At moments of departure and a change of life, people capable of reflecting on their actions usually get into a serious state of mind. At these moments they usually take stock of the past and make plans for the future.                 ― Leo Tolstoy

Time is how we have learned to measure the passing of life.

Whether calculated in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years time is fleeting. That is NOT bad news — unless this limited resource is wasted.

Whether considered in years, months, weeks, days, hours, or minutes they are all opportunities to experience fresh starts. That IS good news, unless the opportunity is missed.

One of my clients recently revealed some of what he wants to accomplish in life. The challenge he faces is the reality of how much time is left to get his list done. Not the feeling that there’s not enough time in the day, rather a growing awareness of his mortality.

To make the most of life is the challenge we all face. One ancient Hebrew verse expresses the very human plea for help from God: Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

What’s your perspective?

My work involves more and more travel; one thing I still love about flying is the view. Flying from Denver to Montana, United Flight 5535 follows along the eastern edge of the Rocky Mountains.

Over the past few months I’ve been in awe seeing the changes from fall to winter. Each trip I am amazed at the beauty, grandeur, and wide open space.

Beyond that, the view from 30,000 feet reframes our activity on earth as busy, ant-like movement of people on pencil-wide trails; symmetrically arranged tiny neighborhoods and cityscapes that look like architectural models … a reality check of sorts.

Wisdom is the ability to see life from a higher perspective. This may look like the ability to make sensible decisions based on personal knowledge and experience. Or decision-making based on your thinking, judgment, and knowledge of life.

One way to gain wisdom is to cultivate a mindfulness of life’s brevity.

What happens when you recognize that your life is a limited resource during which you may take action, live connected, or make contribution?

Perhaps you’ve heard this quote from Steve Job’s Stanford Commencement address:

Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. (Emphasis added)

What changes would you make – moving into 2012 – if you concentrate on what is truly important?

What’s your Story?

Another way to gain wisdom is to look for truth in the Story and be intentional regarding how you are writing your Story.

None of us can re-write history; but we are gifted with the incredible opportunity to make decisions and take action today that will allow us to write a new story.

Wisdom allows us to see things from another perspective; not only the facts but the people in our Story. How much unnecessary conflict and stress can you eliminate when we choose to see beyond the conflict to see the people?

Indeed, fear drives us to exhibit ancient behavior – survival mode; this means we tend to run for our lives or kill the opponent when in conflict. However, there is a third option: stay and engage as people…people with a story which includes fears, hopes, and dreams … ideas and solutions when we are encouraged, accepted, and loved.

Wisdom allows us a fresh perspective and the ability to see the possibilities.

Exercise: Think of a relationship conflict

Imagine sitting with me on that United Flight departing Denver; see the Rockies, gain that perspective. Notice the “size” of even the Rockies, not to mention the cars, buildings, and cities; gain the perspective.

Now, back to the “problem” – the conflict with <name of person> … think about your answer to these questions:

• What do you want for this relationship; control or influence?
• What is your desired outcome?
• What do you wish for the other person?
• What are you accepting as true in the situation? Is it true? How do you know it is?
• What assumptions are you making?

When we ask ourselves such questions – especially in emotionally charged situations – we are creating space for some wisdom.

Wisdom not only helps us recognize the brevity of life but what matters in life: people.

How do you grow as a leader and enlarge your influence? Develop a heart of wisdom.

Happy New Year!

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Photo by Pargon on flickr

It was a week of early appointments and travel.

Sunday we drove to Oklahoma City for our grandchildren’s Christmas Program and to celebrate Levi’s sixth birthday.

Tuesday I caught an early flight to Denver in route to Montana to work on-site with one of my clients.  What a privilege; the response and progress is significant. Wednesday was a 6:30 a.m. breakfast with Doug. Incredibly rewarding; I love it.

Back home, in time for a Thursday breakfast to wrap up Brent’s 1on1 Executive Coaching engagement and celebrate his growth.

What’s one more breakfast appointment? It’s Friday, why not?

Not until Saturday morning, was I able to “create space” for reflection. Not only do I desire it, I require it if I’m to operate at my highest potential.

Do you have room?

When there is no room, we miss something in the Story – an opportunity.

This idea of “no room” reminds me of the Christmas Story.

The Bible records a time, around 6 – 4 BC, when Caesar Augustus ordered a census. That meant everyone was required to return to their hometown and register. If you were in the hospitality sector, it was good for business, right?

A man named Joseph made the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, his ancestral hometown. Accompanied by Mary – Joseph’s very pregnant fiancée – the time came for her to have her baby. One small problem, they did not have a reservation and there were no rooms.

Can you imagine?

Upon hearing their plight, the owner of the inn was innovative; he created space – offering them the stable.

That’s the story.

What’s the cost when we have no room?

Have you noticed, or is just me? Are life’s demands more demanding? Is there less room, maybe even “no room” for what matters most?

This Christmas weekend, I do not expect a young couple to show up at our house looking for a place to have a baby. However, our house will be filled with people.

People.

Yes, the business of life is people.

In fact, if you know me, you know I believe the business of business is people.

People and the Story

As people, our stories merge. The Story is written at work, in our communities, homes and families; sometimes amazingly beautiful, sometimes extremely difficult.

What does it cost when we have no room? When there is a shortage of space for listening to the Story, for connecting with the people?

The short answer: opportunity.

Opportunity as a chance to make a difference or seize the moment; to encourage another human being, to express appreciation, to cultivate a spirit of gratitude, to apologize, to forgive, to love and be loved, to enjoy a fresh start; to “see the people”?

Can you remember the disappointment you felt when you realized you missed opportunity? That’s the cost of “no room” in our lives for reflection, contemplation, meditation, listening to the Story.

If there is “no room” when will you reflect on how you want to show up differently in your relationships…when will you consider what success really is…when will you examine your values and the role they are playing in how you live, or not?

The owner of Bethlehem Inn could have missed a historic opportunity because he had “no room”; but he didn’t. While it was not a master suite, it was good enough. Mary delivered a son and they named him Jesus.

Life is filled with opportunity.

How well are you creating space for reflection on your Story, your influence, your purpose and contribution?

Yes, life is filled with opportunities; do you have room?

The ability to function at our highest level requires we create space so we can see the people…and that includes seeing ourselves.

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to read your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

* Photo by Pargon

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.   ― Eckhart Tolle

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – these may well become the great scarcities of tomorrow.  – Edwin Way Teale

Eight business leaders are in the room as I coach and explore with them The Best Predictor of Future Success… yes,

The ability and willingness

to learn and change,

achieved through

consistent reflection

on truth found in the Story.

As I ask “What stands out to you?” a successful businessman discusses the phrase: “consistent reflection” and the challenge of the discipline.

Space is the breath of life

Consistent reflection requires space.

Consistent reflection is a discipline - a systematic method used to advance something - in this case, personal growth.

These days I find myself inviting people to breathe. It is amazing how few of us practice deep breathing. The intensity of life is confirmed by how we “take breaths”. I know – who has time for deep breathing?

In support of future success it is essential to create space for consistent reflection. I know - who has time to be still and think?

Just as there are significant benefits from diaphragmatic breathing such as relaxation and stress relief, there is tremendous benefit from consistent reflection – freedom to grow as a human being.

How to Create Space

Look at the word “space” to discover the first secret:

To create space you must take control of the pace of life.

Space is more than the region beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. From a growth perspective , space is having enough room to accommodate something. It can be a period of time or an area set apart for a specific use; time and place.

What if you could have less unnecessary stress, more peace, and greater freedom? Sound good? You can and here’s how: slow down.  Create space for consistent reflection.

This is where we listen for truth in the story delivered as feedback, experience, success, or failure.

“Truth” involves the facts of the story, not assumptions; truth is reality, not your opinion or just “your reality” … to be truth it must include the other person’s perspective, too.

To create space you must take control of the PACE of life.

Breathe.

Let’s try that again, slowly now … you’ve got time.

Created Space is the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to reflect on the truth in the story and to bring truth to your story.

No acceleration required.

Life requires no acceleration; our world is taking care of that.

In 1970 Alvin Toffler wrote his bestselling book Future Shock; back when the pace of life was different, if not slower. While he wrote of information overload it was first mentioned in 1964 by Bertram Gross in The Managing of Organizations.

According to Wikipedia, Toffler uses “information overload”

…to refer to the difficulty a person can have understanding an issue and making decisions that can be caused by the presence of too much information.

Sensory overload was thought to cause disorientation and lack of responsiveness. Toffler posited information overload as having the same sorts of effects, but on the higher cognitive functions… (Emphasis added)

How does this affect our performance and relationships?

What happens to our growth journey when the pace of life is combined with sensory/information overload? We exhibit self-limiting behavior that produces poor performance and limits our influence. We are unable to make “the reasonably correct assessments on which rational behavior is dependent.” (Wikipedia)

The alternative to “rational” behavior is “irrational”. How we show up lacks reason or logical thought. What I’m doing to my relationship or career or health doesn’t make sense. We must create space to consistently reflect on behavior patterns; unproductive behavior means we are “stuck”.

Life does not require acceleration.

The second secret of Created Space; it…

Accelerates behavior change which leads to high performance

When space and time are invested in consistent reflection, listening for truth in your Story, the reward is freedom. Only truth liberates us from being stuck with self-limiting behavior.

Creating space allows us to see what living frantic lives hides.

When would be convenient?

When it comes getting things done we set appointments, am I right? Whether a business lunch, dentist appointment, a client meeting, the big game, vacation, even the oil change; why not time to reflect?

When it matters, put it on the calendar.

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – how scarce are they in your world? How will take control of the pace of life to create space?

What behavior change will address to improve your performance?

How well are you creating space so you can write your story?

Please forward or Tweet if you like this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and no one to thank.  – Christina G. Rossetti

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr

The word history of “thanks” takes us to the Latin tongere – to know.

The Wonder of Relationships

Think of someone you have a solid relationship with. Can you remember when you first met?

Notice the journey, how little by little you move from being strangers – unfamiliar and unknown – to a deeper connectedness. How does this happen?

Over time; as we come to know their story and who they are the relationship develops.

And what do we know about Story?

• Everyone has a Story
• Every day we add to the Story
• Today, you will have influence on someone’s Story
• There always more to the story

Why so much conflict?

The effectiveness of my coaching requires a foundation of trust leading to authentic openness, this sacred getting to know another person and being known. It takes some time.

When I coach leaders in conflict, I hear two stories. That’s how it is, right?

Conflict threatens our relationships. The natural response to conflict is to fight or run from the person, the situation. Notice how the longer the conflict goes unresolved the less we see the other person or the truth in the Story.

To protect the relationship and stay connected we must seek to understand, to know and see the person. Being thankful supports our relationships in this way; when we  know someone and recognize what they bring.

The Grease of Gratitude

At the same time, it is our connection with people creates friction.

Unfulfilled expectations create frustration. What happens with the unmanaged frustration?  We revert to ancient behavior which  hinders our performance; shrinking our influence.

Whether with a business partner, work associate, family member or friend, relationships provide conflict.

Consider how the following impact your relationships:

• The pace of life
• The demands of work
• Ineffective or limited communication
• Chronic low energy (nearly epidemic)

Gratitude is one of the keys to quality relationships; interestingly, the essence of both great relationships and effective gratitude is our ability to know and see the people. 

Conflict tends to distort the truth of who they are and what they contribute AND how I contribute to the situation.

How do we reduce the friction of human connections? By cultivating gratitude for the other person.

A mechanic greases machine gears so they 1) run smoothly or 2) to stop something else from sticking to them.

The grease of gratitude helps our human connections 1) run smoothly and 2) protect them from the damage of such fear-based emotions as anxiety, anger, control, ill-will, resentment, frustration, irritation, and the like.

The Value of Conflict

Conflict naturally pushes us to fight or retreat; however there is a third option: stay and engage. Gratitude creates enough space and grace to do the work of seeking to understand the other person.

To be grateful includes appreciation of others and an expression of the same.

Which of your relationships could use the grease of gratitude?

Please leave a comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team,            a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing           Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Christina G. Rossetti (English Poet); 1834-1894 – Source: ThinkExist

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing, that we see too late, the one that is open.          – Alexander Graham Bell*

(Photo by Shootingsnow* on Flickr)

Last week I began the discussion around breakthrough success and resistance, asking: “Why the resistance?” Reminding you that …

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear-based suggestions

What opportunity is in front of you?

In my story, October has become the month of opportunity.

In October, 2007 I made the substantial decision and commitment to invest in executive coaching certification through TCU – Neeley School of Business in Fort Worth, Texas.

Yes, the catalyst for that decision was unexpected and it is true, the opportunity to make that decision was a surprise. But here’s the key: the event created the need to re-consider my Story, see a new opportunity, and then, overcome pockets of resistance along the way.

Yes, like countless others, I had to determine my response and take action or be stuck.  Thankfully, I received grace, tapped into my faith, and found freedom to sharpen pursuit of my purpose and passion: the development of people.

What is your story, your opportunity?

What got you here won’t get you there!

Four years later, I face the reality that what got me here won’t get me there.

No matter how good “here” is a better “there” is waiting for all of us.

While I celebrate the success of Next Level Executive Coaching, LLC I am acknowledging this principle: what got me here will not get me to my next level.

To help me get “there” I am investing in my development, including:

• A five-week, Speak to Sell Boot Camp with Lisa Sasevich
• Engaged John Eggen to mentor me in his Publishing and Marketing Program
• Working with Kim Castle and Vito Montone and their BrandU program for building my business
• Attending the two-day Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare Conference presented by McLean Hospital and Harvard Medical School’s Department of Continuing Education in Boston

Not only do I “coach” around this principle, I am committed to it. I know what got me here will not get me to my next level.

How do we defeat those pockets of resistance?

I shared my story around the resistance I experienced making the decision to pursue the author mentoring program. Rest assured the opportunities of October have been met with multiple pockets of opposition, internal and external, real and imagined.

Knowing the opposition, the resistance, the enemy is out there, we must be alert. Prompt, decisive action is required.

Here are the tactics I’m currently using to defeat the resistance:

1. Remember the Mission – keep focused on why it matters
2. Take Courage – remember previous breakthroughs for encouragement
3. Create Space – this is time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually; guard the harmony of your life
4. Disciplined Thinking – being mindful of the messaging in the head
5. Tapping Resources – our support system is vital, especially the people who believe
6. Manage Well – leverage those tools to manage time and energy

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against achievement. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt to encourage fear.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition and claim the opportunity.

It’s October, filled with opportunity. I’ll see you at the next level!

How do you handle the Resistance?

Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish born American Inventor and Educator. (1847-1922) Source: thinkexist.com

Photo by Shootingsnow

Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.  – Peter Drucker*

Stonington, Maine - Photo by Steve Laswell

That’s where I was on September 11 when the World Trade Center twin towers were brought down. As the news came in we were covering the story and glued to monitors; like the rest of America, in a state of shock.

Last week there was a lot of 9/11 coverage … to remember and re-visit is an important part of our nation’s future success is to remember.

Consistent reflection is vital whether for a nation, a company, or an individual life. A reflective lifestyle supports your ability and willingness to learn and change as you listen, reflect on the truth found in the Story.

What is the reward of such a commitment? Accelerated growth.

As I noted before, it is possible to break personal growth barriers. Personal development has a price: paying attention to the Story. I appreciate how Penelope Trunk illustrates this principle in her recent blog post How 9/11 Made Me a Better Entrepreneur.

Last week, I shared the four steps that helped me through the days following the shocking reality: “I’m not coming back Monday”.  Here’s what I wrote if you missed it.

What about the next day?

Saturday, September 1, 2007, began my unexpected “September Sabbatical”.

How did I move forward?

To help me remember, I pulled out my 2007 Journal last week. As I reviewed the Story, here’s what I notice…

1. The Pain:

What happens when a) you think you are deeply appreciated b) you made sacrifices for the company, and c) you are handled just like someone fired for performance issues? For me, that was the most painful part.

While my departure was for budget reasons there is still the pain.

Carol Bartz dealt with pain is different than mine. The former CEO of Yahoo experienced the pain when Roy Bostock delivered the news over the phone; the Board had fired her.

“I got it. I got it,” she told the Yahoo chairman. “I thought you were classier,” she added.

More bad news?

According to a Fortune.com, her interview with Patricia Sellers will likely cost her $10 million as she had a “non-disparagement clause”.  The Pain.

2. The Voices:

How normal, in such times of unexpected news and personal shock to waver between fear and faith, faith and fear, despair and hope.

My journal entry on 9/1 indicates this reality …

Two voices: 1) that’s corporate, a machine that takes and spits you out when done; no surprises here. 2) You’re going to have an amazing second half as I promised; I Am your Shepherd. (This thought comes out of my faith-based relationship with God.)

I don’t want to get stuck in anger or not properly grieve.

It’s an adventure with a painful birth moment.

Resisting fear.

3. The Truth:

Beyond the pain and voices there is the new reality. Reality is one aspect of truth – the facts – involving what must be dealt with in real life.

Once again, I quote from my journal as I reflected on the Story, the morning after …

Radio is not my passion, (it’s) a store-front to let me work with and help people along The Journey. It has become increasingly difficult to be myself and use my gifts, life experience, and wisdom to coach, mentor, and guide others.

Some of life is a mystery, at least in real time. A mystery is something not fully understood or understandable. We gain perspective – over time – which allows us to comprehend the bigger picture and appreciate the new opportunity.

Two weeks into the “new reality” it hit us; we were worn out. Halfway into the “sabbatical” I expressed concern that maybe I was “too relaxed…not doing my part”. That moment required faith if I was going to remain free and experience peace while embracing the Story.

After three weeks, the time came for me to “release” the decision maker who delivered the message late Friday afternoon: “No, you are not coming back on Monday.”

Forgiveness is about freedom; mine.

4. The Search:

The appointed day came – Monday, October 1, 2007; it was time … a new day, new week, new month, new quarter; it time for a fresh start. Indeed, my Significant September was over; it was “time to throw myself into the pursuit of what is next”.

How interesting to read in my Journal dated September 11, 2007 …

My DESIRE to help people, to develop people is high; I’m clueless as to what’s next…”

Four years later, I am a successful, certified executive coach; The People Developer.

How did make the transition?

It is what I call The Best Predictor of Future Success … the “secret” to future success …

The ability and willingness to learn and change, achieved through consistent reflection on truth found in the Story.

How do you identify with my story? Where are you in the story?

What was your “sudden jolt” story? How do you relate?

What did you do to get through your “shock and awe” moment?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Peter F. Drucker – writer, consultant, and teacher, 1909 – 2005

Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a “map” for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.   - Anne Grant*

Photo by Steve Laswell - Trinity Church Parish House in Boston

My most recent “major project”, to use Anne Grant’s phrase, began on a Friday afternoon August 31, 2007. It was Labor Day weekend so our offices at the radio station were pretty well vacated.

As Station Manager of Spirit 102.3 I had scheduled an appointment with our VP/Market Manager to discuss a few programming matters … or so I thought.

Within the first couple of minutes I knew something was up, I just didn’t know what. Instead of discussing my agenda, the conversation quickly turned to the 2008 Budget. Corporate wanted substantial cuts; my future became the real agenda; my position was being eliminated.

To say I was in shock is no exaggeration and aptly illustrated by my question: “Are you telling me I’m not coming back on Monday?”

Indeed, I would not return on Monday.

I would go down the hall and pack my office and call Rita for a ride home; “my” company car was a company car.

My exit would be without the opportunity to say farewell to my team and people I truly cared about. No punch, no cookies, no farewell party for the “people person”.

Shock and awe does not overstate my emotional response.

Yes, I appreciated the assurance given that it was not a performance issue.

Yes, I appreciated the helpful severance package.

Still, I was treated like a piece of machinery, not a piece of humanity.

Last Wednesday was the Fourth Anniversary of that Friday-afternoon, end of this chapter, broadcast radio Story; that fast-track ended.

While reflecting on this part of my Story, I identified 4 steps in my response to that sudden jolt. Perhaps you can identify with my “shock-n-awe” chapter along your journey … here is what I did:

1. Breathe

When something surprising and upsetting comes, we experience shock; distress, numbness, or fear are indeed normal as the new reality sets in: I’m not coming back on Monday!

Oxygen is a grace gift from our Creator, it not only keeps us alive physically, it helps create space so we can think and helps quiet our heart and mind … a good thing for such times.

Breathe, don’t panic, “It’s just business.”

2. Forgive

Forgiveness is about freedom, our freedom.

Intellectually, I knew it was “just business” but emotionally it felt personal. So this is where a 10 year relationship brings us? This is how we will write the ending chapter of our Story?

Forgiveness is required for the other truth: it is more than “just business”.

How about some respect for the human being? No opportunity given to connect with my colleagues, direct reports, and friends; yes, friends. And, what about my sacrifices for the company?

While we could agree to disagree on the business decision, how I was “handled” was personally painful. Only forgiveness would keep from that self-limiting box and by God’s grace I escaped.

3. Create Space

Given the shock of this event, I was not prepared to make any quick decisions. As reality settled in, September was declared a sabbatical.

Sabbaticals are those designated times away from work usually for research, study, or travel and often with pay; that’s what I needed and was fortunate enough to have.

Within a matter of days, a lot of life was on the my calendar:

• my 53^rd birthday on September 4
• our sixth grandchild, Max, was born on September 5^th and required a few days in the NICU
• my wife Rita’s birthday, September 7
• our 31^st Wedding Anniversary, September 12

Thinking of September as a sabbatical released me to set October 1 as the date I would start working on “What now?” … which is what I did.

Creating space is critical to our ability to experience personal growth and continued success along the journey. It is vital to our ability to find our way and gain perspective after a sudden jolt.

4. Connect with others

I’ll never forget Lucy’s call. She was a consultant for our company and called as soon as she learned of the decision. She simply said “I believe in you.”  Thank you, Lucy and others who called over the days ahead.

(Note to self: when inclined to ignore news of someone’s jolt, move toward the person, it will never be forgotten and your call will make a difference.)

It’s not what we say; it’s that we care enough to call that matters.

These four steps – combined with my faith in God and my commitment to journal – helped me move forward into a life-changing transition bringing me to this spacious place I now enjoy as an executive coach.

What is your “sudden jolt” story?

How do you relate to these 4 steps?

What did you do to get through your “shock and awe” moment?

Please comment below.

*Anne Grant was a Scottish Poet; 1755-1838

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

When every physical and mental resource is focused, one’s power to solve a problem multiplies tremendously.

- Norman Vincent Peale

Photo by Steve Laswell

It was a warm summer morning as Rita and I sat on the patio near our Kio pond. This significant water feature includes a 12 foot stream spilling over a 4 foot water fall into a large pond; the movement and “music” of the water are relaxing and enjoyable.

Our Japanese Kio fish are colorful and personable, it’s fun to feed them and watch them glide “effortlessly” through the water.  The pink and yellow water lilies deliver amazing blooms that only last a day or two.

Of course, the large bull frog and occasion box turtle visitors, along with the regulars – squirrels, raccoon, and birds create an entertaining backyard retreat.

This particular morning I notice an unusual number of dragonflies working the yard. The longer the air show went on the more I wondered what was going on. With iPhone in hand, it was time to Google.

The link I selected took me to an article that began:

You see them in your yard, in the woods, and in fields. They come in a variety of beautiful colors. But what do you really know about the dragonflies that share our world?

Brandon Cornett’s article goes on to provide 21 interesting facts. Here are a few of my favorites:

You often see dragonflies near bodies of water, because they lay their eggs on or near the water.

Dragonflies are not born with wings.

Dragonflies spend most of their lives in the larva stage (up to three years, depending on the species). The adult, winged stage only lasts a few weeks. Mating is the primary reason for their winged stage. So when you see a winged dragonfly, you know it’s toward the end of its lifespan.

Male dragonflies can be very territorial, staking claim to a particular area alongside a pond or stream. When you see two adults chasing each other through the air, it is often one male chasing another from its territory.

Dragonflies can be useful in controlling mosquito populations…one of their primary food sources!

As far as insects go, dragonflies are among the fastest. Some…can fly upward of 30 miles per hour. Their four wings also allow them to move sideways, backward, to hover in place, etc. And they can do all of these movements quickly and accurately, which makes them well suited to eat other insects right out of the air

When I tapped into my resources I gained knowledge, insight, appreciation and a greater experience.

Leadership Development

There are just two key words in the phrase “leadership development”.

Leadership which has to do with our ability to lead, guide, direct, or influence people.

Development speaks to a process of changing, becoming stronger, more successful as a person, or causing somebody to change in such a way.

As an executive coach, I see leadership development as engaging in the process of change in order to expand one’s personal influence as a leader. Changing Behavior; Growing One’s Influence.

Create Space

A personal development principle I coach around involves Creating Space. When we create space for consistent reflection our influence will increase.

What do I mean, “Creating Space”?

It is the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to listen for truth found in your story.

What happens when we learn to create space for reflection?

• We can listen for the truth found in our story; messages coming from feedback, experience, success, and failure
• We can begin to see the people (Imagine the plate spinning act; to see people requires we lower our gaze)
• We can renew our energy
• We can acknowledge areas where our behavior is getting in our way
• Then, we can improve our performance and,
• Have a positive impact on life, relationships, work

What a nice return for the disciplined use of time and place to tap into the resource of our story, wouldn’t you say?

The Conspiracy of Time

Here is where the war is being waged against what supports future success (consistent reflection); what is it? “I’m so … busy!” And it is true, we are busy.  This is why by definition “creating space” is the disciplined use of time, place and resources.

When will you make time for consistent reflection? More often than not, we’ll create space when the pain is greater than the resistance.

Tapping into my resources that summer morning I gained knowledge, insight, appreciation and a greater experience. Those same benefits are available as we tap into our story looking for truth; then, we can change behavior and grow our influence … a greater life experience!

How well are you tapping into your resources?

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.
      – James Matthew Barrie

Sunday evening, my wife Rita I returned to Tulsa from Oklahoma City.  We spent the weekend with our three married daughters and their families; time to celebrate our middle daughter’s birthday. With eight grandchildren (yes, 7 grandsons!) we always have an interesting time.

Traveling the Turner Turnpike our conversation turned to the past couple of days.  We shared highlights of the weekend as well as some of the challenges. Time with others deepens our connection.

The increased awareness brought my coaching mantra about “story” into the conversation; yes, “everyone has a story.” When it comes to life and the journey that’s got us here, whether family or business, it’s true:

Everyone has a story.

Every day we add to our story.

Today, you will influence someone’s story.

It is also accurate to say that what got me here, won’t get me there. “There” being better than “here”, no matter how good today’s success. “There” represents future success, greater achievement, becoming a stronger person … fulfilling my purpose in life to the best of my ability.

How do we achieve our next level of personal success?

This Next Level Journey is about two paths. Have you noticed how often two paths are usually available to us?  The proverbial “fork in the road”, a moment of decision…sometimes a matter of preference, but often a matter of choice – will we take the high road or not?

The path we choose determines how we write the story; Story is about both our journey and destiny.

Of course, Story has a past, with both historic and ordinary days.  Story is rich with instructive messages, guidance, illustrations, feedback, experience, success and failure; yes, even truth is to be discovered in the Story when we listen.

Our narratives intersect; the story develops and within it a guide to future success.

I find it helpful to think about my life as a story. We have two options as we listen to the story:

1. To listen deeply – the goal is to discover truth.  Truth means simply the “facts and realities” of my life, my relationships, my story.  When we are open minded the truth in our story will set us free, guiding our steps, leading us to even greater success in life.
2. To listen prudently – the goal is to expose deception. An ancient proverbs says, “The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, the folly of fools is deception.”  To be misled is to be deceived; truth is needed to get out of the dark. Whether self-deceived or deliberately mislead the affect is the same.

No doubt about it, there is resistance to our personal growth and development. The voices seek to destroy vision, dreams, confidence, even relationships through deception.  When deceived we live in bondage and are held back from future success, our full potential.

Reflecting on the truth, found in our Story, is vital to our freedom and future success.

Editing the Story

As you know, Story has three parts: the past, the present, and the future.  Tomorrow may be included, we just don’t know for sure. What we do know is that our story today is better when we listen and learn … pay attention to the past; then, we can write a better narrative today.

When we listen deeply and prudently to our story, truth is revealed and with truth comes freedom…freedom to choose the path we take.

The past will not be re-written, but it will help us edit today’s story; a well-written story today will help us get there tomorrow.

The Best Predictor of Future Success

is the ability and willingness to learn and change,

achieved through consistent reflection on

truth revealed in the Story.

No matter how much we love our children the fact remains: everyone has a story and every day we add to our story. We are responsible for listening, learning, leading out of our story. There is good news; we have the authority and power to edit our story for a brighter tomorrow.

How well are you listening and learning from your story?

Please share your comments below.

For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the

eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

                                                                                                 – Doug Larson

We began to explore the reality check of time last week when I invited you to think about two ideas:

1. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow … we’re not really in control
2. Life is brief … value each day

Leaders recognize the responsibility to lead their own lives before trying to lead others. To understand and value time is helpful.  When we live as if today is all we have we could begin to see the people and seize the moment.

What is really flying?

As we embrace the reality check of time this idea that “time flies” surfaces. 

When was the last time you said something about time flying? How often do you feel rushed or like you can’t get things done?

Logically, we know time is consistent; it is measured in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries for all of us … so what’s going on?

Professor Nancy Darling blogging on PsychologyToday.com writes about our experience with time.  She points out several theories related to why we may think “time flies”. 

1. Fewer new things happen later in life
2. Years are proportionally smaller to the whole of life lived
3. Our biological clock slows down
4. We miss external clues indicating the passing of time

To read more on these theories you can go here.

Additional research by Dr. William Friedman and his colleague, Steve Janssen is cited, too; here are their conclusions – what do you think?

First, the busier you are, the faster time seems to fly by. These results are robust across all ages.

Second, EVERYONE feels time is flying by. On average, on a scale from -2 (very slowly) to +2 (very fast), people of ALL AGES judged time to be passing fast (rating it higher than 1). 

Third, age differences were very small, and almost entirely limited – as had been found in the previous study – to the perception of how fast the last 10 years had gone by.

These findings…all come to the same conclusion:

Does Time Fly When You’re Getting Old?

Not really, no. But it does fly by when you feel rushed and can’t get things done. (Emphasis added)

When asked why, then, older people seem to feel like time was rushing by faster now than it was when they were younger, Dr. Friedman had two answers.

First, he suggested, this is such a strong folk belief that people report what they think they’re expected to feel.

More importantly, perhaps, he suggested that maybe as we get older, we just don’t remember how rushed we felt when we were young. 

What’s it costing us to fly?

Yesterday, I had an unusual day; some would say call it a “funk”.  I’ll spare you the details but it was not my normal, ask anyone that knows me.  So, what happened?

As I reflected on my previous week I flew through my week and not with Southwest Airlines. We were out of town over the weekend, I had back-to-back early morning appointments, and consistently went to sleep late; don’t ask what I think Daylight Savings Time. 

The pace of my week was out of control. My commitment to create space to take care of my mind, body, and spirit was disrupted. There was a price to pay, including lost productivity as I closed out my week.

• What if it’s not a misguided belief that follows all the talk about how rushed we feel?
• What if it’s really not about a fading memory of life a few years back? 
• What if it really is the pace we choose to live?

That’s right, it’s the pace we choose to live.

As I reviewed my schedule last week I made choices that displaced my time for reflection. Could I have done some things differently? Certainly, and it is my responsibility, no matter how crazy life is at times.

Bragging rights

When was the last time you heard someone brag on how rested they feel?  When was the last time you celebrated a “normal” workweek? What’s that, what would people think?

Here’s the real question: What’s it costing you to let life’s pace drive your day?

Having influence … with your life

What is one thing you could choose to change in order to create space for reflection? What is ONE thing you can do … read that book for 15 minutes, over lunch? Say “No” to … ? 

What ONE action will help you take control of the pace and get your feet back on the ground?