Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Photo by Pargon on flickr

It was a week of early appointments and travel.

Sunday we drove to Oklahoma City for our grandchildren’s Christmas Program and to celebrate Levi’s sixth birthday.

Tuesday I caught an early flight to Denver in route to Montana to work on-site with one of my clients.  What a privilege; the response and progress is significant. Wednesday was a 6:30 a.m. breakfast with Doug. Incredibly rewarding; I love it.

Back home, in time for a Thursday breakfast to wrap up Brent’s 1on1 Executive Coaching engagement and celebrate his growth.

What’s one more breakfast appointment? It’s Friday, why not?

Not until Saturday morning, was I able to “create space” for reflection. Not only do I desire it, I require it if I’m to operate at my highest potential.

Do you have room?

When there is no room, we miss something in the Story – an opportunity.

This idea of “no room” reminds me of the Christmas Story.

The Bible records a time, around 6 – 4 BC, when Caesar Augustus ordered a census. That meant everyone was required to return to their hometown and register. If you were in the hospitality sector, it was good for business, right?

A man named Joseph made the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, his ancestral hometown. Accompanied by Mary – Joseph’s very pregnant fiancée – the time came for her to have her baby. One small problem, they did not have a reservation and there were no rooms.

Can you imagine?

Upon hearing their plight, the owner of the inn was innovative; he created space – offering them the stable.

That’s the story.

What’s the cost when we have no room?

Have you noticed, or is just me? Are life’s demands more demanding? Is there less room, maybe even “no room” for what matters most?

This Christmas weekend, I do not expect a young couple to show up at our house looking for a place to have a baby. However, our house will be filled with people.

People.

Yes, the business of life is people.

In fact, if you know me, you know I believe the business of business is people.

People and the Story

As people, our stories merge. The Story is written at work, in our communities, homes and families; sometimes amazingly beautiful, sometimes extremely difficult.

What does it cost when we have no room? When there is a shortage of space for listening to the Story, for connecting with the people?

The short answer: opportunity.

Opportunity as a chance to make a difference or seize the moment; to encourage another human being, to express appreciation, to cultivate a spirit of gratitude, to apologize, to forgive, to love and be loved, to enjoy a fresh start; to “see the people”?

Can you remember the disappointment you felt when you realized you missed opportunity? That’s the cost of “no room” in our lives for reflection, contemplation, meditation, listening to the Story.

If there is “no room” when will you reflect on how you want to show up differently in your relationships…when will you consider what success really is…when will you examine your values and the role they are playing in how you live, or not?

The owner of Bethlehem Inn could have missed a historic opportunity because he had “no room”; but he didn’t. While it was not a master suite, it was good enough. Mary delivered a son and they named him Jesus.

Life is filled with opportunity.

How well are you creating space for reflection on your Story, your influence, your purpose and contribution?

Yes, life is filled with opportunities; do you have room?

The ability to function at our highest level requires we create space so we can see the people…and that includes seeing ourselves.

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to read your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

* Photo by Pargon

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.   ― Eckhart Tolle

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – these may well become the great scarcities of tomorrow.  – Edwin Way Teale

Eight business leaders are in the room as I coach and explore with them The Best Predictor of Future Success… yes,

The ability and willingness

to learn and change,

achieved through

consistent reflection

on truth found in the Story.

As I ask “What stands out to you?” a successful businessman discusses the phrase: “consistent reflection” and the challenge of the discipline.

Space is the breath of life

Consistent reflection requires space.

Consistent reflection is a discipline - a systematic method used to advance something - in this case, personal growth.

These days I find myself inviting people to breathe. It is amazing how few of us practice deep breathing. The intensity of life is confirmed by how we “take breaths”. I know – who has time for deep breathing?

In support of future success it is essential to create space for consistent reflection. I know - who has time to be still and think?

Just as there are significant benefits from diaphragmatic breathing such as relaxation and stress relief, there is tremendous benefit from consistent reflection – freedom to grow as a human being.

How to Create Space

Look at the word “space” to discover the first secret:

To create space you must take control of the pace of life.

Space is more than the region beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. From a growth perspective , space is having enough room to accommodate something. It can be a period of time or an area set apart for a specific use; time and place.

What if you could have less unnecessary stress, more peace, and greater freedom? Sound good? You can and here’s how: slow down.  Create space for consistent reflection.

This is where we listen for truth in the story delivered as feedback, experience, success, or failure.

“Truth” involves the facts of the story, not assumptions; truth is reality, not your opinion or just “your reality” … to be truth it must include the other person’s perspective, too.

To create space you must take control of the PACE of life.

Breathe.

Let’s try that again, slowly now … you’ve got time.

Created Space is the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to reflect on the truth in the story and to bring truth to your story.

No acceleration required.

Life requires no acceleration; our world is taking care of that.

In 1970 Alvin Toffler wrote his bestselling book Future Shock; back when the pace of life was different, if not slower. While he wrote of information overload it was first mentioned in 1964 by Bertram Gross in The Managing of Organizations.

According to Wikipedia, Toffler uses “information overload”

…to refer to the difficulty a person can have understanding an issue and making decisions that can be caused by the presence of too much information.

Sensory overload was thought to cause disorientation and lack of responsiveness. Toffler posited information overload as having the same sorts of effects, but on the higher cognitive functions… (Emphasis added)

How does this affect our performance and relationships?

What happens to our growth journey when the pace of life is combined with sensory/information overload? We exhibit self-limiting behavior that produces poor performance and limits our influence. We are unable to make “the reasonably correct assessments on which rational behavior is dependent.” (Wikipedia)

The alternative to “rational” behavior is “irrational”. How we show up lacks reason or logical thought. What I’m doing to my relationship or career or health doesn’t make sense. We must create space to consistently reflect on behavior patterns; unproductive behavior means we are “stuck”.

Life does not require acceleration.

The second secret of Created Space; it…

Accelerates behavior change which leads to high performance

When space and time are invested in consistent reflection, listening for truth in your Story, the reward is freedom. Only truth liberates us from being stuck with self-limiting behavior.

Creating space allows us to see what living frantic lives hides.

When would be convenient?

When it comes getting things done we set appointments, am I right? Whether a business lunch, dentist appointment, a client meeting, the big game, vacation, even the oil change; why not time to reflect?

When it matters, put it on the calendar.

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – how scarce are they in your world? How will take control of the pace of life to create space?

What behavior change will address to improve your performance?

How well are you creating space so you can write your story?

Please forward or Tweet if you like this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and no one to thank.  – Christina G. Rossetti

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr

The word history of “thanks” takes us to the Latin tongere – to know.

The Wonder of Relationships

Think of someone you have a solid relationship with. Can you remember when you first met?

Notice the journey, how little by little you move from being strangers – unfamiliar and unknown – to a deeper connectedness. How does this happen?

Over time; as we come to know their story and who they are the relationship develops.

And what do we know about Story?

• Everyone has a Story
• Every day we add to the Story
• Today, you will have influence on someone’s Story
• There always more to the story

Why so much conflict?

The effectiveness of my coaching requires a foundation of trust leading to authentic openness, this sacred getting to know another person and being known. It takes some time.

When I coach leaders in conflict, I hear two stories. That’s how it is, right?

Conflict threatens our relationships. The natural response to conflict is to fight or run from the person, the situation. Notice how the longer the conflict goes unresolved the less we see the other person or the truth in the Story.

To protect the relationship and stay connected we must seek to understand, to know and see the person. Being thankful supports our relationships in this way; when we  know someone and recognize what they bring.

The Grease of Gratitude

At the same time, it is our connection with people creates friction.

Unfulfilled expectations create frustration. What happens with the unmanaged frustration?  We revert to ancient behavior which  hinders our performance; shrinking our influence.

Whether with a business partner, work associate, family member or friend, relationships provide conflict.

Consider how the following impact your relationships:

• The pace of life
• The demands of work
• Ineffective or limited communication
• Chronic low energy (nearly epidemic)

Gratitude is one of the keys to quality relationships; interestingly, the essence of both great relationships and effective gratitude is our ability to know and see the people. 

Conflict tends to distort the truth of who they are and what they contribute AND how I contribute to the situation.

How do we reduce the friction of human connections? By cultivating gratitude for the other person.

A mechanic greases machine gears so they 1) run smoothly or 2) to stop something else from sticking to them.

The grease of gratitude helps our human connections 1) run smoothly and 2) protect them from the damage of such fear-based emotions as anxiety, anger, control, ill-will, resentment, frustration, irritation, and the like.

The Value of Conflict

Conflict naturally pushes us to fight or retreat; however there is a third option: stay and engage. Gratitude creates enough space and grace to do the work of seeking to understand the other person.

To be grateful includes appreciation of others and an expression of the same.

Which of your relationships could use the grease of gratitude?

Please leave a comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team,            a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing           Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Christina G. Rossetti (English Poet); 1834-1894 – Source: ThinkExist

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing, that we see too late, the one that is open.          – Alexander Graham Bell*

(Photo by Shootingsnow* on Flickr)

Last week I began the discussion around breakthrough success and resistance, asking: “Why the resistance?” Reminding you that …

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear-based suggestions

What opportunity is in front of you?

In my story, October has become the month of opportunity.

In October, 2007 I made the substantial decision and commitment to invest in executive coaching certification through TCU – Neeley School of Business in Fort Worth, Texas.

Yes, the catalyst for that decision was unexpected and it is true, the opportunity to make that decision was a surprise. But here’s the key: the event created the need to re-consider my Story, see a new opportunity, and then, overcome pockets of resistance along the way.

Yes, like countless others, I had to determine my response and take action or be stuck.  Thankfully, I received grace, tapped into my faith, and found freedom to sharpen pursuit of my purpose and passion: the development of people.

What is your story, your opportunity?

What got you here won’t get you there!

Four years later, I face the reality that what got me here won’t get me there.

No matter how good “here” is a better “there” is waiting for all of us.

While I celebrate the success of Next Level Executive Coaching, LLC I am acknowledging this principle: what got me here will not get me to my next level.

To help me get “there” I am investing in my development, including:

• A five-week, Speak to Sell Boot Camp with Lisa Sasevich
• Engaged John Eggen to mentor me in his Publishing and Marketing Program
• Working with Kim Castle and Vito Montone and their BrandU program for building my business
• Attending the two-day Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare Conference presented by McLean Hospital and Harvard Medical School’s Department of Continuing Education in Boston

Not only do I “coach” around this principle, I am committed to it. I know what got me here will not get me to my next level.

How do we defeat those pockets of resistance?

I shared my story around the resistance I experienced making the decision to pursue the author mentoring program. Rest assured the opportunities of October have been met with multiple pockets of opposition, internal and external, real and imagined.

Knowing the opposition, the resistance, the enemy is out there, we must be alert. Prompt, decisive action is required.

Here are the tactics I’m currently using to defeat the resistance:

1. Remember the Mission – keep focused on why it matters
2. Take Courage – remember previous breakthroughs for encouragement
3. Create Space – this is time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually; guard the harmony of your life
4. Disciplined Thinking – being mindful of the messaging in the head
5. Tapping Resources – our support system is vital, especially the people who believe
6. Manage Well – leverage those tools to manage time and energy

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against achievement. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt to encourage fear.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition and claim the opportunity.

It’s October, filled with opportunity. I’ll see you at the next level!

How do you handle the Resistance?

Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish born American Inventor and Educator. (1847-1922) Source: thinkexist.com

Photo by Shootingsnow

Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.  – Peter Drucker*

Stonington, Maine - Photo by Steve Laswell

That’s where I was on September 11 when the World Trade Center twin towers were brought down. As the news came in we were covering the story and glued to monitors; like the rest of America, in a state of shock.

Last week there was a lot of 9/11 coverage … to remember and re-visit is an important part of our nation’s future success is to remember.

Consistent reflection is vital whether for a nation, a company, or an individual life. A reflective lifestyle supports your ability and willingness to learn and change as you listen, reflect on the truth found in the Story.

What is the reward of such a commitment? Accelerated growth.

As I noted before, it is possible to break personal growth barriers. Personal development has a price: paying attention to the Story. I appreciate how Penelope Trunk illustrates this principle in her recent blog post How 9/11 Made Me a Better Entrepreneur.

Last week, I shared the four steps that helped me through the days following the shocking reality: “I’m not coming back Monday”.  Here’s what I wrote if you missed it.

What about the next day?

Saturday, September 1, 2007, began my unexpected “September Sabbatical”.

How did I move forward?

To help me remember, I pulled out my 2007 Journal last week. As I reviewed the Story, here’s what I notice…

1. The Pain:

What happens when a) you think you are deeply appreciated b) you made sacrifices for the company, and c) you are handled just like someone fired for performance issues? For me, that was the most painful part.

While my departure was for budget reasons there is still the pain.

Carol Bartz dealt with pain is different than mine. The former CEO of Yahoo experienced the pain when Roy Bostock delivered the news over the phone; the Board had fired her.

“I got it. I got it,” she told the Yahoo chairman. “I thought you were classier,” she added.

More bad news?

According to a Fortune.com, her interview with Patricia Sellers will likely cost her $10 million as she had a “non-disparagement clause”.  The Pain.

2. The Voices:

How normal, in such times of unexpected news and personal shock to waver between fear and faith, faith and fear, despair and hope.

My journal entry on 9/1 indicates this reality …

Two voices: 1) that’s corporate, a machine that takes and spits you out when done; no surprises here. 2) You’re going to have an amazing second half as I promised; I Am your Shepherd. (This thought comes out of my faith-based relationship with God.)

I don’t want to get stuck in anger or not properly grieve.

It’s an adventure with a painful birth moment.

Resisting fear.

3. The Truth:

Beyond the pain and voices there is the new reality. Reality is one aspect of truth – the facts – involving what must be dealt with in real life.

Once again, I quote from my journal as I reflected on the Story, the morning after …

Radio is not my passion, (it’s) a store-front to let me work with and help people along The Journey. It has become increasingly difficult to be myself and use my gifts, life experience, and wisdom to coach, mentor, and guide others.

Some of life is a mystery, at least in real time. A mystery is something not fully understood or understandable. We gain perspective – over time – which allows us to comprehend the bigger picture and appreciate the new opportunity.

Two weeks into the “new reality” it hit us; we were worn out. Halfway into the “sabbatical” I expressed concern that maybe I was “too relaxed…not doing my part”. That moment required faith if I was going to remain free and experience peace while embracing the Story.

After three weeks, the time came for me to “release” the decision maker who delivered the message late Friday afternoon: “No, you are not coming back on Monday.”

Forgiveness is about freedom; mine.

4. The Search:

The appointed day came – Monday, October 1, 2007; it was time … a new day, new week, new month, new quarter; it time for a fresh start. Indeed, my Significant September was over; it was “time to throw myself into the pursuit of what is next”.

How interesting to read in my Journal dated September 11, 2007 …

My DESIRE to help people, to develop people is high; I’m clueless as to what’s next…”

Four years later, I am a successful, certified executive coach; The People Developer.

How did make the transition?

It is what I call The Best Predictor of Future Success … the “secret” to future success …

The ability and willingness to learn and change, achieved through consistent reflection on truth found in the Story.

How do you identify with my story? Where are you in the story?

What was your “sudden jolt” story? How do you relate?

What did you do to get through your “shock and awe” moment?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Peter F. Drucker – writer, consultant, and teacher, 1909 – 2005