Heather is a valuable employee of an international beauty products company; the written mission:

Empowered by its unique Mission, [said company] believes that authentic beauty is one that works in harmony with the greater web of life.  It does not qualify as beauty if it hurts any of the diverse life forms that the best beauty artist of all, Nature, created.  Authentic Beauty cares for the environment which we inherited from elders and will leave to generations that follow us.  Beauty cares for the society in which we live, enhancing harmony in the way we live and interact with one another as human beings.  In order to be Beauty, it also needs to be Good. Beauty is the result, but also the process followed in pursuing that result.

There is a lot to process in that statement.  Focus on the bold text above as we return to Heather’s story.

A High Performer

Over the past six years Heather has developed herself from entry level employee to an individual with a strong work ethic.  Perhaps that explains one of the reasons she is now an assistant manager.

As our java chat (coaching conversation over coffee) continues she begins to confide in me when I ask, “What is your challenge today?”

The bottom line answer: her growing disengagement at work.  You might say “Beauty” is not demonstrating “…harmony in the way we live and interact with one another as human beings” in her experience with her manager.

In addition to Heather’s positive career path with the company, she is consistently hitting performance goals.  In fact, she is identified as an emerging leader by regional corporate leaders.  That’s awesome.  So why are we having this java chat?  Why is she thinking about leaving?

Does she like what she is doing? Yes.

Is she a “good employee”, making a difference, does she have highly valued character qualities? Yes.

Has her employer invested time and money in her personal growth and professional development? Yes.

Is she growing as a person…an assistant manager? Yes.

Does the company see an enlarged role in her future? Yes.

Then, why is she considering an exit strategy?

What’s the real question?

If you ask, “How much of a raise does she want?” you asked the wrong question.

Forward thinking leaders would ask:

• What can we do to hold on to this valuable person?
• How will we protect our investment in her training, experience, product knowledge, the personal development of this person, and all her customer relationships?
• What will it take to avoid the high cost of turnover (most agree it is 3 to 5 times an employee’s salary; so Heather’s departure has probable hidden costs of $100,000)?

Note: She did not mention salary or the substantial demands of her schedule.

As my frozen mocha coffee was all but gone and she answered my questions the solution for keeping this emerging leader became quite clear: appreciation.  That’s right; the missing skill of her manager is the ability to communicate basic appreciation.

Could it be that simple?

What single behavior change would keep her? Her manager showing appreciation for a job well done, for going the extra mile, for making their store the top performer in the company and she said she would remain on board. Why? She will feel valued and be freed to give her best.

Now, how do you suppose her manager would respond if I were to ask, “Do you appreciate Heather?” You’re right, she would say something along the line: “We love Heather, she is great!”

Here’s the bottom line: appreciation, by definition only exists when expressed. Appreciation is admiration, approval, or gratitude expressed.

Recent U.S. Department of Labor data shows that the number one reason people leave their job is that they do not feel appreciated.  (And oh by the way customer loyalty is also based on feeling appreciated.)

Unfortunately the reality is that admiration, approval, and gratitude are left unexpressed far too often; that’s insane.  The return on the investment in relationship building and performance is amazing.

What is the message when admiration, approval, or gratitude is not communicated?  Most people will assume you disapprove of their performance or them.

Appreciation must be shown to have an impact. Let others know you appreciate them; demonstrate your approval, gratitude, or admiration for their contributions.

How do you keep appreciation simple?

1. Be intentional, notice others and their contributions.
2. Seize the moment, when you notice say something right then.
3. Know your people; know what matters to them (public vs. private praise, etc.).
4. Leverage existing opportunities, a birthday lunch or coffee, celebrate their date of hire, etc.
5. Brag on them to someone special, send a note, an email, or make a brief phone call.

What will it cost the company if Heather leaves?  At minimum, the hidden costs associated with turnover.

However, when you show appreciation for a person and their contribution they will more likely remain engaged and perform at a higher level.

What’s that performance boost worth to you? How well are you showing appreciation?

Like this article? Who could you forward it to? Your Tweet will be appreciated; and I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Pick up your copy of my new book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

It’s funny how people become friends. Some just fall in line, some just by repeated meetings…some by a grand collision of paths. ― Shawn Lein

Photo by tuppus on flickr

Have you seen Brad Paisley and Robbie Williams’ video – Collision of Worlds?

Written for the movie Cars 2, the song is about Mater the tow truck. It seems Mater has trouble adjusting to local customs, as he travels the world…before saving the day. (No, I have not seen the movie).

Collision of Worlds explores the differences between American and British English cultures and language in a fun sort of way.

Last week, while in Montana, my early flight was canceled by a winter storm. But what a gift…as the snow fell, over breakfast the CEO rehearsed the Story of how our paths connected last year.

It is still amazing how our lives “collided” and the Story since. My work began with the CEO before expanding to the other partners. A few months later, an Employee Leadership Development program was launched.

The changes over the past 5 months are as remarkable as the transformation of the landscape by the snow.

A Positive Collision

Most often we think of the damage caused by a collision associating it with motor vehicles smashing into trees or crashing into each other. We buy collision insurance.

In the tragic story of the Costa Concordia cruise ship, it crashed into the rocks. According to the Associated Press CEO Pierluigi Foschi stated they the company

…could not offer proper assistance because the captain’s description “did not correspond to the truth.”

This story provides another illustration of how lives collide … decisions made by individuals have impact; creating the story.

Collision and the Story

The business of life is people and this is where collision takes on a deeper meaning.

A collision is an encounter between people resulting in an exchange or transformation of energy or life.

Collision is about the story and there are at least 5 characteristics:

1. Everyone has a story – look around your office or as you move about your day; how well do you see the people?
2. Every day we add to our story – some days are pretty ordinary, some are significant; what happened today in your story?
3. Today, you will have influence on someone’s story; was it for better or worse?
4. There is always more to the story – rarely do we have the full story; how open are you to what you don’t know?
5. You can write a new story – really good news; how well are you at accepting personal responsibility?

The “collision of lives” in Western Montana continues like ripples in the water. What started when one CEO and I joined our stories, moved to include the other two partners and then, the employees. On my last visit, I presented to a group of over 40 people from the city … a “collision of lives”.

What is the affect of your life on others?

When people encounter you what type of energy exchange do they experience?

Please forward to a friend or Tweet if you like this article; and I would love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Have you ordered your copy?

Photo by tuppus

Photo by blue2likeyou on flickr

There is a reason why we don’t achieve resolutions with the New Year.

There is a reason why new initiatives fail in business.

There is a reason why we are stuck with behaviors that limit our personal lives.

Are you hallucinating? When something is imagined, but it’s not really present or actually occurring, we say the person is hallucinating. While few deal with the psychiatric disorder or the drug induced variety … many have a false sense of reality – an illusion - and remain stuck with poor performance.

Recently I was challenged by something Peter Bregman wrote on the Harvard Business Review Blog Network. Here are four questions to help you get “it” done. Answer these questions and you know the secret to supporting the change you desire in your life.

First, what is your desired outcome?

Where are you stuck – physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually? Or what new discipline do you want to initiate? Or what project do you want to complete? Specifically identify what you want to accomplish.

Second, how clearly focused are you?

Why do you want to do make this change? What benefit(s) will you reap when you are consistently engaged in the new discipline … or once you complete that project?

How will you do it? What skills or resources do you need? Do you know “how to” to move forward?

Third, where is the resistance?

What do you hear in your head that sabotages your effort? We could call them “excuses”; what does that internal voice, “the resistance” say to hinder your action?

The secret to “unstuck”

For the sake of illustration - let’s say you are ready to begin exercising.

1. WHY do you want to exercise? What are the benefits you desire?
2. HOW will you exercise?  Do know how to exercise in order to achieve your desired outcome; if not who can help you?

Here’s the point:

When it comes to execution, it is rarely a matter of motivation (why) or skill (how to). Usually it comes down to no plan (the when and where) and no accountability (who) further cluttered by the resistance in our head.

What is “the resistance” inside your head whisper when it comes time to follow through?

It is really about follow through and the need to shut-up the irrational voice in our head; not a lack of motivation.

What is your plan?

As you shut the voices and old thinking it is time to create your plan by asking:

1. When will I exercise?
2. Where will exercise?
3. Who will I be accountable to?

Staying with the illustration my plan which requires follow through:

On M/W/F/S – I will walk with Rita, at 6:00 p.m. for 20 minutes in our neighborhood.

It is Thomas A. Edison who noted,

Vision without execution is hallucination.

When feeling stuck, check your why and how, but just as important, create your plan and follow through. Otherwise, you may be hallucinating.

What do you think? I would enjoy reading your comments below.

By the way, who could you forward this to?

Finding this article helpful, would you make a moment to Tweet to your followers?

Newly released, available to you and your team; a great read for team discussions:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

And how about where you are in your leadership journey?

In this short video (featured on Big Think), Robert Kaplan a professor at Harvard Business School talks about the need for support at the executive level.

Before you dismiss how this may apply to you, watch this 3 minute video.

What do you hear?

Sure the platform is bigger for C-Suite leaders; but the need for supportive relationships is relevant for all.

How isolated are you?

In 2012, how will you actively seek feedback? Connections?

What do you think of the line: “If you want coaching, go get it”?

When will you create space for reflection on your story?

Whether we spent hours together 1on1, connected in one of my coaching groups or virtually through my weekly blog; whether you picked up a copy of my book or you are a colleague – you are touching my life and journey.

With January 2012 we will celebrate the beginning of our fifth year here at Next Level Executive Coaching,LLC.

Truly, my story would not be the same without you in it; thank you.

Now, I invite you to receive this gift – is my wish for us, for you and for me; it is part of the answer to a full life. It is a quality that impacts how you will show up as a leader…today.

I am filled with gratitude for you.

Here’s to your Next Level,

Steve

Time is how we have learned to measure the passing of life.

Whether calculated in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years time is fleeting. That is NOT bad news — unless this limited resource is wasted.

Whether considered in years, months, weeks, days, hours, or minutes they are all opportunities to experience fresh starts. That IS good news, unless the opportunity is missed.

One of my clients recently revealed some of what he wants to accomplish in life. The challenge he faces is the reality of how much time is left to get his list done. Not the feeling that there’s not enough time in the day, rather a growing awareness of his mortality.

To make the most of life is the challenge we all face. One ancient Hebrew verse expresses the very human plea for help from God: Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

What’s your perspective?

My work involves more and more travel; one thing I still love about flying is the view. Flying from Denver to Montana, United Flight 5535 follows along the eastern edge of the Rocky Mountains.

Over the past few months I’ve been in awe seeing the changes from fall to winter. Each trip I am amazed at the beauty, grandeur, and wide open space.

Beyond that, the view from 30,000 feet reframes our activity on earth as busy, ant-like movement of people on pencil-wide trails; symmetrically arranged tiny neighborhoods and cityscapes that look like architectural models … a reality check of sorts.

Wisdom is the ability to see life from a higher perspective. This may look like the ability to make sensible decisions based on personal knowledge and experience. Or decision-making based on your thinking, judgment, and knowledge of life.

One way to gain wisdom is to cultivate a mindfulness of life’s brevity.

What happens when you recognize that your life is a limited resource during which you may take action, live connected, or make contribution?

Perhaps you’ve heard this quote from Steve Job’s Stanford Commencement address:

Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. (Emphasis added)

What changes would you make – moving into 2012 – if you concentrate on what is truly important?

What’s your Story?

Another way to gain wisdom is to look for truth in the Story and be intentional regarding how you are writing your Story.

None of us can re-write history; but we are gifted with the incredible opportunity to make decisions and take action today that will allow us to write a new story.

Wisdom allows us to see things from another perspective; not only the facts but the people in our Story. How much unnecessary conflict and stress can you eliminate when we choose to see beyond the conflict to see the people?

Indeed, fear drives us to exhibit ancient behavior – survival mode; this means we tend to run for our lives or kill the opponent when in conflict. However, there is a third option: stay and engage as people…people with a story which includes fears, hopes, and dreams … ideas and solutions when we are encouraged, accepted, and loved.

Wisdom allows us a fresh perspective and the ability to see the possibilities.

Exercise: Think of a relationship conflict

Imagine sitting with me on that United Flight departing Denver; see the Rockies, gain that perspective. Notice the “size” of even the Rockies, not to mention the cars, buildings, and cities; gain the perspective.

Now, back to the “problem” – the conflict with <name of person> … think about your answer to these questions:

• What do you want for this relationship; control or influence?
• What is your desired outcome?
• What do you wish for the other person?
• What are you accepting as true in the situation? Is it true? How do you know it is?
• What assumptions are you making?

When we ask ourselves such questions – especially in emotionally charged situations – we are creating space for some wisdom.

Wisdom not only helps us recognize the brevity of life but what matters in life: people.

How do you grow as a leader and enlarge your influence? Develop a heart of wisdom.

Happy New Year!

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Photo by Pargon on flickr

It was a week of early appointments and travel.

Sunday we drove to Oklahoma City for our grandchildren’s Christmas Program and to celebrate Levi’s sixth birthday.

Tuesday I caught an early flight to Denver in route to Montana to work on-site with one of my clients.  What a privilege; the response and progress is significant. Wednesday was a 6:30 a.m. breakfast with Doug. Incredibly rewarding; I love it.

Back home, in time for a Thursday breakfast to wrap up Brent’s 1on1 Executive Coaching engagement and celebrate his growth.

What’s one more breakfast appointment? It’s Friday, why not?

Not until Saturday morning, was I able to “create space” for reflection. Not only do I desire it, I require it if I’m to operate at my highest potential.

Do you have room?

When there is no room, we miss something in the Story – an opportunity.

This idea of “no room” reminds me of the Christmas Story.

The Bible records a time, around 6 – 4 BC, when Caesar Augustus ordered a census. That meant everyone was required to return to their hometown and register. If you were in the hospitality sector, it was good for business, right?

A man named Joseph made the trip from Nazareth to Bethlehem, his ancestral hometown. Accompanied by Mary – Joseph’s very pregnant fiancée – the time came for her to have her baby. One small problem, they did not have a reservation and there were no rooms.

Can you imagine?

Upon hearing their plight, the owner of the inn was innovative; he created space – offering them the stable.

That’s the story.

What’s the cost when we have no room?

Have you noticed, or is just me? Are life’s demands more demanding? Is there less room, maybe even “no room” for what matters most?

This Christmas weekend, I do not expect a young couple to show up at our house looking for a place to have a baby. However, our house will be filled with people.

People.

Yes, the business of life is people.

In fact, if you know me, you know I believe the business of business is people.

People and the Story

As people, our stories merge. The Story is written at work, in our communities, homes and families; sometimes amazingly beautiful, sometimes extremely difficult.

What does it cost when we have no room? When there is a shortage of space for listening to the Story, for connecting with the people?

The short answer: opportunity.

Opportunity as a chance to make a difference or seize the moment; to encourage another human being, to express appreciation, to cultivate a spirit of gratitude, to apologize, to forgive, to love and be loved, to enjoy a fresh start; to “see the people”?

Can you remember the disappointment you felt when you realized you missed opportunity? That’s the cost of “no room” in our lives for reflection, contemplation, meditation, listening to the Story.

If there is “no room” when will you reflect on how you want to show up differently in your relationships…when will you consider what success really is…when will you examine your values and the role they are playing in how you live, or not?

The owner of Bethlehem Inn could have missed a historic opportunity because he had “no room”; but he didn’t. While it was not a master suite, it was good enough. Mary delivered a son and they named him Jesus.

Life is filled with opportunity.

How well are you creating space for reflection on your Story, your influence, your purpose and contribution?

Yes, life is filled with opportunities; do you have room?

The ability to function at our highest level requires we create space so we can see the people…and that includes seeing ourselves.

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to read your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

* Photo by Pargon

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – these may well become the great scarcities of tomorrow.  – Edwin Way Teale

Eight business leaders are in the room as I coach and explore with them The Best Predictor of Future Success… yes,

The ability and willingness

to learn and change,

achieved through

consistent reflection

on truth found in the Story.

As I ask “What stands out to you?” a successful businessman discusses the phrase: “consistent reflection” and the challenge of the discipline.

Space is the breath of life

Consistent reflection requires space.

Consistent reflection is a discipline - a systematic method used to advance something - in this case, personal growth.

These days I find myself inviting people to breathe. It is amazing how few of us practice deep breathing. The intensity of life is confirmed by how we “take breaths”. I know – who has time for deep breathing?

In support of future success it is essential to create space for consistent reflection. I know - who has time to be still and think?

Just as there are significant benefits from diaphragmatic breathing such as relaxation and stress relief, there is tremendous benefit from consistent reflection – freedom to grow as a human being.

How to Create Space

Look at the word “space” to discover the first secret:

To create space you must take control of the pace of life.

Space is more than the region beyond the Earth’s atmosphere. From a growth perspective , space is having enough room to accommodate something. It can be a period of time or an area set apart for a specific use; time and place.

What if you could have less unnecessary stress, more peace, and greater freedom? Sound good? You can and here’s how: slow down.  Create space for consistent reflection.

This is where we listen for truth in the story delivered as feedback, experience, success, or failure.

“Truth” involves the facts of the story, not assumptions; truth is reality, not your opinion or just “your reality” … to be truth it must include the other person’s perspective, too.

To create space you must take control of the PACE of life.

Breathe.

Let’s try that again, slowly now … you’ve got time.

Created Space is the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to reflect on the truth in the story and to bring truth to your story.

No acceleration required.

Life requires no acceleration; our world is taking care of that.

In 1970 Alvin Toffler wrote his bestselling book Future Shock; back when the pace of life was different, if not slower. While he wrote of information overload it was first mentioned in 1964 by Bertram Gross in The Managing of Organizations.

According to Wikipedia, Toffler uses “information overload”

…to refer to the difficulty a person can have understanding an issue and making decisions that can be caused by the presence of too much information.

Sensory overload was thought to cause disorientation and lack of responsiveness. Toffler posited information overload as having the same sorts of effects, but on the higher cognitive functions… (Emphasis added)

How does this affect our performance and relationships?

What happens to our growth journey when the pace of life is combined with sensory/information overload? We exhibit self-limiting behavior that produces poor performance and limits our influence. We are unable to make “the reasonably correct assessments on which rational behavior is dependent.” (Wikipedia)

The alternative to “rational” behavior is “irrational”. How we show up lacks reason or logical thought. What I’m doing to my relationship or career or health doesn’t make sense. We must create space to consistently reflect on behavior patterns; unproductive behavior means we are “stuck”.

Life does not require acceleration.

The second secret of Created Space; it…

Accelerates behavior change which leads to high performance

When space and time are invested in consistent reflection, listening for truth in your Story, the reward is freedom. Only truth liberates us from being stuck with self-limiting behavior.

Creating space allows us to see what living frantic lives hides.

When would be convenient?

When it comes getting things done we set appointments, am I right? Whether a business lunch, dentist appointment, a client meeting, the big game, vacation, even the oil change; why not time to reflect?

When it matters, put it on the calendar.

Time and space – time to be alone, space to move about – how scarce are they in your world? How will take control of the pace of life to create space?

What behavior change will address to improve your performance?

How well are you creating space so you can write your story?

Please forward or Tweet if you like this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

The opportunity found me and caught me a bit by surprise.

Imagine meal time with nine children. See the brothers, brothers and sisters, and lots of cousins.

That scene was repeated several times during Thanksgiving weekend. Rita and I are blessed with; Maggie our 10 year old, first-born granddaughter; seven grandsons: Nolan – 8, Kalen – 6, Levi – 5, Judah – 5, Max – 4, Salem – 2, and Simon – 2. And, don’t forget Olivia, she is 3 months old … 9 “little people” that amaze me.

Can you imagine the excitement of “living” together for several days at Grandma’s house? How about the energy of boyhood and how eager you might be to finish eating so you can go play?

Imagine being an empty nester.

You get the picture.

Meals are especially different when there are seventeen people to feed instead of two.  It’s much like life – there is a lot of diversity in how we do things.  Not right or wrong, different. Like your place of work or wherever you find people, right?

The Wonder of Relationships

In last week’s article I wrote about the wonder of relationships, the reality of conflict, and the grease of gratitude. If you missed it, it’s a quick read.

How much do I love my grandchildren? More and more.

How much energy do they bring to the table? More and more.

So, when all our Stories converge in time and one place an opportunity for conflict is created. Conflict, is simply a disagreement between people and our individual ideas of what is acceptable or expectations.

Remember the Story: behavior at the table.

What conflict?

If it is possible for a Grandpa and his grandchildren to experience “conflict” how much more with people in roles such as: business partners, department heads, sales/production teams, employer/employees, parents/teen, husband/wife, perhaps mankind and our Creator?

No doubt about it, moments in the Story provide many opportunities to experience this unconscious opposition between immediate but incompatible desires, needs, drives, or impulses … producing a mental struggle.

In some circles it would be called “war”. Have you seen conflict escalate to “war” between people? How about Black Friday shoppers?

Conflict begs for action.

There are two sides, two opinions, two desires, two needs, arriving at the same place at the same time in opposition to one another resulting in tension, disagreement, disengagement between people.

The big question: How do you want to respond?

There are only two responses to relationship conflict:

1.   It seems to be the default setting with most of us: try to exert control. Control involves misguided efforts to limit or restrict somebody or to exercise authority over someone.

In the realm of relationships, control is highly ineffective and costly. How do I know? Think about it: when was the last time you wanted someone to put controls on your freedom?

2.  This second option is what leaders do, but it takes intentionality: to have influence.  At the most basic level leadership is the ability to guide, direct, or influence people. Yes, leadership is influence … with people.

In the realm of relationships – solutions, problem solving, innovation, engagement, productivity, high performance, and enjoyment of life come when we release control in favor of influence.

Conflict presents this question: What do I want in this relationship? Do I want to try and control the other person or to have influence with them?

The solution to conflict requires at least one person’s commitment to achieving influence; that may be all it takes … just your release of control in pursuit of leading.

So at one of those meals, it dawned on me: I could not control my grandchildren. My efforts would be misguided and only add to the “pressure” of the moment if I tried to limit or restrict them or to play the “this is my house” authority card.

What I did have grace enough to see was the opportunity to lead. So I knelt down between Levi and Maggie to get eye level as they were sitting at the table. And I began to ask some questions about “table manners” … I asked for their help … “Who wants to be a leader?” and what that might look like.

You know what, they knew the answers.

What do you hear? What’s your experience?

Who could you forward this to? Or Tweet? Or comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Quote Source: ThinkExist

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr

The word history of “thanks” takes us to the Latin tongere – to know.

The Wonder of Relationships

Think of someone you have a solid relationship with. Can you remember when you first met?

Notice the journey, how little by little you move from being strangers – unfamiliar and unknown – to a deeper connectedness. How does this happen?

Over time; as we come to know their story and who they are the relationship develops.

And what do we know about Story?

• Everyone has a Story
• Every day we add to the Story
• Today, you will have influence on someone’s Story
• There always more to the story

Why so much conflict?

The effectiveness of my coaching requires a foundation of trust leading to authentic openness, this sacred getting to know another person and being known. It takes some time.

When I coach leaders in conflict, I hear two stories. That’s how it is, right?

Conflict threatens our relationships. The natural response to conflict is to fight or run from the person, the situation. Notice how the longer the conflict goes unresolved the less we see the other person or the truth in the Story.

To protect the relationship and stay connected we must seek to understand, to know and see the person. Being thankful supports our relationships in this way; when we  know someone and recognize what they bring.

The Grease of Gratitude

At the same time, it is our connection with people creates friction.

Unfulfilled expectations create frustration. What happens with the unmanaged frustration?  We revert to ancient behavior which  hinders our performance; shrinking our influence.

Whether with a business partner, work associate, family member or friend, relationships provide conflict.

Consider how the following impact your relationships:

• The pace of life
• The demands of work
• Ineffective or limited communication
• Chronic low energy (nearly epidemic)

Gratitude is one of the keys to quality relationships; interestingly, the essence of both great relationships and effective gratitude is our ability to know and see the people. 

Conflict tends to distort the truth of who they are and what they contribute AND how I contribute to the situation.

How do we reduce the friction of human connections? By cultivating gratitude for the other person.

A mechanic greases machine gears so they 1) run smoothly or 2) to stop something else from sticking to them.

The grease of gratitude helps our human connections 1) run smoothly and 2) protect them from the damage of such fear-based emotions as anxiety, anger, control, ill-will, resentment, frustration, irritation, and the like.

The Value of Conflict

Conflict naturally pushes us to fight or retreat; however there is a third option: stay and engage. Gratitude creates enough space and grace to do the work of seeking to understand the other person.

To be grateful includes appreciation of others and an expression of the same.

Which of your relationships could use the grease of gratitude?

Please leave a comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team,            a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing           Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Christina G. Rossetti (English Poet); 1834-1894 – Source: ThinkExist

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr