Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.  – Voltaire

Heather is a valuable employee of an international beauty products company; the written mission:

Empowered by its unique Mission, [said company] believes that authentic beauty is one that works in harmony with the greater web of life.  It does not qualify as beauty if it hurts any of the diverse life forms that the best beauty artist of all, Nature, created.  Authentic Beauty cares for the environment which we inherited from elders and will leave to generations that follow us.  Beauty cares for the society in which we live, enhancing harmony in the way we live and interact with one another as human beings.  In order to be Beauty, it also needs to be Good. Beauty is the result, but also the process followed in pursuing that result.

There is a lot to process in that statement.  Focus on the bold text above as we return to Heather’s story.

A High Performer

Over the past six years Heather has developed herself from entry level employee to an individual with a strong work ethic.  Perhaps that explains one of the reasons she is now an assistant manager.

As our java chat (coaching conversation over coffee) continues she begins to confide in me when I ask, “What is your challenge today?”

The bottom line answer: her growing disengagement at work.  You might say “Beauty” is not demonstrating “…harmony in the way we live and interact with one another as human beings” in her experience with her manager.

In addition to Heather’s positive career path with the company, she is consistently hitting performance goals.  In fact, she is identified as an emerging leader by regional corporate leaders.  That’s awesome.  So why are we having this java chat?  Why is she thinking about leaving?

Does she like what she is doing? Yes.

Is she a “good employee”, making a difference, does she have highly valued character qualities? Yes.

Has her employer invested time and money in her personal growth and professional development? Yes.

Is she growing as a person…an assistant manager? Yes.

Does the company see an enlarged role in her future? Yes.

Then, why is she considering an exit strategy?

What’s the real question?

If you ask, “How much of a raise does she want?” you asked the wrong question.

Forward thinking leaders would ask:

• What can we do to hold on to this valuable person?
• How will we protect our investment in her training, experience, product knowledge, the personal development of this person, and all her customer relationships?
• What will it take to avoid the high cost of turnover (most agree it is 3 to 5 times an employee’s salary; so Heather’s departure has probable hidden costs of $100,000)?

Note: She did not mention salary or the substantial demands of her schedule.

As my frozen mocha coffee was all but gone and she answered my questions the solution for keeping this emerging leader became quite clear: appreciation.  That’s right; the missing skill of her manager is the ability to communicate basic appreciation.

Could it be that simple?

What single behavior change would keep her? Her manager showing appreciation for a job well done, for going the extra mile, for making their store the top performer in the company and she said she would remain on board. Why? She will feel valued and be freed to give her best.

Now, how do you suppose her manager would respond if I were to ask, “Do you appreciate Heather?” You’re right, she would say something along the line: “We love Heather, she is great!”

Here’s the bottom line: appreciation, by definition only exists when expressed. Appreciation is admiration, approval, or gratitude expressed.

Recent U.S. Department of Labor data shows that the number one reason people leave their job is that they do not feel appreciated.  (And oh by the way customer loyalty is also based on feeling appreciated.)

Unfortunately the reality is that admiration, approval, and gratitude are left unexpressed far too often; that’s insane.  The return on the investment in relationship building and performance is amazing.

What is the message when admiration, approval, or gratitude is not communicated?  Most people will assume you disapprove of their performance or them.

Appreciation must be shown to have an impact. Let others know you appreciate them; demonstrate your approval, gratitude, or admiration for their contributions.

How do you keep appreciation simple?

1. Be intentional, notice others and their contributions.
2. Seize the moment, when you notice say something right then.
3. Know your people; know what matters to them (public vs. private praise, etc.).
4. Leverage existing opportunities, a birthday lunch or coffee, celebrate their date of hire, etc.
5. Brag on them to someone special, send a note, an email, or make a brief phone call.

What will it cost the company if Heather leaves?  At minimum, the hidden costs associated with turnover.

However, when you show appreciation for a person and their contribution they will more likely remain engaged and perform at a higher level.

What’s that performance boost worth to you? How well are you showing appreciation?

Like this article? Who could you forward it to? Your Tweet will be appreciated; and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Pick up your copy of my new book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.    ― Aristotle

Photo by blue2likeyou on flickr

There is a reason why we don’t achieve resolutions with the New Year.

There is a reason why new initiatives fail in business.

There is a reason why we are stuck with behaviors that limit our personal lives.

Are you hallucinating? When something is imagined, but it’s not really present or actually occurring, we say the person is hallucinating. While few deal with the psychiatric disorder or the drug induced variety … many have a false sense of reality – an illusion - and remain stuck with poor performance.

Recently I was challenged by something Peter Bregman wrote on the Harvard Business Review Blog Network. Here are four questions to help you get “it” done. Answer these questions and you know the secret to supporting the change you desire in your life.

First, what is your desired outcome?

Where are you stuck – physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually? Or what new discipline do you want to initiate? Or what project do you want to complete? Specifically identify what you want to accomplish.

Second, how clearly focused are you?

Why do you want to do make this change? What benefit(s) will you reap when you are consistently engaged in the new discipline … or once you complete that project?

How will you do it? What skills or resources do you need? Do you know “how to” to move forward?

Third, where is the resistance?

What do you hear in your head that sabotages your effort? We could call them “excuses”; what does that internal voice, “the resistance” say to hinder your action?

The secret to “unstuck”

For the sake of illustration - let’s say you are ready to begin exercising.

1. WHY do you want to exercise? What are the benefits you desire?
2. HOW will you exercise?  Do know how to exercise in order to achieve your desired outcome; if not who can help you?

Here’s the point:

When it comes to execution, it is rarely a matter of motivation (why) or skill (how to). Usually it comes down to no plan (the when and where) and no accountability (who) further cluttered by the resistance in our head.

What is “the resistance” inside your head whisper when it comes time to follow through?

It is really about follow through and the need to shut-up the irrational voice in our head; not a lack of motivation.

What is your plan?

As you shut the voices and old thinking it is time to create your plan by asking:

1. When will I exercise?
2. Where will exercise?
3. Who will I be accountable to?

Staying with the illustration my plan which requires follow through:

On M/W/F/S – I will walk with Rita, at 6:00 p.m. for 20 minutes in our neighborhood.

It is Thomas A. Edison who noted,

Vision without execution is hallucination.

When feeling stuck, check your why and how, but just as important, create your plan and follow through. Otherwise, you may be hallucinating.

What do you think? I would enjoy reading your comments below.

By the way, who could you forward this to?

Finding this article helpful, would you make a moment to Tweet to your followers?

Newly released, available to you and your team; a great read for team discussions:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

At moments of departure and a change of life, people capable of reflecting on their actions usually get into a serious state of mind. At these moments they usually take stock of the past and make plans for the future.                 ― Leo Tolstoy

Time is how we have learned to measure the passing of life.

Whether calculated in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years time is fleeting. That is NOT bad news — unless this limited resource is wasted.

Whether considered in years, months, weeks, days, hours, or minutes they are all opportunities to experience fresh starts. That IS good news, unless the opportunity is missed.

One of my clients recently revealed some of what he wants to accomplish in life. The challenge he faces is the reality of how much time is left to get his list done. Not the feeling that there’s not enough time in the day, rather a growing awareness of his mortality.

To make the most of life is the challenge we all face. One ancient Hebrew verse expresses the very human plea for help from God: Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

What’s your perspective?

My work involves more and more travel; one thing I still love about flying is the view. Flying from Denver to Montana, United Flight 5535 follows along the eastern edge of the Rocky Mountains.

Over the past few months I’ve been in awe seeing the changes from fall to winter. Each trip I am amazed at the beauty, grandeur, and wide open space.

Beyond that, the view from 30,000 feet reframes our activity on earth as busy, ant-like movement of people on pencil-wide trails; symmetrically arranged tiny neighborhoods and cityscapes that look like architectural models … a reality check of sorts.

Wisdom is the ability to see life from a higher perspective. This may look like the ability to make sensible decisions based on personal knowledge and experience. Or decision-making based on your thinking, judgment, and knowledge of life.

One way to gain wisdom is to cultivate a mindfulness of life’s brevity.

What happens when you recognize that your life is a limited resource during which you may take action, live connected, or make contribution?

Perhaps you’ve heard this quote from Steve Job’s Stanford Commencement address:

Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. (Emphasis added)

What changes would you make – moving into 2012 – if you concentrate on what is truly important?

What’s your Story?

Another way to gain wisdom is to look for truth in the Story and be intentional regarding how you are writing your Story.

None of us can re-write history; but we are gifted with the incredible opportunity to make decisions and take action today that will allow us to write a new story.

Wisdom allows us to see things from another perspective; not only the facts but the people in our Story. How much unnecessary conflict and stress can you eliminate when we choose to see beyond the conflict to see the people?

Indeed, fear drives us to exhibit ancient behavior – survival mode; this means we tend to run for our lives or kill the opponent when in conflict. However, there is a third option: stay and engage as people…people with a story which includes fears, hopes, and dreams … ideas and solutions when we are encouraged, accepted, and loved.

Wisdom allows us a fresh perspective and the ability to see the possibilities.

Exercise: Think of a relationship conflict

Imagine sitting with me on that United Flight departing Denver; see the Rockies, gain that perspective. Notice the “size” of even the Rockies, not to mention the cars, buildings, and cities; gain the perspective.

Now, back to the “problem” – the conflict with <name of person> … think about your answer to these questions:

• What do you want for this relationship; control or influence?
• What is your desired outcome?
• What do you wish for the other person?
• What are you accepting as true in the situation? Is it true? How do you know it is?
• What assumptions are you making?

When we ask ourselves such questions – especially in emotionally charged situations – we are creating space for some wisdom.

Wisdom not only helps us recognize the brevity of life but what matters in life: people.

How do you grow as a leader and enlarge your influence? Develop a heart of wisdom.

Happy New Year!

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Photo by Pargon on flickr

It was a week of early appointments and travel.

Sunday we drove to Oklahoma City for our grandchildren’s Christmas Program and to celebrate Levi’s sixth birthday.

Tuesday I caught an early flight to Denver in route to Montana to work on-site with one of my clients.  What a privilege; the response and progress is significant. Wednesday was a 6:30 a.m. breakfast with Doug. Incredibly rewarding; I love it.

Back home, in time for a Thursday breakfast to wrap up Brent’s 1on1 Executive Coaching engagement and celebrate his growth.

What’s one more breakfast appointment? It’s Friday, why not?

Not until Saturday morning, was I able to “create space” for reflection. Not only do I desire it, I require it if I’m to operate at my highest potential.

Do you have room?

When there is no room, we miss something in the Story – an opportunity.

This idea of “no room” reminds me of the Christmas Story.

The Bible records a time, around 6 – 4 BC, when Caesar Augustus ordered a census. That meant everyone was required to return to their hometown and register. If you were in the hospitality sector, it was good for business, right?

A man named Joseph made the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, his ancestral hometown. Accompanied by Mary – Joseph’s very pregnant fiancée – the time came for her to have her baby. One small problem, they did not have a reservation and there were no rooms.

Can you imagine?

Upon hearing their plight, the owner of the inn was innovative; he created space – offering them the stable.

That’s the story.

What’s the cost when we have no room?

Have you noticed, or is just me? Are life’s demands more demanding? Is there less room, maybe even “no room” for what matters most?

This Christmas weekend, I do not expect a young couple to show up at our house looking for a place to have a baby. However, our house will be filled with people.

People.

Yes, the business of life is people.

In fact, if you know me, you know I believe the business of business is people.

People and the Story

As people, our stories merge. The Story is written at work, in our communities, homes and families; sometimes amazingly beautiful, sometimes extremely difficult.

What does it cost when we have no room? When there is a shortage of space for listening to the Story, for connecting with the people?

The short answer: opportunity.

Opportunity as a chance to make a difference or seize the moment; to encourage another human being, to express appreciation, to cultivate a spirit of gratitude, to apologize, to forgive, to love and be loved, to enjoy a fresh start; to “see the people”?

Can you remember the disappointment you felt when you realized you missed opportunity? That’s the cost of “no room” in our lives for reflection, contemplation, meditation, listening to the Story.

If there is “no room” when will you reflect on how you want to show up differently in your relationships…when will you consider what success really is…when will you examine your values and the role they are playing in how you live, or not?

The owner of Bethlehem Inn could have missed a historic opportunity because he had “no room”; but he didn’t. While it was not a master suite, it was good enough. Mary delivered a son and they named him Jesus.

Life is filled with opportunity.

How well are you creating space for reflection on your Story, your influence, your purpose and contribution?

Yes, life is filled with opportunities; do you have room?

The ability to function at our highest level requires we create space so we can see the people…and that includes seeing ourselves.

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to read your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

* Photo by Pargon

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.   ― Eckhart Tolle

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – these may well become the great scarcities of tomorrow.  – Edwin Way Teale

Eight business leaders are in the room as I coach and explore with them The Best Predictor of Future Success… yes,

The ability and willingness

to learn and change,

achieved through

consistent reflection

on truth found in the Story.

As I ask “What stands out to you?” a successful businessman discusses the phrase: “consistent reflection” and the challenge of the discipline.

Space is the breath of life

Consistent reflection requires space.

Consistent reflection is a discipline - a systematic method used to advance something - in this case, personal growth.

These days I find myself inviting people to breathe. It is amazing how few of us practice deep breathing. The intensity of life is confirmed by how we “take breaths”. I know – who has time for deep breathing?

In support of future success it is essential to create space for consistent reflection. I know - who has time to be still and think?

Just as there are significant benefits from diaphragmatic breathing such as relaxation and stress relief, there is tremendous benefit from consistent reflection – freedom to grow as a human being.

How to Create Space

Look at the word “space” to discover the first secret:

To create space you must take control of the pace of life.

Space is more than the region beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. From a growth perspective , space is having enough room to accommodate something. It can be a period of time or an area set apart for a specific use; time and place.

What if you could have less unnecessary stress, more peace, and greater freedom? Sound good? You can and here’s how: slow down.  Create space for consistent reflection.

This is where we listen for truth in the story delivered as feedback, experience, success, or failure.

“Truth” involves the facts of the story, not assumptions; truth is reality, not your opinion or just “your reality” … to be truth it must include the other person’s perspective, too.

To create space you must take control of the PACE of life.

Breathe.

Let’s try that again, slowly now … you’ve got time.

Created Space is the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to reflect on the truth in the story and to bring truth to your story.

No acceleration required.

Life requires no acceleration; our world is taking care of that.

In 1970 Alvin Toffler wrote his bestselling book Future Shock; back when the pace of life was different, if not slower. While he wrote of information overload it was first mentioned in 1964 by Bertram Gross in The Managing of Organizations.

According to Wikipedia, Toffler uses “information overload”

…to refer to the difficulty a person can have understanding an issue and making decisions that can be caused by the presence of too much information.

Sensory overload was thought to cause disorientation and lack of responsiveness. Toffler posited information overload as having the same sorts of effects, but on the higher cognitive functions… (Emphasis added)

How does this affect our performance and relationships?

What happens to our growth journey when the pace of life is combined with sensory/information overload? We exhibit self-limiting behavior that produces poor performance and limits our influence. We are unable to make “the reasonably correct assessments on which rational behavior is dependent.” (Wikipedia)

The alternative to “rational” behavior is “irrational”. How we show up lacks reason or logical thought. What I’m doing to my relationship or career or health doesn’t make sense. We must create space to consistently reflect on behavior patterns; unproductive behavior means we are “stuck”.

Life does not require acceleration.

The second secret of Created Space; it…

Accelerates behavior change which leads to high performance

When space and time are invested in consistent reflection, listening for truth in your Story, the reward is freedom. Only truth liberates us from being stuck with self-limiting behavior.

Creating space allows us to see what living frantic lives hides.

When would be convenient?

When it comes getting things done we set appointments, am I right? Whether a business lunch, dentist appointment, a client meeting, the big game, vacation, even the oil change; why not time to reflect?

When it matters, put it on the calendar.

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – how scarce are they in your world? How will take control of the pace of life to create space?

What behavior change will address to improve your performance?

How well are you creating space so you can write your story?

Please forward or Tweet if you like this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.  – Brian Tracy

Picture by Steve Snodgrass* flickr

Where do you feel most at home in your work-life?

When are you the least anxious, stressed or threatened?

What situations present you with little strain or tension?

Your answers may reveal your comfort zone(s).

What about public speaking? For some just the thought of presenting before a large group creates anxiety, sweaty palms, and a dry mouth. I love it.

Fear and Comfort Strange Partners

The last couple of weeks my articles have invited you to move beyond fear to freedom.

Have you noticed situations do not have to be life threatening to render us stuck in self-limiting behavior? It’s true; a perceived threat or push back against us or our ideas can stir up fear and hinder our performance.

In fact, anticipation of “danger” often keeps individuals in their comfort zones. Fear is the gatekeeper of our comfort zones.

Why do we like it there?

In the past week, when did you relax?

Let me help you out – if you trying to remember what it means to relax?

To spend time resting or doing things for pleasure, especially in contrast to or as a relief from the effort and stress of everyday life; to become less intense and concentrated; to become less anxious, hostile, defensive, or formal. (Encarta Dictionary)

Now, with this meaning in mind, how often do you relax?

• When do you spend time resting or doing things for pleasure?
• How have you lightened up?
• How intense are you … really?

Reality Check for Business Today

Increased stress in the work place is real. In his CFO article “Why Your Top Talent Wants Out” David McCann reports:

Employers appear to be missing the boat in their assumptions about what drives valued talent to seek opportunities elsewhere, judging from new research by consulting firm Towers Watson.

Human-resources professionals at 316 North American organizations identified opportunities for promotion as the top reason (among 23 listed on the survey) that high performers would leave. In a separate study of more than 10,000 employees, work-related stress was cited as the chief factor. Getting promoted was the second item on their list, but work stress didn’t crack the top five on the HR pros’ list.

“It points to a lack of awareness, and a resulting attrition risk that could play out if and when labor markets improve,” says Laury Sejen, global leader for Towers Watson. “Coming out of the recession, there’s been a mind-set shift from employees that employers may not have kept up with.”

Yet companies acknowledge they’ve been pushing people to work harder. In the survey, 65% of the HR people said employees have been working more hours than normal over the past three years, and 53% said workers will continue to put in the expanded hours over the next three years.

What is the affect of more pressure and stress on performance? How might too little time for relaxation decrease innovation?

Back to the question: Why do we like comfort zones?

Perhaps part of the answer is the need to relax. In the midst of such intensity who doesn’t desire a place of comfort?

What is a comfort zone?

Consider Alasdair White’s explanation of comfort zone in his eBook, From Comfort Zone to Performance Management:

The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk (emphasis added). ^[Wikipedia]

Where is your worry-free time and place? For some people finding such space it difficult; it’s inconceivable to even think about leaving it.

Unfortunately, security means most people live below their potential. Their life is marked by what it takes to get by, unwilling to take the risk.

How does this help explain the temptation to stay in a comfort zone? The thought goes … Life is stressful enough without leaving my “cozy zone”. What’s wrong with having a comfort zone?

It comes down to two reasons we embrace comfort zones: fear and weariness. To break out of a comfort zone requires energy to push through the fear and evaluate another approach.

What do you think? Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Brian Tracy (Self-help Author, Motivational Speaker); 1944 – Source: ThinkExist

Photo Source Steve Snodgrass on flickr

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.   – Martin Luther King, Jr.*

Freedom is wonderful.

Fear is horrible; the opponent of freedom.

As an executive coach I see the limiting power of fear … not only in my client’s stories, but mine.

Recently I traveled to Boston for the two-day Harvard Medical School Conference: Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare. I registered early for the conference and made my hotel reservation before securing my airline tickets.

As one who prefers to stay to the end, I do not like to leave early to catch a plane. With the conference ending at 5:00 p.m. there were no Saturday evening flights.

My reservation at the Renaissance Boston Waterfront only included Thursday and Friday night. For some reason, the conference rate was not extended to Saturday. While, at home, planning the trip, it was a small detail.

In August, Rita and I enjoyed a trip to Boston and up to Stonington, Maine. Before that trip I discovered a great app: Hotel Tonight. The smart phone app gives last-minute deals to great hotels with drastically reduced rates; the rooms are made available at noon for that night.

During our summer trip, we stayed at the fabulous 5-star, Boston Harbor Hotel using Hotel Tonight. That was the plan for this trip; book a room Saturday night using Hotel Tonight.

The Unreasonableness of Fear

Although my success with Hotel Tonight was 100%, fear came knocking on my door. Here’s the strategy exposed through my simple story …

1. There is a lot going on in Boston that weekend; I heard rooms are “scarce”
2. Uploaded 5.0 iPhone software just before leaving; new issues, now
3. A funky Wi-Fi connection rendered my iPhone device useless; I could not access the Hotel Tonight app
4. Yes, there was a room available at the conference hotel; rate of $499

Guess what was getting the best of me?  And no, please don’t lecture me about my planning style; this is my story.

Do you know that feeling?

There I am in Back Bay Boston, attending a HMS/Institute of Coaching conference; connecting with psychologists and coaches from Westport, CT, Toronto, Mason, OH, NYC, San Jose, CA.

Friday morning I meet Jim Loehr, author of The Power of Story (he really speaks my language). The whole environment is mind expanding and personally affirming.

It’s Friday night, I’m walking to grab dinner and called Rita to touch base. That’s when it happened …

Do you know that feeling? Fear – that “unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger”. (Encarta Dictionary)

In fact, I experienced this unpleasant feeling of apprehension merely in anticipation of “danger”. And the danger was not harm or personal injury. It was merely a threat: What if I can’t find a room? What if I have to pay over $500 for one night in Boston? What if…?

Beyond Fear … Freedom!

Freedom is wonderful.

Do you know that space? Freedom is “a state in which somebody is able to act and live as he or she chooses, without being subject to any undue restraints or restrictions”.  (Encarta Dictionary)

I love freedom.

I love doing the right thing for the right reasons. I prefer to act and speak and live without the restriction fear imposes; to be present, to contribute, to show up authentically, to be my best me, interacting with others with their best interest in mind, with unconditional love … to live without any undue restrictions.

Fear limits, freedom liberates.

Fear says: fight or run away. Freedom allows me to stay engaged with life, with others and find solutions. (More on finding solutions with people here: Coaching Tip Video)

Fear seeks to hold me captive. Freedom applies truth to set me free so I move forward with others.

Where you like to be?

With the help of one of my coaches – my wife of 35 years Rita – I regained my freedom that night. After dinner, I called one of my sons-in-law; Jeffrey reminded me of an easy fix for my iPhone issue.

The next day at 12:05 p.m., I used my Hotel Tonight app and made a reservation at Seaport Boston Hotel for that night. The rate was half the Renaissance and I applied a $25 credit from Hotel Tonight (received the day before). Get this; I walked ONE block to check-in after the conference.

The anticipation of “danger” (fear, risk, threat, peril) is self-limiting.

The ability to act freely (freedom, liberty, choice, independence) is life-expanding.

What are you facing on the horizon?

What role is fear playing in your world?

How is it affecting you, your health, relationships, career, your story?

When will you demand your freedom from fear? (Remember, we must have truth to experience freedom.)

Here’s to your freedom; it’s amazing.

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Martin Luther King, Jr. (American Baptist Minister and Civil-Rights Leader; 1929-1968, Source: thinkexist.com

The horizon leans forward, offering you space to place new steps of change.   – Maya Angelou*

The request has arrived.

As a leader you are invited to engage in the process of change.

Personal development is a unique gift offered all human beings. We have the potential to become stronger, more successful, more advanced…more like our Creator.

Why does it matter? Only growing people grow their influence for high impact in life; legacy. Leadership is that ability to lead, guide, direct, or influence people.

To change limiting behavior is to expand your influence with people and that’s what life is about: the business of life is people and the business of business is people.

This past week my schedule took me to Los Angeles. On the early morning flight to Dallas I enjoyed a high altitude sunrise. Notice the horizon.

Later that sameday I sat writing in my journal with a front row seat on beautiful Venice Beach, CA for this sunset. Notice the horizon.

That question: what’s beyond the horizon?

The horizon is that distant line where land or sea appears to meet the sky; it looks closed. When reality it is where more opportunity waits: sunrise/sunset.

The word horizon has an interesting history.

The word horizon derives from the Greek “ὁρίζων κύκλος” (horizōn kyklos), “separating circle”,^[2] from the verb “ὁρίζω” (horizō), “to divide, to separate”,^[3] and that from “ὅρος” (oros), “boundary, landmark”.^[4]   Wikipedia

Along the journey we encounter moments where the horizon can feel like a boundary. It is that moment in the Story when we decide to move forward or not. For many, it is when that voice suggests “But you don’t know what’s beyond the horizon?”

In his book, The Laugh of the Water Nymph and Other River Stories, author Doug Ammons writes about the adventure sport of kayaking. He introduces a philosophical meaning to the river, as he writes …

I believe that moving water is the perfect expression of emotion, and somewhere in its endless moods, lie our own.  -Page 4

Describing the purpose of adventure experiences …

And if one is going to travel, the particular place you go matters less than what it leads you to explore within yourself.

One story is about kayaking the Lochsa (“lock-saw”) River located in the mountains of North Central Idaho.  The flow of the river is unregulated and in late spring, it is rated as one of the world’s best for continuous whitewater.

Video: if you have 2 minutes this video shows the action.

In Chapter One - The Horizon Line, Doug writes …

Kayaking has shown me a lot of fun, a lot of seriousness, and a simple fact: life is full of horizon lines. They come in all shapes and sizes – accidents and jobs, people, marriage, and children. Time is the current that pushes us toward the edges of what we know, usually faster than we can cope. And flowing water is the current of time made real. I know that fear comes from doubt about where those horizon lines lead. I also know that the truths of life, large and small, are what lie beyond each one. – Page 8

What do you see on the horizon?

What’s going on in your Story and how do you feel looking at the future?

Are you a bit anxious, do you believe there is something great over the horizon?

Are you ready for the “truths of life, large and small” that lie beyond the horizon?

Doug is leaning forward – not just into whitewater horizon line on the river – but as a leader. He is my client; engaging the process of change, growing his influence. Thanks Doug for the privilege.

What are you doing with the space to place new steps of change?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Maya Angelo, American Poet, novelist, educator, dramatist, actress, historian, filmmaker, and civil rights activist; b 1928, Source: thinkexist.com

The closest to being in control we will ever have is in that moment that we realize we are not.   – Brian Kessler*

Photo by John Jordan

The human desire to be in control is causing untold frustration in relationships today.

Recently, my coaching conversation with one of my clients focused on the classic concept of “circle of control” vs. “circle of concern” … think, cracked egg poured into a skillet for a visual.

The yellow yolk represents that part of life we “control”. The egg white symbolizes the people or situations of “concern”.

I am not using “control” in the broader meaning represented by synonyms manage or management. That raises another question: Does management really control?

What do you really control?

Think about your world. Where do you exercise power or authority? Where are you in position to limit or restrict someone or something?

Look at your relationships; where are you really in control? Where are you trying to be in control?

Self-control

There are a few people with a high level of self-control. There are some people working on greater self-control.  While the majority need to work on self-control.

In fact, human nature presents quite a challenge to this goal of self-control. Have you noticed the inclination of Self to be selfish and actually prefers NOT to be controlled. (Need evidence? Watch childish behavior … no matter the age.)

Although, self-control is a key assignment, how much time and energy are wasted trying to control others, even “situations”.

May I ask … How much time and energy do you waste focused on situations and people in your “circle of concern” but outside your “circle of control”?

Follow the Frustration

If you are not sure how to answer that last question, answer this: How frustrated are you these days?

Frustration is that feeling of disappointment, exasperation, or weariness caused by goals being thwarted or desires unsatisfied. (Encarta Dictionary)

Frustration is an emotiinal indicator of the desire to control. When do you experience frustration? With who? Why? How are your expectations involved?

Where to Focus

Here is the paradox: as we focus on our own growth and responsibilities our “circle of influence” is expanded.

The big question: What do you want – control or influence?

Leadership happens when we quit trying to control and pursue influence.

What’s the cost?

My client’s experience is instructive about the price of an out-of-control desire to be in control; she writes …

If my focus is on these concerns, outside my actual area of control, what happens?

1. I get anxious about those uncontrollable things

2. Overload from trying to control too much

3. I experience failure because I am not really in control

4. Failure saps my strength and will to continue working

The demand plus lack of control leads to FRUSTRATION because the situation does not allow me to succeed. (emphasis added)

There you have it. The “reward” of focusing on situations outside our primary circle of control is frustration.  The solution is to narrow your focus.

How do you control that unproductive need to control?

What situation are you trying to control? Who? Why do you think you are?

How will you let go?

What will happen if you don’t?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Brian Kessler, Source: thinkexist.com

Photo Credits Flickr by John Jordon

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing, that we see too late, the one that is open.          – Alexander Graham Bell*

(Photo by Shootingsnow* on Flickr)

Last week I began the discussion around breakthrough success and resistance, asking: “Why the resistance?” Reminding you that …

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear-based suggestions

What opportunity is in front of you?

In my story, October has become the month of opportunity.

In October, 2007 I made the substantial decision and commitment to invest in executive coaching certification through TCU – Neeley School of Business in Fort Worth, Texas.

Yes, the catalyst for that decision was unexpected and it is true, the opportunity to make that decision was a surprise. But here’s the key: the event created the need to re-consider my Story, see a new opportunity, and then, overcome pockets of resistance along the way.

Yes, like countless others, I had to determine my response and take action or be stuck.  Thankfully, I received grace, tapped into my faith, and found freedom to sharpen pursuit of my purpose and passion: the development of people.

What is your story, your opportunity?

What got you here won’t get you there!

Four years later, I face the reality that what got me here won’t get me there.

No matter how good “here” is a better “there” is waiting for all of us.

While I celebrate the success of Next Level Executive Coaching, LLC I am acknowledging this principle: what got me here will not get me to my next level.

To help me get “there” I am investing in my development, including:

• A five-week, Speak to Sell Boot Camp with Lisa Sasevich
• Engaged John Eggen to mentor me in his Publishing and Marketing Program
• Working with Kim Castle and Vito Montone and their BrandU program for building my business
• Attending the two-day Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare Conference presented by McLean Hospital and Harvard Medical School’s Department of Continuing Education in Boston

Not only do I “coach” around this principle, I am committed to it. I know what got me here will not get me to my next level.

How do we defeat those pockets of resistance?

I shared my story around the resistance I experienced making the decision to pursue the author mentoring program. Rest assured the opportunities of October have been met with multiple pockets of opposition, internal and external, real and imagined.

Knowing the opposition, the resistance, the enemy is out there, we must be alert. Prompt, decisive action is required.

Here are the tactics I’m currently using to defeat the resistance:

1. Remember the Mission – keep focused on why it matters
2. Take Courage – remember previous breakthroughs for encouragement
3. Create Space – this is time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually; guard the harmony of your life
4. Disciplined Thinking – being mindful of the messaging in the head
5. Tapping Resources – our support system is vital, especially the people who believe
6. Manage Well – leverage those tools to manage time and energy

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against achievement. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt to encourage fear.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition and claim the opportunity.

It’s October, filled with opportunity. I’ll see you at the next level!

How do you handle the Resistance?

Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish born American Inventor and Educator. (1847-1922) Source: thinkexist.com

Photo by Shootingsnow