Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.    ― Aristotle

Photo by blue2likeyou on flickr

There is a reason why we don’t achieve resolutions with the New Year.

There is a reason why new initiatives fail in business.

There is a reason why we are stuck with behaviors that limit our personal lives.

Are you hallucinating? When something is imagined, but it’s not really present or actually occurring, we say the person is hallucinating. While few deal with the psychiatric disorder or the drug induced variety … many have a false sense of reality – an illusion - and remain stuck with poor performance.

Recently I was challenged by something Peter Bregman wrote on the Harvard Business Review Blog Network. Here are four questions to help you get “it” done. Answer these questions and you know the secret to supporting the change you desire in your life.

First, what is your desired outcome?

Where are you stuck – physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually? Or what new discipline do you want to initiate? Or what project do you want to complete? Specifically identify what you want to accomplish.

Second, how clearly focused are you?

Why do you want to do make this change? What benefit(s) will you reap when you are consistently engaged in the new discipline … or once you complete that project?

How will you do it? What skills or resources do you need? Do you know “how to” to move forward?

Third, where is the resistance?

What do you hear in your head that sabotages your effort? We could call them “excuses”; what does that internal voice, “the resistance” say to hinder your action?

The secret to “unstuck”

For the sake of illustration - let’s say you are ready to begin exercising.

1. WHY do you want to exercise? What are the benefits you desire?
2. HOW will you exercise?  Do know how to exercise in order to achieve your desired outcome; if not who can help you?

Here’s the point:

When it comes to execution, it is rarely a matter of motivation (why) or skill (how to). Usually it comes down to no plan (the when and where) and no accountability (who) further cluttered by the resistance in our head.

What is “the resistance” inside your head whisper when it comes time to follow through?

It is really about follow through and the need to shut-up the irrational voice in our head; not a lack of motivation.

What is your plan?

As you shut the voices and old thinking it is time to create your plan by asking:

1. When will I exercise?
2. Where will exercise?
3. Who will I be accountable to?

Staying with the illustration my plan which requires follow through:

On M/W/F/S – I will walk with Rita, at 6:00 p.m. for 20 minutes in our neighborhood.

It is Thomas A. Edison who noted,

Vision without execution is hallucination.

When feeling stuck, check your why and how, but just as important, create your plan and follow through. Otherwise, you may be hallucinating.

What do you think? I would enjoy reading your comments below.

By the way, who could you forward this to?

Finding this article helpful, would you make a moment to Tweet to your followers?

Newly released, available to you and your team; a great read for team discussions:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.   – Steve Jobs

Photo by accent on eclectic on flickr

Death helps us live.

The business of life is…  

…people.

Much of my work involves reminding people to See the People.

There is a lot of pressure in the workplace and strain on relationships at home and work. The chaos and lack of life harmony is taking its toll.

The energy crisis is human not oil. Look around, do you have enough energy to support yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?

No surprise here: lack of energy causes us to be more susceptible to fear. It takes energy to engage others; it is so easy to lose sight of the person with all the demands and pace of life.

When a problem grows between two people, they stop seeing each other and often stop wanting to see each other; forget finding solutions. Just think – politics, custody battles, domestic violence, office battles, “them”/“us”.

To deal with what matters most – the people – requires a reality check: we will all die. As Steve Jobs said,

Almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

What a reality check: to embrace our mortality.

Perhaps you re-call Habit 2 of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Begin with the end in mind.  Habit 2 is an invitation to ask the question: How do I want my life to be remembered?

Yes, the business of life is people. In fact, the business of business is people - something eternal trumps the temporal: people.

How do you want to be remembered?

There is a third response

How we show up with each other – especially when we feel threatened – is a key leadership issue. As you know, fear kicks us into survival mode:

1. Stand and Fight – “That’s right, bring it on, I’m ready for this one; make my day.”
2. Tuck and Run – “Who needs this? I don’t want or need this; I’m out a here.”

Does it have to be either or? Is there not another option? I believe there is and that is to show up super-naturally …

3. Stay and Engage – “I will see you and listen to the Story; let’s enter explore what’s going on here, together.”

Is that possible?

Beyond Fear … Freedom!

To stay and engage requires more than survival reactions … we have a choice.

Remember, fear is that “unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger”. (Encarta Dictionary)

How do we stay and engage?

Step 1: Live Aware

Pay attention, notice your behavior; how are you show up … especially when feeling threatened? When anticipating a threat? Identify your default setting; do prefer to stand and fight or tuck and run?

Step 2: Create Space

When we create space we can access the third option: stay and engage. We have room to see the person and engage dialog for solutions.

Are you getting adequate rest and exercise? How is your diet? When do you relax, read, meditate or pray; listen to the story? Do you have energy to stay and engage?

How will you manage your emotions so you can see the person?

To create space we have to control the P.A.C.E. – four easy steps to help you stay and engage.

P – Pause and Breath

It’s amazing how a deep, cleansing breath serves us, when we feel threatened.

A – Ask Questions

• Why am I feeling threatened?
• What’s really going on here?
• Do I want to control or have influence?
• What’s the story?

C – Challenge Beliefs

What am I accepting as true…is it? How do I know?

E – Edit the Story

• If I see the other person
• Acknowledge their story, and
• Admit that there is more to the story
• How might I imagine a different story, than the one I’m telling myself right now?

Remember, freedom is “a state in which somebody is able to act and live as he or she chooses, without being subject to any undue restraints or restrictions”.  (Encarta Dictionary)

We the freedom to move from either/or … we can choose to stay and engage when the hard-wired natural bent is to either stand & fight or tuck & run.

Number our days aright…

This ancient Hebrew verse sounds appropriate as we seek to live well with others in freedom…

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  (Psalm 90:12)

What do you hear? Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Photo by accent on eclectric on flickr

*Steve Jobs (American Businessman); 1955-2011, Source: http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.   – Martin Luther King, Jr.*

Freedom is wonderful.

Fear is horrible; the opponent of freedom.

As an executive coach I see the limiting power of fear … not only in my client’s stories, but mine.

Recently I traveled to Boston for the two-day Harvard Medical School Conference: Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare. I registered early for the conference and made my hotel reservation before securing my airline tickets.

As one who prefers to stay to the end, I do not like to leave early to catch a plane. With the conference ending at 5:00 p.m. there were no Saturday evening flights.

My reservation at the Renaissance Boston Waterfront only included Thursday and Friday night. For some reason, the conference rate was not extended to Saturday. While, at home, planning the trip, it was a small detail.

In August, Rita and I enjoyed a trip to Boston and up to Stonington, Maine. Before that trip I discovered a great app: Hotel Tonight. The smart phone app gives last-minute deals to great hotels with drastically reduced rates; the rooms are made available at noon for that night.

During our summer trip, we stayed at the fabulous 5-star, Boston Harbor Hotel using Hotel Tonight. That was the plan for this trip; book a room Saturday night using Hotel Tonight.

The Unreasonableness of Fear

Although my success with Hotel Tonight was 100%, fear came knocking on my door. Here’s the strategy exposed through my simple story …

1. There is a lot going on in Boston that weekend; I heard rooms are “scarce”
2. Uploaded 5.0 iPhone software just before leaving; new issues, now
3. A funky Wi-Fi connection rendered my iPhone device useless; I could not access the Hotel Tonight app
4. Yes, there was a room available at the conference hotel; rate of $499

Guess what was getting the best of me?  And no, please don’t lecture me about my planning style; this is my story.

Do you know that feeling?

There I am in Back Bay Boston, attending a HMS/Institute of Coaching conference; connecting with psychologists and coaches from Westport, CT, Toronto, Mason, OH, NYC, San Jose, CA.

Friday morning I meet Jim Loehr, author of The Power of Story (he really speaks my language). The whole environment is mind expanding and personally affirming.

It’s Friday night, I’m walking to grab dinner and called Rita to touch base. That’s when it happened …

Do you know that feeling? Fear – that “unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger”. (Encarta Dictionary)

In fact, I experienced this unpleasant feeling of apprehension merely in anticipation of “danger”. And the danger was not harm or personal injury. It was merely a threat: What if I can’t find a room? What if I have to pay over $500 for one night in Boston? What if…?

Beyond Fear … Freedom!

Freedom is wonderful.

Do you know that space? Freedom is “a state in which somebody is able to act and live as he or she chooses, without being subject to any undue restraints or restrictions”.  (Encarta Dictionary)

I love freedom.

I love doing the right thing for the right reasons. I prefer to act and speak and live without the restriction fear imposes; to be present, to contribute, to show up authentically, to be my best me, interacting with others with their best interest in mind, with unconditional love … to live without any undue restrictions.

Fear limits, freedom liberates.

Fear says: fight or run away. Freedom allows me to stay engaged with life, with others and find solutions. (More on finding solutions with people here: Coaching Tip Video)

Fear seeks to hold me captive. Freedom applies truth to set me free so I move forward with others.

Where you like to be?

With the help of one of my coaches – my wife of 35 years Rita – I regained my freedom that night. After dinner, I called one of my sons-in-law; Jeffrey reminded me of an easy fix for my iPhone issue.

The next day at 12:05 p.m., I used my Hotel Tonight app and made a reservation at Seaport Boston Hotel for that night. The rate was half the Renaissance and I applied a $25 credit from Hotel Tonight (received the day before). Get this; I walked ONE block to check-in after the conference.

The anticipation of “danger” (fear, risk, threat, peril) is self-limiting.

The ability to act freely (freedom, liberty, choice, independence) is life-expanding.

What are you facing on the horizon?

What role is fear playing in your world?

How is it affecting you, your health, relationships, career, your story?

When will you demand your freedom from fear? (Remember, we must have truth to experience freedom.)

Here’s to your freedom; it’s amazing.

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Martin Luther King, Jr. (American Baptist Minister and Civil-Rights Leader; 1929-1968, Source: thinkexist.com

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing, that we see too late, the one that is open.          – Alexander Graham Bell*

(Photo by Shootingsnow* on Flickr)

Last week I began the discussion around breakthrough success and resistance, asking: “Why the resistance?” Reminding you that …

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear-based suggestions

What opportunity is in front of you?

In my story, October has become the month of opportunity.

In October, 2007 I made the substantial decision and commitment to invest in executive coaching certification through TCU – Neeley School of Business in Fort Worth, Texas.

Yes, the catalyst for that decision was unexpected and it is true, the opportunity to make that decision was a surprise. But here’s the key: the event created the need to re-consider my Story, see a new opportunity, and then, overcome pockets of resistance along the way.

Yes, like countless others, I had to determine my response and take action or be stuck.  Thankfully, I received grace, tapped into my faith, and found freedom to sharpen pursuit of my purpose and passion: the development of people.

What is your story, your opportunity?

What got you here won’t get you there!

Four years later, I face the reality that what got me here won’t get me there.

No matter how good “here” is a better “there” is waiting for all of us.

While I celebrate the success of Next Level Executive Coaching, LLC I am acknowledging this principle: what got me here will not get me to my next level.

To help me get “there” I am investing in my development, including:

• A five-week, Speak to Sell Boot Camp with Lisa Sasevich
• Engaged John Eggen to mentor me in his Publishing and Marketing Program
• Working with Kim Castle and Vito Montone and their BrandU program for building my business
• Attending the two-day Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare Conference presented by McLean Hospital and Harvard Medical School’s Department of Continuing Education in Boston

Not only do I “coach” around this principle, I am committed to it. I know what got me here will not get me to my next level.

How do we defeat those pockets of resistance?

I shared my story around the resistance I experienced making the decision to pursue the author mentoring program. Rest assured the opportunities of October have been met with multiple pockets of opposition, internal and external, real and imagined.

Knowing the opposition, the resistance, the enemy is out there, we must be alert. Prompt, decisive action is required.

Here are the tactics I’m currently using to defeat the resistance:

1. Remember the Mission – keep focused on why it matters
2. Take Courage – remember previous breakthroughs for encouragement
3. Create Space – this is time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually; guard the harmony of your life
4. Disciplined Thinking – being mindful of the messaging in the head
5. Tapping Resources – our support system is vital, especially the people who believe
6. Manage Well – leverage those tools to manage time and energy

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against achievement. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt to encourage fear.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition and claim the opportunity.

It’s October, filled with opportunity. I’ll see you at the next level!

How do you handle the Resistance?

Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish born American Inventor and Educator. (1847-1922) Source: thinkexist.com

Photo by Shootingsnow

The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance.   – Saint Augustine*

Flicker photo by tpower1978

Recently the Story has given me several opportunities to resist the Resistance. Resistance is a part of life; consistently it shows up whenever we are in pursuit of something greater.

Part of my professional development involves coaching. As a certified executive coach I witness every day the power of what I do. As a result, I consistently use coaches myself.

Recently, I engaged John Eggen and his team at Mission Publishing. Although I am a published author with two books, I’m ready to write my next book. John and his team have a process to help authors do just that.

If you have not written a book it’s not hard, it’s just not easy.  As the desire to write my next book grew there has been resistance.

Why the resistance?

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

What has the resistance to writing this next book sounded like?

• How much will the coaching cost?
• Do you really have time to write a book, right now?
• This book requires a different approach, are you sure you can do it?
• What if you reveal too much of your Next Level coaching process?
• What are you going to say that hasn’t already been said?
• What if you can’t get it done on schedule?
• What if…?

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear based suggestions.

Here are a few more characteristics of how the Resistance works; it…

• works in the space between current success and future success
• is an opposing force committed to hindering progress
• tries to create fear so we’re less inclined to take risks in life
• supports our human inclination to resist behavior changes – even when we know it is in our own best interest to do so

When have you ever felt overloaded?

Yes, it is possible to take on too large a load in life. Taking on too much work, stress or difficulty is different than pressing through the resistance.

When it comes to stepping up to a challenge that sense of overload goes with the territory; it is necessary if we’re to become stronger.

In the physical realm of resistance training, Wikipedia describes the two facets:

Resistance training is a form of strength training in which each effort is performed against a specific opposing force generated by resistance (i.e. resistance to being pushed, squeezed, stretched or bent). Exercises are isotonic if a body part is moving against the force. Exercises are isometric if a body part is holding still against the force.

Resistance exercise is used to develop the strength and size of skeletal muscles. Properly performed, resistance training can provide significant functional benefits and improvement in overall health and well-being.  (Emphasis added)

The goal of resistance training, according to the American Sports Medicine Institute (ASMI), is to “gradually and progressively overload the musculoskeletal system so it gets stronger.”

The role of resistance in development, when properly understood and managed, allows us to grow. No matter how good “here” is – what got you here won’t get you “there” to that preferable future.

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against our achievement of something greater. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt, often using voices from the past.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition.

When it comes to courage, Mark Twain is often quoted:

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

In October, with coaching support, I am leaning into this next project. I’ve heard the Resistance and determined to press through to accomplish my goal.

How do you handle the Resistance? Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Flicker photo by tpower1978

*Saint Augustine was an ancient Roman Christian Theologian and Bishop of Hippo; 354-430. Source: www.thinkexist.com