year is that “extra day” for cosmic concerns; every four years we insert an additional day to correct the drift. But the issue for leadership development is not cosmic, it is personal.

Future success requires creating space to listen to your story for truth so you can close the gaps between what you believe to be reality and reality.  Reality checks help us discern the difference between our behavior and our desired outcome as leaders.

To create space, you must take control of the pace.

• Where do you need to correct the drift in your story?
•  What will it take to align your story with reality?
•  When do you have time and place for reflection?

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Photo by soham_pablo on flickr

“After living with their dysfunctional behavior for so many years (a sunk cost if ever there was one), people become invested in defending their dysfunctions rather than changing them.” — Marshall Goldsmith

Last week I pointed out that future success is not always about starting something new. The question – What do you want now? – is repeated daily, season by season, with each surprise and every achievement.

Photo by Qfamily on flickr

What do you want?

If you want to use last week’s blog as a reflective exercise, go here.

“What do you want?” requires an understanding that:

What got you “Here” will not get you “There”

While “Here” is to be celebrated, “There” is greater still

To get “There” something must end or I’ll be stuck “Here”

Another dimension to be considered that could limit moving forward is success. Thank you, Will Cook, for pointing this out with your comment last week.

With your purpose, mission, and vision in mind regarding your future (or that of your business) take it step further:

• What will have to come to an end?
• What will you need to stop doing to get “there”?

Moving forward requires the ending of something holding us back.

How do you feel about change?

A rather effective leader in the fight for equal rights for everyone was King Whitney, Jr., he writes:

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

Change seems to be one of those things people tend to love or hate.

Why is that? It could be our response depends

• On the source of the suggested change — “Their” idea vs. “My” idea or “Our” idea
• On how much we care about whatever is being “left behind”
• Our thinking about change

What will have to come to an end?

Asked another way, what one thing would you like to change? Where would change in your life bring freedom, peace, joy, success, influence, results?

Go ahead; name it – the more precise the better.

Dig a little deeper

As you think about a specific change you are facing, which response best describes what you feel? Are you …

• Fearful

What is creating this fear within you about making that specific change?

• Hopeful

How does the thought of making that change encourage you?

• Confident

What gives you faith to believe the best is yet to be, once you make the change?

The change I’m asking you to think about is within your authority to bring about; it is your life, our business.

How will making the change release you to succeed and grow your influence?

How do you move from “Here” to “There”?

Here are four steps associated with The Journey of Change.

Desire. This is more than a simple wish; it is a longing, craving, or yearning. (Think chocolate or sleep after a long drive).

Desire is where it begins.

What if you lack the desire to make a change? Prepare yourself for desperation. Once desperation (pain) exceeds your resistance or your pain tolerance you will want to move forward … lay aside something “old” for something “new.”

Are you desperate? Can you imagine the consequences if you don’t make this change? In other words, what will it cost you if you don’t?

Desire fueled by desperation becomes enhanced with understanding.

Understanding means you comprehend the benefits of something, such as making a change. Desire increases with understanding. What will you gain when you make this change?

Desire, developed by desperation and understanding creates an action-orientation; which is

Discipline. What comes to your mind with the word “discipline”? Discipline is about “doing” … it is having a systematic method to move forward. Desire moves us to action; discipline provides a path to follow.

Often what is needed is commitment; consistent action will achieve the desired outcome or something better.

What must you do to reach your goal? What action step is so doable it is laughable; meaning your response is to say: “I can do that!”

Desire leads to doing and requires…

Determination. Significant change in behavior must be supported. Opposition is part of the journey. Old habits, old ways of thinking, comfort zones, fears, doubt, and natural resistance rise up to defeat many on The Journey of Change. Your commitment, with clarity on why will support the resolve to see it through.

Desire applied to discipline with determination will eventually become …

Delight. It’s a great day when the change is completed, the dreaded “what if?” was another ridiculous fear and you are moving forward.

Change, whether individual or organizational, starts with desire. Desire moves us into action; determination keeps us engaged until the new behavior or structure change or whatever it is becomes the successful, new reality…and that is a fine day.

Positive change brings its own reward. The Journey of Change moves us from fear and resistance to accomplishment and delight including the positive rewards of growth!

Your Personal Reflection

• Where are you on the Journey of Change?
• Which do you need? Desire, discipline, or determination?
• What change have you made in the past that brings you delight today?

Like this article? Who could you forward it to? Your Tweet will be appreciated; and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Pick up your copy of my new book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Quote Source: Leadership Now

Without the ability to end things, people stay stuck, never becoming who they are meant to be, never accomplishing all that their talents and abilities should afford them.  ― Henry Cloud

Photo by ncanup on flickr

When coaching or speaking about future success I often refer to “Here” and “There”. Part of my message is this simple reminder: what got you “Here” won’t get you “There”.

My understanding of this principle has continued to grow. Today, it is expanded to these three statements:

What got you “Here” will not get you “There”.

While “Here” is to be celebrated, “There” is greater still.

To get “There” something must end or you’ll be stuck “Here”.

What’s your story?

Think of an area where you are successful. It could be a relationship, your family or marriage, your health or fitness; financial, your career or business growth…your leadership development or spiritual growth.

What’s your response?

Today, I celebrate …      >>> name your accomplishment <<<

With this in mind, reflect on these questions:

• How did I get “Here”, what did I do to achieve this?
• What skills did I develop? Training? Change? Sacrifice? Education?
• Who helped me get “Here”?
• When did I stop to celebrate?
• Or when will I celebrate my accomplishment?

What do you want now? 

This reflective exercise will require you to create some space to think.

When you think of “There”, what does that sound like? What does your next level look like?

Now, using present tense language, write a narrative describing “There”. It can be a week, month or five years from today; …it’s your story!

Give careful thought to these two questions:

• What will have to come to an end?
• What will you need to stop doing to get “there”?

The ancient author writes in Ecclesiastes about the natural ending of one thing to begin another:

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. (NIV)

Sometimes, moving forward requires we end something that has us stuck.

What do you need to end to move forward?

Like this article? Who could you forward it to? Your Tweet will be appreciated; and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Pick up your copy of my new book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Photo credit ncanup

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.  ― Dr. Seuss

Photo by wildxplorer on flick

Mike was an emerging leader. His personal development needs included his ability to communicate—especially with the owner of the company.

As Mike shared his story, I could see how his fear of confrontation made it difficult to effectively communicate with his boss.

Our conversation went something like this…

“Mike, how do you like being told what to do? When you are given an assignment, you know what to do and how to proceed. How does being told what to do affect you?”

“I don’t like it,” he replied.

“Why is that?”

“I like to be left alone to do my job; trust me and let me do it.”

I pressed on, “How does it make you feel when someone tells you what to do?”

After some hesitation he found his words, “I don’t like it and find myself resisting…I don’t feel trusted or respected.”

How about you, when was the last time you enjoyed being told what to do?

Consider communication and the lovable porcupine.

National Geographic helps us understand this animal’s unique qualities (emphasis added):

The porcupine is the prickliest of rodents, though its Latin name means “quill pig.” There are about two dozen porcupine species, and all boast a coat of needle-like quills to give predators a sharp reminder that this animal is no easy meal. Some quills, like those of Africa’s crested porcupine, are nearly a foot (30 cm) long.

Porcupines have soft hair, but on their back, sides, and tail it is usually mixed with sharp quills. These quills typically lie flat until a porcupine is threatened, then leap to attention as a persuasive deterrent. Porcupines cannot shoot them at predators as once thought, but the quills do detach easily when touched.

Many animals come away from a porcupine encounter with quills protruding from their own snouts or bodies. Quills have sharp tips and overlapping scales or barbs that make them difficult to remove once they are stuck in another animal’s skin. Porcupines grow new quills to replace the ones they lose.

How many people have a pet porcupine that you know? How close do you want to be to this rodent?

Notice the keywords from the description of the Quill Pig. Here’s how I connect them to telling in communication:

• Prickly: An uncomfortable, irritating, defensive exchange.
• Sharp Reminder: What do you think “tellers” want others to remember? Why the intensity?
• Threatened: What fear drives the need to “tell”?
• Persuasive Deterrent: What is limited by a “telling” style of communication?
• Detach Easily: Why is it “easier” to tell?
• Difficult to Remove: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot harm me.” Really?

Do you want to be known as a Quill Pig?

At a relationship level, “telling” often shuts dialog down; effective leaders avoid this communication style.

Telling Pushes People Away

Imagine a ball carrier in football. His goal is the end zone. As he runs toward defenders, their goal is to tackle him. With an outstretched arm, the ball carrier pushes his hand onto his would-be tackler to take him out of the action. The “stiff arm” is designed to push the other player out of the way.

This is just another example of how telling hinders communication.

The Solution: Ask More . . .

Having established the imagery of “telling” with Mike, we moved on to the alternative.

“Mike, when someone you respect asks for your input, your opinion, your thoughts on a topic, how do you feel?”

“Oh, it’s great. I feel honored, respected; appreciated, valued, trusted…it’s totally different.”

Yes, it is “totally different” when we ask open-ended questions. That’s because open-ended questions invite participation.

• Asking encourages an exchange of ideas through dialogue and discussion.
• Asking sends a message of value, respect, and honor.
• Asking shows a level of trust and appreciation.
• Asking flows from a place of freedom.
• Asking indicates a released need to control.

Whereas telling “pushes people away,” asking “invites them to stay.”

Teach When You Can

Of course, there is a time to impart knowledge to someone, to provide direction, to advocate a certain way or even the way something must be done. When these moments arise, go for it. Be a great teacher.

My Next Level Communication Mantra:

Ask More, Tell Less, Teach When You Can

Through our discussion, Mike discovered that asking questions is not confrontational; in fact, it actually demonstrated honor, respect, and appreciation—even for his boss.

If you like this article, please share with a friend or tweet…and grab your copy of The People Project: Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader; this post is Chapter One in my new book.

Order your copy today!