At moments of departure and a change of life, people capable of reflecting on their actions usually get into a serious state of mind. At these moments they usually take stock of the past and make plans for the future.                 ― Leo Tolstoy

Time is how we have learned to measure the passing of life.

Whether calculated in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years time is fleeting. That is NOT bad news — unless this limited resource is wasted.

Whether considered in years, months, weeks, days, hours, or minutes they are all opportunities to experience fresh starts. That IS good news, unless the opportunity is missed.

One of my clients recently revealed some of what he wants to accomplish in life. The challenge he faces is the reality of how much time is left to get his list done. Not the feeling that there’s not enough time in the day, rather a growing awareness of his mortality.

To make the most of life is the challenge we all face. One ancient Hebrew verse expresses the very human plea for help from God: Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

What’s your perspective?

My work involves more and more travel; one thing I still love about flying is the view. Flying from Denver to Montana, United Flight 5535 follows along the eastern edge of the Rocky Mountains.

Over the past few months I’ve been in awe seeing the changes from fall to winter. Each trip I am amazed at the beauty, grandeur, and wide open space.

Beyond that, the view from 30,000 feet reframes our activity on earth as busy, ant-like movement of people on pencil-wide trails; symmetrically arranged tiny neighborhoods and cityscapes that look like architectural models … a reality check of sorts.

Wisdom is the ability to see life from a higher perspective. This may look like the ability to make sensible decisions based on personal knowledge and experience. Or decision-making based on your thinking, judgment, and knowledge of life.

One way to gain wisdom is to cultivate a mindfulness of life’s brevity.

What happens when you recognize that your life is a limited resource during which you may take action, live connected, or make contribution?

Perhaps you’ve heard this quote from Steve Job’s Stanford Commencement address:

Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. (Emphasis added)

What changes would you make – moving into 2012 – if you concentrate on what is truly important?

What’s your Story?

Another way to gain wisdom is to look for truth in the Story and be intentional regarding how you are writing your Story.

None of us can re-write history; but we are gifted with the incredible opportunity to make decisions and take action today that will allow us to write a new story.

Wisdom allows us to see things from another perspective; not only the facts but the people in our Story. How much unnecessary conflict and stress can you eliminate when we choose to see beyond the conflict to see the people?

Indeed, fear drives us to exhibit ancient behavior – survival mode; this means we tend to run for our lives or kill the opponent when in conflict. However, there is a third option: stay and engage as people…people with a story which includes fears, hopes, and dreams … ideas and solutions when we are encouraged, accepted, and loved.

Wisdom allows us a fresh perspective and the ability to see the possibilities.

Exercise: Think of a relationship conflict

Imagine sitting with me on that United Flight departing Denver; see the Rockies, gain that perspective. Notice the “size” of even the Rockies, not to mention the cars, buildings, and cities; gain the perspective.

Now, back to the “problem” – the conflict with <name of person> … think about your answer to these questions:

• What do you want for this relationship; control or influence?
• What is your desired outcome?
• What do you wish for the other person?
• What are you accepting as true in the situation? Is it true? How do you know it is?
• What assumptions are you making?

When we ask ourselves such questions – especially in emotionally charged situations – we are creating space for some wisdom.

Wisdom not only helps us recognize the brevity of life but what matters in life: people.

How do you grow as a leader and enlarge your influence? Develop a heart of wisdom.

Happy New Year!

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.
― F. Scott Fitzgerald

Photo by Pargon on flickr

It was a week of early appointments and travel.

Sunday we drove to Oklahoma City for our grandchildren’s Christmas Program and to celebrate Levi’s sixth birthday.

Tuesday I caught an early flight to Denver in route to Montana to work on-site with one of my clients.  What a privilege; the response and progress is significant. Wednesday was a 6:30 a.m. breakfast with Doug. Incredibly rewarding; I love it.

Back home, in time for a Thursday breakfast to wrap up Brent’s 1on1 Executive Coaching engagement and celebrate his growth.

What’s one more breakfast appointment? It’s Friday, why not?

Not until Saturday morning, was I able to “create space” for reflection. Not only do I desire it, I require it if I’m to operate at my highest potential.

Do you have room?

When there is no room, we miss something in the Story – an opportunity.

This idea of “no room” reminds me of the Christmas Story.

The Bible records a time, around 6 – 4 BC, when Caesar Augustus ordered a census. That meant everyone was required to return to their hometown and register. If you were in the hospitality sector, it was good for business, right?

A man named Joseph made the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, his ancestral hometown. Accompanied by Mary – Joseph’s very pregnant fiancée – the time came for her to have her baby. One small problem, they did not have a reservation and there were no rooms.

Can you imagine?

Upon hearing their plight, the owner of the inn was innovative; he created space – offering them the stable.

That’s the story.

What’s the cost when we have no room?

Have you noticed, or is just me? Are life’s demands more demanding? Is there less room, maybe even “no room” for what matters most?

This Christmas weekend, I do not expect a young couple to show up at our house looking for a place to have a baby. However, our house will be filled with people.

People.

Yes, the business of life is people.

In fact, if you know me, you know I believe the business of business is people.

People and the Story

As people, our stories merge. The Story is written at work, in our communities, homes and families; sometimes amazingly beautiful, sometimes extremely difficult.

What does it cost when we have no room? When there is a shortage of space for listening to the Story, for connecting with the people?

The short answer: opportunity.

Opportunity as a chance to make a difference or seize the moment; to encourage another human being, to express appreciation, to cultivate a spirit of gratitude, to apologize, to forgive, to love and be loved, to enjoy a fresh start; to “see the people”?

Can you remember the disappointment you felt when you realized you missed opportunity? That’s the cost of “no room” in our lives for reflection, contemplation, meditation, listening to the Story.

If there is “no room” when will you reflect on how you want to show up differently in your relationships…when will you consider what success really is…when will you examine your values and the role they are playing in how you live, or not?

The owner of Bethlehem Inn could have missed a historic opportunity because he had “no room”; but he didn’t. While it was not a master suite, it was good enough. Mary delivered a son and they named him Jesus.

Life is filled with opportunity.

How well are you creating space for reflection on your Story, your influence, your purpose and contribution?

Yes, life is filled with opportunities; do you have room?

The ability to function at our highest level requires we create space so we can see the people…and that includes seeing ourselves.

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to read your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

* Photo by Pargon

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.   ― Eckhart Tolle

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – these may well become the great scarcities of tomorrow.  – Edwin Way Teale

Eight business leaders are in the room as I coach and explore with them The Best Predictor of Future Success… yes,

The ability and willingness

to learn and change,

achieved through

consistent reflection

on truth found in the Story.

As I ask “What stands out to you?” a successful businessman discusses the phrase: “consistent reflection” and the challenge of the discipline.

Space is the breath of life

Consistent reflection requires space.

Consistent reflection is a discipline - a systematic method used to advance something - in this case, personal growth.

These days I find myself inviting people to breathe. It is amazing how few of us practice deep breathing. The intensity of life is confirmed by how we “take breaths”. I know – who has time for deep breathing?

In support of future success it is essential to create space for consistent reflection. I know - who has time to be still and think?

Just as there are significant benefits from diaphragmatic breathing such as relaxation and stress relief, there is tremendous benefit from consistent reflection – freedom to grow as a human being.

How to Create Space

Look at the word “space” to discover the first secret:

To create space you must take control of the pace of life.

Space is more than the region beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. From a growth perspective , space is having enough room to accommodate something. It can be a period of time or an area set apart for a specific use; time and place.

What if you could have less unnecessary stress, more peace, and greater freedom? Sound good? You can and here’s how: slow down.  Create space for consistent reflection.

This is where we listen for truth in the story delivered as feedback, experience, success, or failure.

“Truth” involves the facts of the story, not assumptions; truth is reality, not your opinion or just “your reality” … to be truth it must include the other person’s perspective, too.

To create space you must take control of the PACE of life.

Breathe.

Let’s try that again, slowly now … you’ve got time.

Created Space is the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to reflect on the truth in the story and to bring truth to your story.

No acceleration required.

Life requires no acceleration; our world is taking care of that.

In 1970 Alvin Toffler wrote his bestselling book Future Shock; back when the pace of life was different, if not slower. While he wrote of information overload it was first mentioned in 1964 by Bertram Gross in The Managing of Organizations.

According to Wikipedia, Toffler uses “information overload”

…to refer to the difficulty a person can have understanding an issue and making decisions that can be caused by the presence of too much information.

Sensory overload was thought to cause disorientation and lack of responsiveness. Toffler posited information overload as having the same sorts of effects, but on the higher cognitive functions… (Emphasis added)

How does this affect our performance and relationships?

What happens to our growth journey when the pace of life is combined with sensory/information overload? We exhibit self-limiting behavior that produces poor performance and limits our influence. We are unable to make “the reasonably correct assessments on which rational behavior is dependent.” (Wikipedia)

The alternative to “rational” behavior is “irrational”. How we show up lacks reason or logical thought. What I’m doing to my relationship or career or health doesn’t make sense. We must create space to consistently reflect on behavior patterns; unproductive behavior means we are “stuck”.

Life does not require acceleration.

The second secret of Created Space; it…

Accelerates behavior change which leads to high performance

When space and time are invested in consistent reflection, listening for truth in your Story, the reward is freedom. Only truth liberates us from being stuck with self-limiting behavior.

Creating space allows us to see what living frantic lives hides.

When would be convenient?

When it comes getting things done we set appointments, am I right? Whether a business lunch, dentist appointment, a client meeting, the big game, vacation, even the oil change; why not time to reflect?

When it matters, put it on the calendar.

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – how scarce are they in your world? How will take control of the pace of life to create space?

What behavior change will address to improve your performance?

How well are you creating space so you can write your story?

Please forward or Tweet if you like this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.   – Martin Luther King, Jr.*

Freedom is wonderful.

Fear is horrible; the opponent of freedom.

As an executive coach I see the limiting power of fear … not only in my client’s stories, but mine.

Recently I traveled to Boston for the two-day Harvard Medical School Conference: Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare. I registered early for the conference and made my hotel reservation before securing my airline tickets.

As one who prefers to stay to the end, I do not like to leave early to catch a plane. With the conference ending at 5:00 p.m. there were no Saturday evening flights.

My reservation at the Renaissance Boston Waterfront only included Thursday and Friday night. For some reason, the conference rate was not extended to Saturday. While, at home, planning the trip, it was a small detail.

In August, Rita and I enjoyed a trip to Boston and up to Stonington, Maine. Before that trip I discovered a great app: Hotel Tonight. The smart phone app gives last-minute deals to great hotels with drastically reduced rates; the rooms are made available at noon for that night.

During our summer trip, we stayed at the fabulous 5-star, Boston Harbor Hotel using Hotel Tonight. That was the plan for this trip; book a room Saturday night using Hotel Tonight.

The Unreasonableness of Fear

Although my success with Hotel Tonight was 100%, fear came knocking on my door. Here’s the strategy exposed through my simple story …

1. There is a lot going on in Boston that weekend; I heard rooms are “scarce”
2. Uploaded 5.0 iPhone software just before leaving; new issues, now
3. A funky Wi-Fi connection rendered my iPhone device useless; I could not access the Hotel Tonight app
4. Yes, there was a room available at the conference hotel; rate of $499

Guess what was getting the best of me?  And no, please don’t lecture me about my planning style; this is my story.

Do you know that feeling?

There I am in Back Bay Boston, attending a HMS/Institute of Coaching conference; connecting with psychologists and coaches from Westport, CT, Toronto, Mason, OH, NYC, San Jose, CA.

Friday morning I meet Jim Loehr, author of The Power of Story (he really speaks my language). The whole environment is mind expanding and personally affirming.

It’s Friday night, I’m walking to grab dinner and called Rita to touch base. That’s when it happened …

Do you know that feeling? Fear – that “unpleasant feeling of anxiety or apprehension caused by the presence or anticipation of danger”. (Encarta Dictionary)

In fact, I experienced this unpleasant feeling of apprehension merely in anticipation of “danger”. And the danger was not harm or personal injury. It was merely a threat: What if I can’t find a room? What if I have to pay over $500 for one night in Boston? What if…?

Beyond Fear … Freedom!

Freedom is wonderful.

Do you know that space? Freedom is “a state in which somebody is able to act and live as he or she chooses, without being subject to any undue restraints or restrictions”.  (Encarta Dictionary)

I love freedom.

I love doing the right thing for the right reasons. I prefer to act and speak and live without the restriction fear imposes; to be present, to contribute, to show up authentically, to be my best me, interacting with others with their best interest in mind, with unconditional love … to live without any undue restrictions.

Fear limits, freedom liberates.

Fear says: fight or run away. Freedom allows me to stay engaged with life, with others and find solutions. (More on finding solutions with people here: Coaching Tip Video)

Fear seeks to hold me captive. Freedom applies truth to set me free so I move forward with others.

Where you like to be?

With the help of one of my coaches – my wife of 35 years Rita – I regained my freedom that night. After dinner, I called one of my sons-in-law; Jeffrey reminded me of an easy fix for my iPhone issue.

The next day at 12:05 p.m., I used my Hotel Tonight app and made a reservation at Seaport Boston Hotel for that night. The rate was half the Renaissance and I applied a $25 credit from Hotel Tonight (received the day before). Get this; I walked ONE block to check-in after the conference.

The anticipation of “danger” (fear, risk, threat, peril) is self-limiting.

The ability to act freely (freedom, liberty, choice, independence) is life-expanding.

What are you facing on the horizon?

What role is fear playing in your world?

How is it affecting you, your health, relationships, career, your story?

When will you demand your freedom from fear? (Remember, we must have truth to experience freedom.)

Here’s to your freedom; it’s amazing.

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Martin Luther King, Jr. (American Baptist Minister and Civil-Rights Leader; 1929-1968, Source: thinkexist.com

The closest to being in control we will ever have is in that moment that we realize we are not.   – Brian Kessler*

Photo by John Jordan

The human desire to be in control is causing untold frustration in relationships today.

Recently, my coaching conversation with one of my clients focused on the classic concept of “circle of control” vs. “circle of concern” … think, cracked egg poured into a skillet for a visual.

The yellow yolk represents that part of life we “control”. The egg white symbolizes the people or situations of “concern”.

I am not using “control” in the broader meaning represented by synonyms manage or management. That raises another question: Does management really control?

What do you really control?

Think about your world. Where do you exercise power or authority? Where are you in position to limit or restrict someone or something?

Look at your relationships; where are you really in control? Where are you trying to be in control?

Self-control

There are a few people with a high level of self-control. There are some people working on greater self-control.  While the majority need to work on self-control.

In fact, human nature presents quite a challenge to this goal of self-control. Have you noticed the inclination of Self to be selfish and actually prefers NOT to be controlled. (Need evidence? Watch childish behavior … no matter the age.)

Although, self-control is a key assignment, how much time and energy are wasted trying to control others, even “situations”.

May I ask … How much time and energy do you waste focused on situations and people in your “circle of concern” but outside your “circle of control”?

Follow the Frustration

If you are not sure how to answer that last question, answer this: How frustrated are you these days?

Frustration is that feeling of disappointment, exasperation, or weariness caused by goals being thwarted or desires unsatisfied. (Encarta Dictionary)

Frustration is an emotiinal indicator of the desire to control. When do you experience frustration? With who? Why? How are your expectations involved?

Where to Focus

Here is the paradox: as we focus on our own growth and responsibilities our “circle of influence” is expanded.

The big question: What do you want – control or influence?

Leadership happens when we quit trying to control and pursue influence.

What’s the cost?

My client’s experience is instructive about the price of an out-of-control desire to be in control; she writes …

If my focus is on these concerns, outside my actual area of control, what happens?

1. I get anxious about those uncontrollable things

2. Overload from trying to control too much

3. I experience failure because I am not really in control

4. Failure saps my strength and will to continue working

The demand plus lack of control leads to FRUSTRATION because the situation does not allow me to succeed. (emphasis added)

There you have it. The “reward” of focusing on situations outside our primary circle of control is frustration.  The solution is to narrow your focus.

How do you control that unproductive need to control?

What situation are you trying to control? Who? Why do you think you are?

How will you let go?

What will happen if you don’t?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Brian Kessler, Source: thinkexist.com

Photo Credits Flickr by John Jordon

The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance.   – Saint Augustine*

Flicker photo by tpower1978

Recently the Story has given me several opportunities to resist the Resistance. Resistance is a part of life; consistently it shows up whenever we are in pursuit of something greater.

Part of my professional development involves coaching. As a certified executive coach I witness every day the power of what I do. As a result, I consistently use coaches myself.

Recently, I engaged John Eggen and his team at Mission Publishing. Although I am a published author with two books, I’m ready to write my next book. John and his team have a process to help authors do just that.

If you have not written a book it’s not hard, it’s just not easy.  As the desire to write my next book grew there has been resistance.

Why the resistance?

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

What has the resistance to writing this next book sounded like?

• How much will the coaching cost?
• Do you really have time to write a book, right now?
• This book requires a different approach, are you sure you can do it?
• What if you reveal too much of your Next Level coaching process?
• What are you going to say that hasn’t already been said?
• What if you can’t get it done on schedule?
• What if…?

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear based suggestions.

Here are a few more characteristics of how the Resistance works; it…

• works in the space between current success and future success
• is an opposing force committed to hindering progress
• tries to create fear so we’re less inclined to take risks in life
• supports our human inclination to resist behavior changes – even when we know it is in our own best interest to do so

When have you ever felt overloaded?

Yes, it is possible to take on too large a load in life. Taking on too much work, stress or difficulty is different than pressing through the resistance.

When it comes to stepping up to a challenge that sense of overload goes with the territory; it is necessary if we’re to become stronger.

In the physical realm of resistance training, Wikipedia describes the two facets:

Resistance training is a form of strength training in which each effort is performed against a specific opposing force generated by resistance (i.e. resistance to being pushed, squeezed, stretched or bent). Exercises are isotonic if a body part is moving against the force. Exercises are isometric if a body part is holding still against the force.

Resistance exercise is used to develop the strength and size of skeletal muscles. Properly performed, resistance training can provide significant functional benefits and improvement in overall health and well-being.  (Emphasis added)

The goal of resistance training, according to the American Sports Medicine Institute (ASMI), is to “gradually and progressively overload the musculoskeletal system so it gets stronger.”

The role of resistance in development, when properly understood and managed, allows us to grow. No matter how good “here” is – what got you here won’t get you “there” to that preferable future.

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against our achievement of something greater. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt, often using voices from the past.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition.

When it comes to courage, Mark Twain is often quoted:

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

In October, with coaching support, I am leaning into this next project. I’ve heard the Resistance and determined to press through to accomplish my goal.

How do you handle the Resistance? Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Flicker photo by tpower1978

*Saint Augustine was an ancient Roman Christian Theologian and Bishop of Hippo; 354-430. Source: www.thinkexist.com

Grief is perhaps an unknown territory for you. You might feel both helpless and hopeless without a sense of a “map” for the journey. Confusion is the hallmark of a transition. To rebuild both your inner and outer world is a major project.   - Anne Grant*

Photo by Steve Laswell - Trinity Church Parish House in Boston

My most recent “major project”, to use Anne Grant’s phrase, began on a Friday afternoon August 31, 2007. It was Labor Day weekend so our offices at the radio station were pretty well vacated.

As Station Manager of Spirit 102.3 I had scheduled an appointment with our VP/Market Manager to discuss a few programming matters … or so I thought.

Within the first couple of minutes I knew something was up, I just didn’t know what. Instead of discussing my agenda, the conversation quickly turned to the 2008 Budget. Corporate wanted substantial cuts; my future became the real agenda; my position was being eliminated.

To say I was in shock is no exaggeration and aptly illustrated by my question: “Are you telling me I’m not coming back on Monday?”

Indeed, I would not return on Monday.

I would go down the hall and pack my office and call Rita for a ride home; “my” company car was a company car.

My exit would be without the opportunity to say farewell to my team and people I truly cared about. No punch, no cookies, no farewell party for the “people person”.

Shock and awe does not overstate my emotional response.

Yes, I appreciated the assurance given that it was not a performance issue.

Yes, I appreciated the helpful severance package.

Still, I was treated like a piece of machinery, not a piece of humanity.

Last Wednesday was the Fourth Anniversary of that Friday-afternoon, end of this chapter, broadcast radio Story; that fast-track ended.

While reflecting on this part of my Story, I identified 4 steps in my response to that sudden jolt. Perhaps you can identify with my “shock-n-awe” chapter along your journey … here is what I did:

1. Breathe

When something surprising and upsetting comes, we experience shock; distress, numbness, or fear are indeed normal as the new reality sets in: I’m not coming back on Monday!

Oxygen is a grace gift from our Creator, it not only keeps us alive physically, it helps create space so we can think and helps quiet our heart and mind … a good thing for such times.

Breathe, don’t panic, “It’s just business.”

2. Forgive

Forgiveness is about freedom, our freedom.

Intellectually, I knew it was “just business” but emotionally it felt personal. So this is where a 10 year relationship brings us? This is how we will write the ending chapter of our Story?

Forgiveness is required for the other truth: it is more than “just business”.

How about some respect for the human being? No opportunity given to connect with my colleagues, direct reports, and friends; yes, friends. And, what about my sacrifices for the company?

While we could agree to disagree on the business decision, how I was “handled” was personally painful. Only forgiveness would keep from that self-limiting box and by God’s grace I escaped.

3. Create Space

Given the shock of this event, I was not prepared to make any quick decisions. As reality settled in, September was declared a sabbatical.

Sabbaticals are those designated times away from work usually for research, study, or travel and often with pay; that’s what I needed and was fortunate enough to have.

Within a matter of days, a lot of life was on the my calendar:

• my 53^rd birthday on September 4
• our sixth grandchild, Max, was born on September 5^th and required a few days in the NICU
• my wife Rita’s birthday, September 7
• our 31^st Wedding Anniversary, September 12

Thinking of September as a sabbatical released me to set October 1 as the date I would start working on “What now?” … which is what I did.

Creating space is critical to our ability to experience personal growth and continued success along the journey. It is vital to our ability to find our way and gain perspective after a sudden jolt.

4. Connect with others

I’ll never forget Lucy’s call. She was a consultant for our company and called as soon as she learned of the decision. She simply said “I believe in you.”  Thank you, Lucy and others who called over the days ahead.

(Note to self: when inclined to ignore news of someone’s jolt, move toward the person, it will never be forgotten and your call will make a difference.)

It’s not what we say; it’s that we care enough to call that matters.

These four steps – combined with my faith in God and my commitment to journal – helped me move forward into a life-changing transition bringing me to this spacious place I now enjoy as an executive coach.

What is your “sudden jolt” story?

How do you relate to these 4 steps?

What did you do to get through your “shock and awe” moment?

Please comment below.

*Anne Grant was a Scottish Poet; 1755-1838

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another.
      – James Matthew Barrie

Sunday evening, my wife Rita I returned to Tulsa from Oklahoma City.  We spent the weekend with our three married daughters and their families; time to celebrate our middle daughter’s birthday. With eight grandchildren (yes, 7 grandsons!) we always have an interesting time.

Traveling the Turner Turnpike our conversation turned to the past couple of days.  We shared highlights of the weekend as well as some of the challenges. Time with others deepens our connection.

The increased awareness brought my coaching mantra about “story” into the conversation; yes, “everyone has a story.” When it comes to life and the journey that’s got us here, whether family or business, it’s true:

Everyone has a story.

Every day we add to our story.

Today, you will influence someone’s story.

It is also accurate to say that what got me here, won’t get me there. “There” being better than “here”, no matter how good today’s success. “There” represents future success, greater achievement, becoming a stronger person … fulfilling my purpose in life to the best of my ability.

How do we achieve our next level of personal success?

This Next Level Journey is about two paths. Have you noticed how often two paths are usually available to us?  The proverbial “fork in the road”, a moment of decision…sometimes a matter of preference, but often a matter of choice – will we take the high road or not?

The path we choose determines how we write the story; Story is about both our journey and destiny.

Of course, Story has a past, with both historic and ordinary days.  Story is rich with instructive messages, guidance, illustrations, feedback, experience, success and failure; yes, even truth is to be discovered in the Story when we listen.

Our narratives intersect; the story develops and within it a guide to future success.

I find it helpful to think about my life as a story. We have two options as we listen to the story:

1. To listen deeply – the goal is to discover truth.  Truth means simply the “facts and realities” of my life, my relationships, my story.  When we are open minded the truth in our story will set us free, guiding our steps, leading us to even greater success in life.
2. To listen prudently – the goal is to expose deception. An ancient proverbs says, “The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, the folly of fools is deception.”  To be misled is to be deceived; truth is needed to get out of the dark. Whether self-deceived or deliberately mislead the affect is the same.

No doubt about it, there is resistance to our personal growth and development. The voices seek to destroy vision, dreams, confidence, even relationships through deception.  When deceived we live in bondage and are held back from future success, our full potential.

Reflecting on the truth, found in our Story, is vital to our freedom and future success.

Editing the Story

As you know, Story has three parts: the past, the present, and the future.  Tomorrow may be included, we just don’t know for sure. What we do know is that our story today is better when we listen and learn … pay attention to the past; then, we can write a better narrative today.

When we listen deeply and prudently to our story, truth is revealed and with truth comes freedom…freedom to choose the path we take.

The past will not be re-written, but it will help us edit today’s story; a well-written story today will help us get there tomorrow.

The Best Predictor of Future Success

is the ability and willingness to learn and change,

achieved through consistent reflection on

truth revealed in the Story.

No matter how much we love our children the fact remains: everyone has a story and every day we add to our story. We are responsible for listening, learning, leading out of our story. There is good news; we have the authority and power to edit our story for a brighter tomorrow.

How well are you listening and learning from your story?

Please share your comments below.

No doubt, you’ve read about Google’s top leadership change.  The Los Angeles Times reported on the regulatory filing submitted by Google to the Securities and Exchange Commission confirming an award for outgoing CEO, Eric Schmidt.

The members of the Leadership Development and Compensation Committee of Google’s Board of Directors (LDCC) approved equity awards for Eric Schmidt in the aggregate amount of $100 million on January 21, 2011. Consistent with Google’s equity-granting practice, stock options and Google Stock Units (GSUs) will be granted in the ratio of two stock options for each GSU, which will result in a GSU grant value of approximately $55.6 million and an option grant value of approximately $44.4 million.

The equity awards will be granted on February 2, 2011…and will vest over a four-year period.

In order to claim the entire $100-million equity award — the first such award Google is giving to the man who has served as its CEO over the last decade — Schmidt will have to remain at Google for at least the next four years.

Schmidt will need to stay around for another four years to receive his “nice pat on the back” along with the golden handcuffs.

The award is not only a nice pat on the back for Schmidt, it also gives him a reason not to head off and run any companies that are seeking to knock the Mountain View, Calif., firm off its perch as a Web search and advertising leader and a growing influence in smart-phone operating systems.

Speaking of Google, a search for “leadership development” created about 24,200,000 results (0.10 seconds). That’s a lot of leadership development “support” or not.  

Leadership development means what?

Leadership is the ability to lead, guide, direct or influence.

Development deals with a process of change in order to become stronger, more successful or helping someone to experience such a change.

Here’s my working definition for leadership development:

Leadership development is engaging in the process of personal change in order to expand one’s relationship influence for greater success.

Two Realities around Success Stories

The first reality is this thought: “Sure enough, I got here in spite of myself.” When I mention this to successful leaders, they usually just laugh and agree. 

Then, there is a second reality: “What got you here won’t get you there.” You are successful or you would not be reading this. Yes, we build on experience, feedback, success, and failure; to achieve “next level success” requires additional development.

Leadership development is engaging in the process of change in order to enlarge one’s relationship influence for greater success.

A new Page for Larry and Us

As leaders emerge there is a significant shift required; from technical savvy to leader savvy…from knowing how to DO to knowing how to BE and doing through others, that’s right, exercising the ability to lead, guide or influence PEOPLE.

Consider the story of Google’s new CEO, Larry Page.  As Nicholas Carlson reports in SFGate 

Googlers and ex-Googlers say the company’s new CEO, cofounder Larry Page, is an unpretentious, rude person who will find interacting with other people the most challenging part of his new job.

I don’t know Larry Page, but I do recognize the reality of the transition and transformation he is about to experience IF he is going to succeed.  I hope leadership development – the intentional engagement in the process of change in order to have relationship influence for continued success – is high on Larry’s agenda.

• How do you rate your “core leadership skills” (people skills) that allow you to influence others for greater success? 
• What do you base your response on; how do you know it is true?
• Where do you see opportunity to develop as a leader?

You may not be on the world’s stage like Larry Page, but leadership development is everyone’s personal responsibility whether you work for a Fortune 500 company or yourself.

Please join me in this conversation, I’d love to hear your thoughts; comments welcome below.

Picture: Wired.com

My informal LinkedIn survey indicates the language of “Work-Life Balance” doesn’t work for most people when it comes to “balance” in life.  

My concern, as an executive coach, is about helping leaders achieve greater life-success with less stress.

So, I’ll leave the corporate responsibility to others like Texas Instruments.

TI made Fortune Magazine’s “100 Best Companies to Work For” list (2009).  Working Mother Magazine named them one of its “100 Best Companies for Working Mothers” for the 14th consecutive year.

According to their Corporate Report, Texas Instruments work-life programs encompass flexible working options including flex time, compressed work weeks, part time, job sharing and telecommuting, as well as options to reduce stress and ease personal life.  

There’s nothing new here, but Career Builder conducted a nationwide survey to look at the pressure on today’s worker and indicators of work-addiction.

More than half of workers (52%) reported they put in more than 40 hours a week. Fourteen percent (14%) work more than 50 hours. Thirty-one percent (31%) bring home work at least once a week; one-in-ten (10%) bring home work at least every other day.

For a quarter of workers, it’s difficult to leave the office behind once they leave for the day.

• 24 percent of workers reported that when they’re at home or out socially, they’re still thinking about work.
• 19 percent often dream about work.
• 16 percent stated that most of their conversations – at work, home or out socially – always tend to focus on work.

Extended workdays and an unwavering focus on business while at home are taking a toll on family relationships.

• 22 percent of workers reported they don’t have time to pursue personal interests because they say they’re always working.
• 15 percent reported that they would rather be working than at home.
• 12 percent said the amount of time spent on work is causing friction with their family.
• 9 percent are more concerned about approval from their boss than their family.

Workers reported increased stress levels and health complications tied to pressures at work.

• 51 percent of workers reported their workloads have increased over the last six months.
• 27 percent have not taken a personal or sick day in the last few years.  (Emphasis added)

It sounds like many people are growing tired of living “out of balance”; it’s hurting important relationships and the health of our work force.  

Last week I initiated this conversation after a client coaching session and a recent request by a Director of Talent Strategies & Recruitment to address the topic. It remains my intent to offer a new model to help us think about “work-life balance”. 

The Wall Street Journal picked up on this tension in their article: “New Model for Work-Life Balance on Wall Street?”  Nick Leopard, 30 and Andy Blechman, 27 have formed a company called Accordion Partners that hires out experienced investment bankers by the hour.  Why?

Flexibility…appeals to a younger generation that rejects the Wall Street ethos that work means sacrificing a personal life. “Right now, we’re getting a ton of buzz from people that have been at the banks five years and want a change,” Blechman said. (Emphasis added)

Again, my focus is to support individual personal growth not advise corporate policy.  Remember who is responsible for how you live life, define success, and conduct your relationships?

What about “Life Harmony”?

(If you missed the introductory post it may help if you read it now.)

Life Harmony is a new model for “work-life balance”.

Life Harmony is about how you write your story…how your story fits into The Story of your self, your family, your community and co-workers (work).  

Life harmony happens as we interweave our roles, responsibilities, and relationships into a single narrative and…like it.

What guides the making of music?

Music continues to support our exploration of “Life Harmony”.  If you missed seeing the YouTube last week it will take 2 minutes now.  It is a powerful illustration of the new “Life Harmony”.

Now, how does that happen?

The relative duration of a musical note is the “value” given it.  There are whole notes, half-notes, and quarter-notes; there are more…even a hundred-twenty-eight note (that’s short and fast!)

The actual writing of music is known as notation:

It is the written expression of music notes and rhythms on paper using symbols. When music is written down, the pitches and rhythm of the music is notated, along with instructions on how to perform the music. (Emphasis added)

Music is created when the value of the notes is performed; including the sound of a distinct pitch, quality, and duration whether vocal or instrumental. Such an arrangement of notes can lead to a pleasing combination of sounds: harmony.

Creating “Life Harmony” (new “work-life balance”) is also supported by our assigned values.  

What’s that worth?

That’s the question - How much to do I value this…?

When something is important it has great value or worth. Whether “work-life balance” or “Life Harmony” knowing and living our values will help.

When was the last time you reviewed your values? 

How well is your life guided by your values? Where do you see conflict?   

Here is a coaching exercise to help you with this, simply click and print your copy NLEC Value Worksheet. 

Our values help guide ”Life Harmony”.

How is your “work-life balance” affecting important relationships and your health?

How can you tap into your values to create Life Harmony? What’s “one thing”?