Excellence is never an accident. It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, and intelligent execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives – choice, not chance, determines your destiny.    ― Aristotle

Photo by blue2likeyou on flickr

There is a reason why we don’t achieve resolutions with the New Year.

There is a reason why new initiatives fail in business.

There is a reason why we are stuck with behaviors that limit our personal lives.

Are you hallucinating? When something is imagined, but it’s not really present or actually occurring, we say the person is hallucinating. While few deal with the psychiatric disorder or the drug induced variety … many have a false sense of reality – an illusion - and remain stuck with poor performance.

Recently I was challenged by something Peter Bregman wrote on the Harvard Business Review Blog Network. Here are four questions to help you get “it” done. Answer these questions and you know the secret to supporting the change you desire in your life.

First, what is your desired outcome?

Where are you stuck – physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually? Or what new discipline do you want to initiate? Or what project do you want to complete? Specifically identify what you want to accomplish.

Second, how clearly focused are you?

Why do you want to do make this change? What benefit(s) will you reap when you are consistently engaged in the new discipline … or once you complete that project?

How will you do it? What skills or resources do you need? Do you know “how to” to move forward?

Third, where is the resistance?

What do you hear in your head that sabotages your effort? We could call them “excuses”; what does that internal voice, “the resistance” say to hinder your action?

The secret to “unstuck”

For the sake of illustration - let’s say you are ready to begin exercising.

1. WHY do you want to exercise? What are the benefits you desire?
2. HOW will you exercise?  Do know how to exercise in order to achieve your desired outcome; if not who can help you?

Here’s the point:

When it comes to execution, it is rarely a matter of motivation (why) or skill (how to). Usually it comes down to no plan (the when and where) and no accountability (who) further cluttered by the resistance in our head.

What is “the resistance” inside your head whisper when it comes time to follow through?

It is really about follow through and the need to shut-up the irrational voice in our head; not a lack of motivation.

What is your plan?

As you shut the voices and old thinking it is time to create your plan by asking:

1. When will I exercise?
2. Where will exercise?
3. Who will I be accountable to?

Staying with the illustration my plan which requires follow through:

On M/W/F/S – I will walk with Rita, at 6:00 p.m. for 20 minutes in our neighborhood.

It is Thomas A. Edison who noted,

Vision without execution is hallucination.

When feeling stuck, check your why and how, but just as important, create your plan and follow through. Otherwise, you may be hallucinating.

What do you think? I would enjoy reading your comments below.

By the way, who could you forward this to?

Finding this article helpful, would you make a moment to Tweet to your followers?

Newly released, available to you and your team; a great read for team discussions:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.   ― Eckhart Tolle

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – these may well become the great scarcities of tomorrow.  – Edwin Way Teale

Eight business leaders are in the room as I coach and explore with them The Best Predictor of Future Success… yes,

The ability and willingness

to learn and change,

achieved through

consistent reflection

on truth found in the Story.

As I ask “What stands out to you?” a successful businessman discusses the phrase: “consistent reflection” and the challenge of the discipline.

Space is the breath of life

Consistent reflection requires space.

Consistent reflection is a discipline - a systematic method used to advance something - in this case, personal growth.

These days I find myself inviting people to breathe. It is amazing how few of us practice deep breathing. The intensity of life is confirmed by how we “take breaths”. I know – who has time for deep breathing?

In support of future success it is essential to create space for consistent reflection. I know - who has time to be still and think?

Just as there are significant benefits from diaphragmatic breathing such as relaxation and stress relief, there is tremendous benefit from consistent reflection – freedom to grow as a human being.

How to Create Space

Look at the word “space” to discover the first secret:

To create space you must take control of the pace of life.

Space is more than the region beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. From a growth perspective , space is having enough room to accommodate something. It can be a period of time or an area set apart for a specific use; time and place.

What if you could have less unnecessary stress, more peace, and greater freedom? Sound good? You can and here’s how: slow down.  Create space for consistent reflection.

This is where we listen for truth in the story delivered as feedback, experience, success, or failure.

“Truth” involves the facts of the story, not assumptions; truth is reality, not your opinion or just “your reality” … to be truth it must include the other person’s perspective, too.

To create space you must take control of the PACE of life.

Breathe.

Let’s try that again, slowly now … you’ve got time.

Created Space is the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to reflect on the truth in the story and to bring truth to your story.

No acceleration required.

Life requires no acceleration; our world is taking care of that.

In 1970 Alvin Toffler wrote his bestselling book Future Shock; back when the pace of life was different, if not slower. While he wrote of information overload it was first mentioned in 1964 by Bertram Gross in The Managing of Organizations.

According to Wikipedia, Toffler uses “information overload”

…to refer to the difficulty a person can have understanding an issue and making decisions that can be caused by the presence of too much information.

Sensory overload was thought to cause disorientation and lack of responsiveness. Toffler posited information overload as having the same sorts of effects, but on the higher cognitive functions… (Emphasis added)

How does this affect our performance and relationships?

What happens to our growth journey when the pace of life is combined with sensory/information overload? We exhibit self-limiting behavior that produces poor performance and limits our influence. We are unable to make “the reasonably correct assessments on which rational behavior is dependent.” (Wikipedia)

The alternative to “rational” behavior is “irrational”. How we show up lacks reason or logical thought. What I’m doing to my relationship or career or health doesn’t make sense. We must create space to consistently reflect on behavior patterns; unproductive behavior means we are “stuck”.

Life does not require acceleration.

The second secret of Created Space; it…

Accelerates behavior change which leads to high performance

When space and time are invested in consistent reflection, listening for truth in your Story, the reward is freedom. Only truth liberates us from being stuck with self-limiting behavior.

Creating space allows us to see what living frantic lives hides.

When would be convenient?

When it comes getting things done we set appointments, am I right? Whether a business lunch, dentist appointment, a client meeting, the big game, vacation, even the oil change; why not time to reflect?

When it matters, put it on the calendar.

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – how scarce are they in your world? How will take control of the pace of life to create space?

What behavior change will address to improve your performance?

How well are you creating space so you can write your story?

Please forward or Tweet if you like this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Mankind must evolve – for all human conflict – a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such method is love.   – Martin Luther King, Jr.*

With the expectation to “do more with less” and the bare-bone staffing of business the pressure opens the door for increased interpersonal conflict.

Time-starved and sleep-deprived, people are showing up at work fatigued creating more opportunity conflict and frustration.

How do you handle the conflict?

What can you do to move from conflict – whether a colleague, direct report, family or the driver in the next lane – to a workable solution?

Here is a short video coaching tip (less than 2 minutes) on the subject:

What do you think?

How does fear, conformity, or laziness show up in creating solutions?

How well are you seeing past the problem?

How well are you seeing the people?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*American Baptist Minister and Civil-Rights Leader. (1929-1968) Source: thinkexist.com

The mind commands the body and it obeys. The mind orders itself and meets resistance.   – Saint Augustine*

Flicker photo by tpower1978

Recently the Story has given me several opportunities to resist the Resistance. Resistance is a part of life; consistently it shows up whenever we are in pursuit of something greater.

Part of my professional development involves coaching. As a certified executive coach I witness every day the power of what I do. As a result, I consistently use coaches myself.

Recently, I engaged John Eggen and his team at Mission Publishing. Although I am a published author with two books, I’m ready to write my next book. John and his team have a process to help authors do just that.

If you have not written a book it’s not hard, it’s just not easy.  As the desire to write my next book grew there has been resistance.

Why the resistance?

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

What has the resistance to writing this next book sounded like?

• How much will the coaching cost?
• Do you really have time to write a book, right now?
• This book requires a different approach, are you sure you can do it?
• What if you reveal too much of your Next Level coaching process?
• What are you going to say that hasn’t already been said?
• What if you can’t get it done on schedule?
• What if…?

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear based suggestions.

Here are a few more characteristics of how the Resistance works; it…

• works in the space between current success and future success
• is an opposing force committed to hindering progress
• tries to create fear so we’re less inclined to take risks in life
• supports our human inclination to resist behavior changes – even when we know it is in our own best interest to do so

When have you ever felt overloaded?

Yes, it is possible to take on too large a load in life. Taking on too much work, stress or difficulty is different than pressing through the resistance.

When it comes to stepping up to a challenge that sense of overload goes with the territory; it is necessary if we’re to become stronger.

In the physical realm of resistance training, Wikipedia describes the two facets:

Resistance training is a form of strength training in which each effort is performed against a specific opposing force generated by resistance (i.e. resistance to being pushed, squeezed, stretched or bent). Exercises are isotonic if a body part is moving against the force. Exercises are isometric if a body part is holding still against the force.

Resistance exercise is used to develop the strength and size of skeletal muscles. Properly performed, resistance training can provide significant functional benefits and improvement in overall health and well-being.  (Emphasis added)

The goal of resistance training, according to the American Sports Medicine Institute (ASMI), is to “gradually and progressively overload the musculoskeletal system so it gets stronger.”

The role of resistance in development, when properly understood and managed, allows us to grow. No matter how good “here” is – what got you here won’t get you “there” to that preferable future.

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against our achievement of something greater. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt, often using voices from the past.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition.

When it comes to courage, Mark Twain is often quoted:

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

In October, with coaching support, I am leaning into this next project. I’ve heard the Resistance and determined to press through to accomplish my goal.

How do you handle the Resistance? Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Flicker photo by tpower1978

*Saint Augustine was an ancient Roman Christian Theologian and Bishop of Hippo; 354-430. Source: www.thinkexist.com

A story to me means a plot where there is some surprise. Because that is how life is – full of surprises.  - Isaac Bashevis Singer* 

Flicker Photo by BiblioArchives / LibraryArchies

My career in radio was a fast-track: starting as a rookie Account Executive in January 1997, promoted to General Sales Manager in 1999 and on to Station Manager, 2005.

I learned a lot about the element of surprise, especially in programming, it’s intentional. However, the ultimate element of surprise remains my exit story.

In 2005, I was General Sales Manager of the #1 billing, heritage news talk station, 740-AM KRMG. Our veteran morning show host, John Erling signed-off after a 29 year on-air career with the Tulsa station.

It was a major change for John Erling, our listeners and advertisers, the on-air staff and my sales team. A lot of work went into the execution of that change. For most people, July 28, 2005 was shocking, a big surprise.

The Format Change

Now, imagine a 19 year old male listener of Rock 102.3 (KRTQ-FM) – an active rock format. See him slide behind the wheel, half awake as he starts his car; watch the look on his face as his pre-set radio blasts Amy Grant singing her rendition of “El Shaddai”.  Yes, the phone lines lit up, “What the…?”

For the first time in his life he was “listening to” a contemporary Christian music radio station. A bit confused, he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and double checks the radio dial; sure enough the digital display shows: 102.3 FM.

He scratches his head, wondering what’s happened to his station. Such was the experience of a few listeners in 2005 right around Thanksgiving.  Surprise.

The Story Continues

Now, picture a young mother loading her kids into her minivan; it’s time to drop them off at school. As a loyal listener of KKCM she loves the new contemporary Christian music station 102.3-FM (KKCM). (Yes, this is the station that replaced the young active rocker’s favorite station KRTQ.)

Today, she looks at her car radio with that confused look; the radio shows 102.3 FM but she finds herself listening to a “breaking news” report about a murder last night…not Amy Grant.

KKCM-FM has been flipped to News Talk 102.3 KRMG-FM. Surprise.

What about the Boy Scouts?

Do you remember the Boy Scout motto: Be Prepared?

A scout must prepare himself by previous thinking out and practicing how to act on any accident or emergency so that he is never taken by surprise.

Although I think I understand what Robert Baden-Powell meant, I wonder if its realistic: never taken by surprise.

“Surprised” is pretty normal these days … maybe since the beginning of time?

Life with surprises would lack

• feelings of wonder, especially at something unexpected
• unexpected gifts
• amazement
• tricking someone into do something

Surprise brings life to life.

The Story is Filled with Surprise

In Oklahoma City many were surprised when a Denver businessman bought OPUBCO after 100 years of “family control” and local ownership.

The Journal Record reports this transaction as an “End of an era…”

Denver petroleum businessman Philip Anschutz will buy OPUBCO and all of its assets, including The Oklahoman newspaper, NewsOK.com, the corporate tower in northwest Oklahoma City, hotels and other real estate interests, company officials said in a story published by the newspaper Thursday. The Gaylord and Dickinson families have controlled OPUBCO for more than 100 years.

Newspaper columnist, Joan Gilmore started her career in the early 1950’s with the newspaper…

To say I’m speechless would be an understatement. Never, ever, did I think the Oklahoma Publishing Co. would be sold – to anyone.

Speechless  is pretty normal today, too.

How to Handle the Speechless Moments

The number of people who are surprised by downsizing and layoffs is historic.

It seems Issac Singer got it right when he wrote,  “A story to me means a plot where there is some surprise. Because that is how life is – full of surprises.”

Here are five suggestions for managing the surprises of the Story.

1. Stay Attentive

Paying attention to the Story can help us pick up on the clues. The ability to make sense of the story – even after the fact – is supportive to our ability to move forward

2. Be Adaptable

Flexibility supports growth, especially when facing sudden change

3. Stay Anchored

Life can be stormy; avoid panic by exercising faith and cultivating confidence

4. Seek Connections

Solid relationships are valuable, all the more when taken by surprise; we really do need each other

5. Cultivate Openness

Receptivity to the NEW possibilities is big; asking “What now…?” instead of “Now what!?” helps us write the next chapter

What is the “surprise” in your Story?

How did you or are you responding to the surprise?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team,   a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Isaac Bashevis Singer. (n.d.). BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved September 16, 2011, from BrainyQuote.com Web site: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/i/isaacbashe117212.html

Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.  – Peter Drucker*

Stonington, Maine - Photo by Steve Laswell

That’s where I was on September 11 when the World Trade Center twin towers were brought down. As the news came in we were covering the story and glued to monitors; like the rest of America, in a state of shock.

Last week there was a lot of 9/11 coverage … to remember and re-visit is an important part of our nation’s future success is to remember.

Consistent reflection is vital whether for a nation, a company, or an individual life. A reflective lifestyle supports your ability and willingness to learn and change as you listen, reflect on the truth found in the Story.

What is the reward of such a commitment? Accelerated growth.

As I noted before, it is possible to break personal growth barriers. Personal development has a price: paying attention to the Story. I appreciate how Penelope Trunk illustrates this principle in her recent blog post How 9/11 Made Me a Better Entrepreneur.

Last week, I shared the four steps that helped me through the days following the shocking reality: “I’m not coming back Monday”.  Here’s what I wrote if you missed it.

What about the next day?

Saturday, September 1, 2007, began my unexpected “September Sabbatical”.

How did I move forward?

To help me remember, I pulled out my 2007 Journal last week. As I reviewed the Story, here’s what I notice…

1. The Pain:

What happens when a) you think you are deeply appreciated b) you made sacrifices for the company, and c) you are handled just like someone fired for performance issues? For me, that was the most painful part.

While my departure was for budget reasons there is still the pain.

Carol Bartz dealt with pain is different than mine. The former CEO of Yahoo experienced the pain when Roy Bostock delivered the news over the phone; the Board had fired her.

“I got it. I got it,” she told the Yahoo chairman. “I thought you were classier,” she added.

More bad news?

According to a Fortune.com, her interview with Patricia Sellers will likely cost her $10 million as she had a “non-disparagement clause”.  The Pain.

2. The Voices:

How normal, in such times of unexpected news and personal shock to waver between fear and faith, faith and fear, despair and hope.

My journal entry on 9/1 indicates this reality …

Two voices: 1) that’s corporate, a machine that takes and spits you out when done; no surprises here. 2) You’re going to have an amazing second half as I promised; I Am your Shepherd. (This thought comes out of my faith-based relationship with God.)

I don’t want to get stuck in anger or not properly grieve.

It’s an adventure with a painful birth moment.

Resisting fear.

3. The Truth:

Beyond the pain and voices there is the new reality. Reality is one aspect of truth – the facts – involving what must be dealt with in real life.

Once again, I quote from my journal as I reflected on the Story, the morning after …

Radio is not my passion, (it’s) a store-front to let me work with and help people along The Journey. It has become increasingly difficult to be myself and use my gifts, life experience, and wisdom to coach, mentor, and guide others.

Some of life is a mystery, at least in real time. A mystery is something not fully understood or understandable. We gain perspective – over time – which allows us to comprehend the bigger picture and appreciate the new opportunity.

Two weeks into the “new reality” it hit us; we were worn out. Halfway into the “sabbatical” I expressed concern that maybe I was “too relaxed…not doing my part”. That moment required faith if I was going to remain free and experience peace while embracing the Story.

After three weeks, the time came for me to “release” the decision maker who delivered the message late Friday afternoon: “No, you are not coming back on Monday.”

Forgiveness is about freedom; mine.

4. The Search:

The appointed day came – Monday, October 1, 2007; it was time … a new day, new week, new month, new quarter; it time for a fresh start. Indeed, my Significant September was over; it was “time to throw myself into the pursuit of what is next”.

How interesting to read in my Journal dated September 11, 2007 …

My DESIRE to help people, to develop people is high; I’m clueless as to what’s next…”

Four years later, I am a successful, certified executive coach; The People Developer.

How did make the transition?

It is what I call The Best Predictor of Future Success … the “secret” to future success …

The ability and willingness to learn and change, achieved through consistent reflection on truth found in the Story.

How do you identify with my story? Where are you in the story?

What was your “sudden jolt” story? How do you relate?

What did you do to get through your “shock and awe” moment?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Peter F. Drucker – writer, consultant, and teacher, 1909 – 2005

Photo by Alyssa L. Miller

The Towers Watson 2010 Global Workforce Study reveals a major shift in the traditional employment relationship. According to the study, there is a “recession-weary workforce [with] lower expectations, increased anxiety, and new priorities”. 

Whether you are “recession-weary” or weary from the demands of life, financial pressure, packed schedule, too-many-irons-in-the-fire, overloaded-at-work, or just exhausted you must take care of yourself. I’m running into a lot of weary people in my coaching practice.

Recently, I wrote on how to support high performance and the value making progress brings to us …

1. Progress in meaningful work energizes  
2. Guarding against unintentionally hindering work  is important 

Indeed, making progress provides an emotional boost. At the end of the day, we receive emotional support and motivation from even a small win. High performance is the reward.

Four Keys to Sustaining High Performance

Tony Schwartz, CEO of The Energy Project is author of Be Excellent at Anything. In a recent Harvard Business Review interview he comments on four primary dimensions of energy in relationship to performance.

It is prudent to examine how well you are doing with these in order to support your performance. How well are do you tap into these four energy sources?

• Physical – fitness, sleep, nutrition, and rest
• Emotional – cultivating positive emotions
• Mental – gaining more control of our attention
  1. Increasing the ability to focus on one thing at a time
  2. Shifting into the right hemisphere to do more creative work
• Spiritual – defining purpose

How do you rate your life in these areas?

More, more, more…

The pressure is on, the more you can handle the more you are given to handle…that’s the reward — right?

High performance requires energy and while making progress each day is helpful it can only provide so much support. Today’s work place and life depletes energy. It is both prudent and our responsibility to replenish our power supply.

Which of one of these four get-up-and-go energy sources do you need to give attention to?

Now, what is one step, one thing you can do to protect your energy source?

How are you replenishing yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?

Please share your comments below.

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Photo from the Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain.

The Facebook notification came early Tuesday morning; subject read: “Random….”  

Here is the message I received Karri Renfro Jones …

Random…

Hi Steve! Today’s blog was especially relevant to where I am in my journey. I know this will seem to come out of left field, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love reading your weekly blog!

I met you at ChartMark at such a crossroads in my life and I was so inspired by what you do. You played a role in helping me find the courage to break out of my securities/financial shell and take a road that was so foreign to me yet so much a part of who I needed to be.

Thank you for doing what you do and continuing to inspire me on a weekly basis!!  (Emphasis added)

Random is good; good to give and really good to receive. 

Gratitude is good; good to receive and really good to give.

Thank you, Karri!

Who will receive your “Random” message?

If you are reading this the day it posted, Tuesday, May 31, you know yesterday was Memorial Day here in the USA. To champion the real Story, here is a reminder regarding Memorial Day…

Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May. Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates men and women who died while in military service to the United States. First enacted to honor Union and Confederate soldiers following the American Civil War, it was extended after World War I to honor Americans who have died in all wars.

Indeed, Memorial Day is tied to the American Civil War … four years of bloody, devastating warfare endured before the surrender of the Confederacy. Slavery was outlawed everywhere in the nation.

Memorial Day is to remind us of the difficult and costly story of conflict and freedom. 

It also became…

Like so many things, without diligence, the history of the story can be lost or re-directed.

Begun as a ritual of remembrance and reconciliation after the civil war, by the early 20th century, Memorial Day was an occasion for more general expressions of memory, as ordinary people visited the graves of their deceased relatives, whether they had served in the military or not. It also became a long weekend increasingly devoted to shopping, family gatherings, fireworks, trips to the beach, and national media events…it became what it is to most today, the start of summer vacation season.

How was your Memorial Day weekend? 

[If you have 5 minutes, here is a video posted by Antonie, “Psalm 23 Memorial Day Tribute”.]

Both Karri’s story and the origin of Memorial Day in the United States of America invite us to pay attention.  Here’s what I hear -

The Life in Random Gratitude

Expressing gratitude is both a sign of character and powerful ; even when random. When I asked Karri for permission to share her story she responded,

I don’t mind you using my name! This really made me realize it is important to take time to let people know how they influence our lives and/or decisions. It is so easy to not do anything – it felt good to take action!

Who will you honor? Who has had an influence on your life? When will you pick up the phone, write the note, send the email or flowers or schedule the coffee…? Random may just be perfect timing.

The Connection of Responsibility and Freedom

In my storyabout finishing my new book, I used the phrase “I’m stuck” as I wrote to my copy editor.  However, accepting responsibility and taking action set me free. Listen again to Karri’s words –

You played a role in helping me find the courage to break out of my securities/finance shell and take a road that was so foreign to me yet so much a part of who I needed to be.

Love it … find the courage to break out and take a road. 

Courage has to do with our ability to face something without be held back by fear or deterred from action.

Freedom came as Karri accepted personal responsibility and started moving. 

Freedom is liberation from slavery.

Freedom is deliverance from restraint.

Freedom is boldness to act, in spite of fear.

Freedom requires courage and courage engages us in conflict with the enemy, the resistance.

Karri’s story serves as another reminder: when you are stuck if you accept personal responsibility and take appropriate action freedom will follow.

Indeed, Karri opened Tippie Toes of Broken Arrow to better live out her purpose and passion.

Where do you need to accept responsibility?

What if … ?

Please share your comments below.

Personal note: I was born in 1954 and issued a draft number for the Vietnam War. However, draft numbers issued in 1972 were never used to call for induction into service, because the last call was December 7 and authority to induct expired June 30, 1973.  So, while I was issued a draft number, I did not serve in Vietnam. May God bless our men and women in service today and may we remember the cost of freedom.

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.    -Jim Rohn

The role of Story in individual growth and leadership development is fascinating, powerful, and foundational to personal success. The invitation of Story is to listen, learn, and lead; the reward is accelerated growth.

Not only are we given the authority and power to edit our Story, it is in fact, our responsibility.

Last week, my journey highlighted the connection between personal responsibility and success. For some time, I’ve been working on my soon-to-be-published book – THE PEOPLE PROJECT: Your Guide to Personal Development and Growing Your Influence.

My copy editor, LeAnn, has the manuscript 99% complete; Jim Stovall wrote a great Foreword and cover designs are ready to choose from.

What happened Wednesday? The resistance; you know, opposition.

Finally, in a note to LeAnn I owned it, “I’m stuck.”  I listed the things paralyzing my progress. Desperation exceeded my fear of making a wrong decision and something wonderful happened; I took responsibility AND action.

Giving thought to “What’s next?” combined with the act of writing it down freed me to take action; the strangle hold of fear was broken. 

Giving thought to “What if?” allowed me to see the silliness of my procrastination which is driven by a lingering perfectionism (yes, I’m a recovering perfectionist). The reality (truth) exposed my deceptive thinking and set me free.  Within 30 minutes I pulled together what LeAnn needed to finish her part of the back cover and sent it off to California.  Up and at ‘em, Atom Ant!

Now, my book is 95% complete.

Have you experienced how the suffocating effect of the resistance?  Listening to the story helped me hear the truth (facts/reality).  To illustrate…two simple bit so truth from my story were:

• Reality Check #1: Cover Design…most likely any of the designs will work. 
• Reality Check #2: How I secure my book’s ISDN number really doesn’t matter that much; just do it!

Listening to Story for truth allowed me to “learn”; freedom came and I stepped up to lead the project; to edit the story. The action moved me toward successful completion of my goal: publish my book.  

Simple, Just Not Easy, Accepting Responsibility

There’s no “secret” here, but maybe this will help you or someone you know experience personal success by accepting responsibility. Think of a traffic light: yellow, red, green.

1.  SLOW DOWN (yellow light) pay attention to the indicators, all rooted in self-deception.

Blaming – Yes, attributing responsibility to someone else

Complaining – Unproductive expressions of unhappiness with a situation

Excuse-making – Creating an invalid reason to avoid something

Victim-mentality – Hiding as helpless in this situation

 Once we notice these warning signals, what then?    

2.  STOP (red light) as you catch yourself thinking or saying words that are blaming, complaining, excuse-making, or victim-am-I oriented, stop.

               Stop and breathe. Yes, the amazing grace gift of a cleansing breath

                Think, ask questions such as

                                What really happened?

                                Who am I blaming for this situation? Why?

                                Why am I complaining…really?

                                How am I making an excuse for my role in this…?

                                What effect is “feeling helpless” having on me right now?

                Open up to other viewpoints; How can I edit the Story?

                Probe for the truth in the Story: What did I expect? 

To stay at the intersection of life’s journey now it’s time to GO. 

3.  GO (green light) own your story.               

                Edit your response and change the outcome

                Accept responsibility and use your authority to act

                Focus on the desired outcome and focus on others in the story

                Create your preferred future 

When we accept responsibility, creation can happen. When we edit our Story we create stronger relationships and responses which will lead to future success.

Everyone has a story.

Every day we add to our story.

Today, you will influence someone’s story.

Our narratives intersect, the story develops; accepting responsibility, we write the Story.

Where do you need to accept responsibility?

What if?

Please share your comments below.

Procrastination is, hands down, our favorite form of self-sabotage.

                                                                                                  -Alyce Cornyn-Selby

As we settle in at the table for his coaching session, Rick* has this sheepish grin when he reports, “I didn’t complete my personal work for this week.”  Immediately the irony dawned on me … the exercise is “Procrastination: How to Move into Action”.

He details his reasons for not completing the reflective coaching exercise and mentions how “ironic” it is.  We share a laugh, for  now.

What do you say?

Once we discover what we like and don’t like there is this oft repeated phrase: “I don’t want to”.  Am I right? It matters very little whether the speaker is age 2 or 82 only the Story changes. 

From the beginning, it seems we have this bent to delay doing something until later IF we don’t want to do it.  Remember?  How long did it take you to pick up your toys…clean your room…do your homework…write your term paper…complete your dissertation…make the doctor’s appointment…renew your driver’s license…clean out the garage…go to the dentist…file your taxes…or have that difficult chat with your direct report or the boss?  Later!

Want to be more successful? 

What do you think it will take for you to become more successful in your work? Greater innovation…more sales…social media savvy or more friends and followers…longer work hours? What if it’s as simple as to stop procrastinating? 

Mark Goulston wrote Get Out of Your Own Way at Work…and Help Others Do the Same. In his book he addresses how to conquer 40 self-defeating behaviors on the job.  Which behavior do you suppose he addresses in Chapter 1? 

     At work, procrastination is an epidemic, and one of the most common self-sabotaging behaviors. It’s one thing to procrastinate about something that affects you alone, such as going on a diet. It’s another thing entirely to hinder the productivity of other people. When that happens, you’re courting trouble and inviting resentment from others. (Page 14) 

It’s More than Being Time Poor

Although I do believe the breakneck speed of life contributes to procrastination there is another answer…decision making and fear.  Dr. Goulston points this out as he writes,

At its core, procrastination is not merely putting off doing something; it is putting off making a decision. It results from feeling overwhelmed…When you feel overwhelmed, you become paralyzed.  (Page 15)

This habit of putting off important tasks until another time and replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority is a psychological matter; according to Wikipedia:

Psychologists often cite such behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. Schraw, Pinard, Wadkins, and Olafson have proposed three criteria for a behavior to be classified as procrastination: it must be counterproductive, needless, and delaying.

Here’s your litmus test for procrastination, simply ask: Is what I’m doing 1) counterproductive, 2) needless, or 3) delaying?  If yes, you are a practicing procrastinator … when you get a moment, please stop.

Four Steps to get Moving, Now 

Here is part of my coaching exercise, if you are a practicing procrastinator, walk through these four steps:

1. Identify.  What task are you putting off? What is the decision to be made
2. Reflect.  What is the cost if you continue to put off taking action? Make your list…
3. Acknowledge.  What is driving the delay?
   • Subjective Avoidance – that “uneasy feeling” that pushes you away
   • Indecision – analysis paralysis, looking for the “right way” or delayed by “What if?
   • Stress – often deceptive the belief is: “I work best under pressure!” Really?
   • Other drivers…?
4.  Action.  A little help to get moving?
   • How great is the desire to get it done? How could you increase your desire to act?
   • How could you tie this task to your purpose, passion, or mission?
   • What consequence(s) are associated if you fail to act?
   • What reward will you give yourself when you complete this task?
   • With this situation in mind, answer this:  “What’s one thing you can do that is so doable it’s laughable?  

 “Procrastination is the thief of time.”   – Edward Young

My question for Rick referred to a high stakes situation under his watch. “How do you think procrastination factored in xyz?”  

He connected the dots and saw how his procrastination opened the door for an “unfortunate” situation to develop.  Suddenly, the self-sabotaging side of procrastination became very real as he reflected on truth in The Story. No longer was it about a coaching exercise “left for another day”; in fact, it is about his influence as a leader.

How does procrastination affect your life and leadership?

*Rick is not his real name.