At moments of departure and a change of life, people capable of reflecting on their actions usually get into a serious state of mind. At these moments they usually take stock of the past and make plans for the future.                 ― Leo Tolstoy

Time is how we have learned to measure the passing of life.

Whether calculated in minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, or years time is fleeting. That is NOT bad news — unless this limited resource is wasted.

Whether considered in years, months, weeks, days, hours, or minutes they are all opportunities to experience fresh starts. That IS good news, unless the opportunity is missed.

One of my clients recently revealed some of what he wants to accomplish in life. The challenge he faces is the reality of how much time is left to get his list done. Not the feeling that there’s not enough time in the day, rather a growing awareness of his mortality.

To make the most of life is the challenge we all face. One ancient Hebrew verse expresses the very human plea for help from God: Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.

What’s your perspective?

My work involves more and more travel; one thing I still love about flying is the view. Flying from Denver to Montana, United Flight 5535 follows along the eastern edge of the Rocky Mountains.

Over the past few months I’ve been in awe seeing the changes from fall to winter. Each trip I am amazed at the beauty, grandeur, and wide open space.

Beyond that, the view from 30,000 feet reframes our activity on earth as busy, ant-like movement of people on pencil-wide trails; symmetrically arranged tiny neighborhoods and cityscapes that look like architectural models … a reality check of sorts.

Wisdom is the ability to see life from a higher perspective. This may look like the ability to make sensible decisions based on personal knowledge and experience. Or decision-making based on your thinking, judgment, and knowledge of life.

One way to gain wisdom is to cultivate a mindfulness of life’s brevity.

What happens when you recognize that your life is a limited resource during which you may take action, live connected, or make contribution?

Perhaps you’ve heard this quote from Steve Job’s Stanford Commencement address:

Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. (Emphasis added)

What changes would you make – moving into 2012 – if you concentrate on what is truly important?

What’s your Story?

Another way to gain wisdom is to look for truth in the Story and be intentional regarding how you are writing your Story.

None of us can re-write history; but we are gifted with the incredible opportunity to make decisions and take action today that will allow us to write a new story.

Wisdom allows us to see things from another perspective; not only the facts but the people in our Story. How much unnecessary conflict and stress can you eliminate when we choose to see beyond the conflict to see the people?

Indeed, fear drives us to exhibit ancient behavior – survival mode; this means we tend to run for our lives or kill the opponent when in conflict. However, there is a third option: stay and engage as people…people with a story which includes fears, hopes, and dreams … ideas and solutions when we are encouraged, accepted, and loved.

Wisdom allows us a fresh perspective and the ability to see the possibilities.

Exercise: Think of a relationship conflict

Imagine sitting with me on that United Flight departing Denver; see the Rockies, gain that perspective. Notice the “size” of even the Rockies, not to mention the cars, buildings, and cities; gain the perspective.

Now, back to the “problem” – the conflict with <name of person> … think about your answer to these questions:

• What do you want for this relationship; control or influence?
• What is your desired outcome?
• What do you wish for the other person?
• What are you accepting as true in the situation? Is it true? How do you know it is?
• What assumptions are you making?

When we ask ourselves such questions – especially in emotionally charged situations – we are creating space for some wisdom.

Wisdom not only helps us recognize the brevity of life but what matters in life: people.

How do you grow as a leader and enlarge your influence? Develop a heart of wisdom.

Happy New Year!

Please forward or Tweet if you liked this article … love to hear your comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

You cannot always control circumstances, but you can control your own thoughts.  – Charles Popplestown

The opportunity found me and caught me a bit by surprise.

Imagine meal time with nine children. See the brothers, brothers and sisters, and lots of cousins.

That scene was repeated several times during Thanksgiving weekend. Rita and I are blessed with; Maggie our 10 year old, first-born granddaughter; seven grandsons: Nolan – 8, Kalen – 6, Levi – 5, Judah – 5, Max – 4, Salem – 2, and Simon – 2. And, don’t forget Olivia, she is 3 months old … 9 “little people” that amaze me.

Can you imagine the excitement of “living” together for several days at Grandma’s house? How about the energy of boyhood and how eager you might be to finish eating so you can go play?

Imagine being an empty nester.

You get the picture.

Meals are especially different when there are seventeen people to feed instead of two.  It’s much like life – there is a lot of diversity in how we do things.  Not right or wrong, different. Like your place of work or wherever you find people, right?

The Wonder of Relationships

In last week’s article I wrote about the wonder of relationships, the reality of conflict, and the grease of gratitude. If you missed it, it’s a quick read.

How much do I love my grandchildren? More and more.

How much energy do they bring to the table? More and more.

So, when all our Stories converge in time and one place an opportunity for conflict is created. Conflict, is simply a disagreement between people and our individual ideas of what is acceptable or expectations.

Remember the Story: behavior at the table.

What conflict?

If it is possible for a Grandpa and his grandchildren to experience “conflict” how much more with people in roles such as: business partners, department heads, sales/production teams, employer/employees, parents/teen, husband/wife, perhaps mankind and our Creator?

No doubt about it, moments in the Story provide many opportunities to experience this unconscious opposition between immediate but incompatible desires, needs, drives, or impulses … producing a mental struggle.

In some circles it would be called “war”. Have you seen conflict escalate to “war” between people? How about Black Friday shoppers?

Conflict begs for action.

There are two sides, two opinions, two desires, two needs, arriving at the same place at the same time in opposition to one another resulting in tension, disagreement, disengagement between people.

The big question: How do you want to respond?

There are only two responses to relationship conflict:

1.   It seems to be the default setting with most of us: try to exert control. Control involves misguided efforts to limit or restrict somebody or to exercise authority over someone.

In the realm of relationships, control is highly ineffective and costly. How do I know? Think about it: when was the last time you wanted someone to put controls on your freedom?

2.  This second option is what leaders do, but it takes intentionality: to have influence.  At the most basic level leadership is the ability to guide, direct, or influence people. Yes, leadership is influence … with people.

In the realm of relationships – solutions, problem solving, innovation, engagement, productivity, high performance, and enjoyment of life come when we release control in favor of influence.

Conflict presents this question: What do I want in this relationship? Do I want to try and control the other person or to have influence with them?

The solution to conflict requires at least one person’s commitment to achieving influence; that may be all it takes … just your release of control in pursuit of leading.

So at one of those meals, it dawned on me: I could not control my grandchildren. My efforts would be misguided and only add to the “pressure” of the moment if I tried to limit or restrict them or to play the “this is my house” authority card.

What I did have grace enough to see was the opportunity to lead. So I knelt down between Levi and Maggie to get eye level as they were sitting at the table. And I began to ask some questions about “table manners” … I asked for their help … “Who wants to be a leader?” and what that might look like.

You know what, they knew the answers.

What do you hear? What’s your experience?

Who could you forward this to? Or Tweet? Or comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Quote Source: ThinkExist

The closest to being in control we will ever have is in that moment that we realize we are not.   – Brian Kessler*

Photo by John Jordan

The human desire to be in control is causing untold frustration in relationships today.

Recently, my coaching conversation with one of my clients focused on the classic concept of “circle of control” vs. “circle of concern” … think, cracked egg poured into a skillet for a visual.

The yellow yolk represents that part of life we “control”. The egg white symbolizes the people or situations of “concern”.

I am not using “control” in the broader meaning represented by synonyms manage or management. That raises another question: Does management really control?

What do you really control?

Think about your world. Where do you exercise power or authority? Where are you in position to limit or restrict someone or something?

Look at your relationships; where are you really in control? Where are you trying to be in control?

Self-control

There are a few people with a high level of self-control. There are some people working on greater self-control.  While the majority need to work on self-control.

In fact, human nature presents quite a challenge to this goal of self-control. Have you noticed the inclination of Self to be selfish and actually prefers NOT to be controlled. (Need evidence? Watch childish behavior … no matter the age.)

Although, self-control is a key assignment, how much time and energy are wasted trying to control others, even “situations”.

May I ask … How much time and energy do you waste focused on situations and people in your “circle of concern” but outside your “circle of control”?

Follow the Frustration

If you are not sure how to answer that last question, answer this: How frustrated are you these days?

Frustration is that feeling of disappointment, exasperation, or weariness caused by goals being thwarted or desires unsatisfied. (Encarta Dictionary)

Frustration is an emotiinal indicator of the desire to control. When do you experience frustration? With who? Why? How are your expectations involved?

Where to Focus

Here is the paradox: as we focus on our own growth and responsibilities our “circle of influence” is expanded.

The big question: What do you want – control or influence?

Leadership happens when we quit trying to control and pursue influence.

What’s the cost?

My client’s experience is instructive about the price of an out-of-control desire to be in control; she writes …

If my focus is on these concerns, outside my actual area of control, what happens?

1. I get anxious about those uncontrollable things

2. Overload from trying to control too much

3. I experience failure because I am not really in control

4. Failure saps my strength and will to continue working

The demand plus lack of control leads to FRUSTRATION because the situation does not allow me to succeed. (emphasis added)

There you have it. The “reward” of focusing on situations outside our primary circle of control is frustration.  The solution is to narrow your focus.

How do you control that unproductive need to control?

What situation are you trying to control? Who? Why do you think you are?

How will you let go?

What will happen if you don’t?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Brian Kessler, Source: thinkexist.com

Photo Credits Flickr by John Jordon

Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing, that we see too late, the one that is open.          – Alexander Graham Bell*

(Photo by Shootingsnow* on Flickr)

Last week I began the discussion around breakthrough success and resistance, asking: “Why the resistance?” Reminding you that …

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear-based suggestions

What opportunity is in front of you?

In my story, October has become the month of opportunity.

In October, 2007 I made the substantial decision and commitment to invest in executive coaching certification through TCU – Neeley School of Business in Fort Worth, Texas.

Yes, the catalyst for that decision was unexpected and it is true, the opportunity to make that decision was a surprise. But here’s the key: the event created the need to re-consider my Story, see a new opportunity, and then, overcome pockets of resistance along the way.

Yes, like countless others, I had to determine my response and take action or be stuck.  Thankfully, I received grace, tapped into my faith, and found freedom to sharpen pursuit of my purpose and passion: the development of people.

What is your story, your opportunity?

What got you here won’t get you there!

Four years later, I face the reality that what got me here won’t get me there.

No matter how good “here” is a better “there” is waiting for all of us.

While I celebrate the success of Next Level Executive Coaching, LLC I am acknowledging this principle: what got me here will not get me to my next level.

To help me get “there” I am investing in my development, including:

• A five-week, Speak to Sell Boot Camp with Lisa Sasevich
• Engaged John Eggen to mentor me in his Publishing and Marketing Program
• Working with Kim Castle and Vito Montone and their BrandU program for building my business
• Attending the two-day Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare Conference presented by McLean Hospital and Harvard Medical School’s Department of Continuing Education in Boston

Not only do I “coach” around this principle, I am committed to it. I know what got me here will not get me to my next level.

How do we defeat those pockets of resistance?

I shared my story around the resistance I experienced making the decision to pursue the author mentoring program. Rest assured the opportunities of October have been met with multiple pockets of opposition, internal and external, real and imagined.

Knowing the opposition, the resistance, the enemy is out there, we must be alert. Prompt, decisive action is required.

Here are the tactics I’m currently using to defeat the resistance:

1. Remember the Mission – keep focused on why it matters
2. Take Courage – remember previous breakthroughs for encouragement
3. Create Space – this is time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually; guard the harmony of your life
4. Disciplined Thinking – being mindful of the messaging in the head
5. Tapping Resources – our support system is vital, especially the people who believe
6. Manage Well – leverage those tools to manage time and energy

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against achievement. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt to encourage fear.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition and claim the opportunity.

It’s October, filled with opportunity. I’ll see you at the next level!

How do you handle the Resistance?

Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish born American Inventor and Educator. (1847-1922) Source: thinkexist.com

Photo by Shootingsnow

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

- Woodrow T. Wilson

Photo by US Mission Geneva

We were at Border’s Cafe for Rachel’s coaching appointment. We had identified part of what was holding her back as a leader – a lack of confidence; she was not using her voice effectively.

If leadership is about having influence it’s pretty hard to achieve if your voice is silent. While she was writing in her coaching journal, I excused myself.  Making my way to the check-out area there was a display rack of various gift cards.

I selected this gift card and gave it to Rachel. I suggested the gift card message could serve as a reminder back at the corporate offices. She agreed and placed on her desk where she would see it.

Beyond the sound made when we use our vocal organs, voice represents our ability to express our thoughts, to contribute to the conversation.

Recently I have been amazed at how often this matter of being heard has come up. The stories reveal the affect of not being heard by the boss or sometimes, a complete lack of response to ideas.

What’s the affect of a silent voice?

When there is a failure to listen, to hear someone’s voice there is a price to pay. The ramification when leaders fail to lift every voice is significant; for example:

• The loss of employee engagement
• Doubt regarding one’s value to the organization
• The lack of respect diminishes trust
• Innovation is limited
• Opportunity for improvement, lost

How often does limiting another’s voice become a strategy to suppress their ideas?

How often is limiting another’s voice driven by a need to control.

To silence the voice of others is a leadership limiting behavior.

Whose voice and whose responsibility is it?

There are two sides to this story; it’s not always the boss not listening. Bret Simmons, faculty member of the College of Business, University of Nevada – Reno recently wrote about how beliefs can lead to a self-limiting use of the voice.

Referencing The Academy of Management Journal study by James Detert and Amy Edmondson; he summarizes five beliefs that can misguide employee thoughts towards those in authority causing them to exhibit “self-protective silence”.

1. Negative career consequences of voice: e.g. if you want advancement opportunities in today’s world, you have to be careful about pointing out needs for improvement to those in charge

2. Don’t embarrass the boss in public: e.g. you should always pass your ideas for improvement by the boss in private first, before you speak up publicly at work.

3. Don’t bypass the boss upward: e.g. loyalty to your boss means you don’t speak up about problems in front of his or her boss.

4. Need solid data or solutions (to speak up): e.g. unless you have clear solutions, you shouldn’t speak up about problems.

5. Presumed target identification: e.g. it is not good to question the way things are done because those who have developed the routines are likely to take it personally.

From my executive coaching experience, a silent voice is a shared leadership challenge. Yes, some leaders driven by insecurity, the pace of life, a need to control, or due to poor communication skills silence the voices. However, some employees – misguided by false beliefs – remain in silence.

Bottom line: silence limits leadership effectiveness. Where are you in the story?

THE PEOPLE PROJECT NOW AVAILABLE

If you think this might be a handy guide for you or someone in your circle of influence I would really appreciate it if you would help me offer the coaching support this book provides.

Order your copy from Amazon today.

Mike* is an emerging leader and coaching client. One week, as he shared a story, I could see how his fear of confrontation and wrong thinking about asking questions limits his ability to effectively communicate… especially with his boss.

Tell Less…

Our conversation went something like this…

“Mike, how do you like being told what to do?  When you are given an assignment — you know what to do and how to proceed how does being told what to do affect you?”

“I don’t like it,” he replied.

“Why is that?”

“I like to be left alone to do my job; trust me and let me do it.”

I pressed on, “How does it make you feel when someone tells you what to do?”

After some hesitation he found his words, “I don’t like it and find myself resisting…I don’t feel trusted or respected.”

When was the last time you enjoyed being told what to do?

The “Quill Pig”

Let’s consider communication and the lovable porcupine.

Photo by Wildxplorer

National Geographic helps us understand this animal’s uniqueness…

The porcupine is the prickliest of rodents, though its Latin name means “quill pig.” There are about two dozen porcupine species, and all boast a coat of needle-like quills to give predators a sharp reminder that this animal is no easy meal. Some quills, like those of Africa’s crested porcupine, are nearly a foot (30 centimeters) long.

Porcupines have soft hair, but on their back, sides, and tail it is usually mixed with sharp quills. These quills typically lie flat until a porcupine is threatened, then leap to attention as a persuasive deterrent. Porcupines cannot shoot them at predators as once thought, but the quills do detach easily when touched.

Many animals come away from a porcupine encounter with quills protruding from their own snouts or bodies. Quills have sharp tips and overlapping scales or barbs that make them difficult to remove once they are stuck in another animal’s skin. Porcupines grow new quills to replace the ones they lose. (Emphasis added)

How many people want a pet porcupine that you know?  Who wants to connect with this rodent?

Notice these key words used to describe the “Quill Pig”. Here’s how I connect them to telling in communication:

• Prickly – An uncomfortable, irritating, defensive exchange
• Sharp reminder – What do tellers want others to think or  remember? 
• Threatened – Why the intensity, what drives the need to tell?
• Persuasive deterrent – What limit does a “telling” style of communication impose?
• Detach easily – Why is it so easy to tell?
• Difficult to remove – “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot harm me.”  Really?

Who wants to be known as a “Quill Pig”? 

At a relationship level telling often shuts dialog down; talented people do not appreciate being told.

Telling pushes people away. 

Imagine a ball carrier in football; his goal is the end zone.  As he runs toward defenders their goal is to tackle him. With an outstretched arm the ball carrier pushes his hand onto his would-be tackler to take him out of the action. The “stiff arm” is designed to push the other player out of the way. 

Just another illustration of how telling hinders communication.

So, what’s the solution?

Ask More…

Having established the imagery of “telling” we move to the alternative.

“Mike, when someone you respect asks for your input, your opinion, your thoughts on a topic, how do you feel?”

“Oh, it’s great. I feel honored, respected; appreciated, valued, trusted…it’s totally different.”

Yes, it is “totally different”. As we ask open-ended questions we invite participation.

• Asking encourages an exchange of ideas, discussion, dialogue
• Asking sends a message of value, respect, and honor
• Asking shows a level of trust and appreciation
• Asking flows from a place of freedom
• Asking indicates a released need to control

Whereas telling “pushes people away” — asking “invites them to stay”.

The mantra takes shape:  Ask MORE, Tell LESS…

Teach When You Can

Of course there is a time to impart knowledge to someone, to provide direction, to advocate a certain way or even the way something must be done. Go for it. Be a great teacher.

May I ask, what’s your inclination?

Here’s the mantra…what do you think?

Ask MORE, Tell LESS…Teach when You Can

Mike discovered asking questions does not have to be confrontational; in fact it actually shows honor, respect, and appreciation…even for the boss. And asking questions is a great way to bring value to the relationship.

*Mike is not his real name.

Photo: http://flickr.com/photos/21932201@N04/2307150982

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Photo by Arenamontanus

This executive coaching client is a rising star in his company. 

Working in a Fortune 100 company with 300,000 employees, Jonathan (not his real name) has consistently received high performance marks and has for 12 years.  He is acknowledged for adding value to the company and consistently promoted from entry level to a senior manager role. 

With each promotion he received the standard 5% pay increase.

Recently, his boss was hired away.  Jonathan is on the short list for another promotion. Let’s celebrate, right? 

Not so quick, sorry.

Jonathan has been a loyal, contributor for 12 years and received six, 5% promotion-based pay increases.  He recently learned his boss who left for another operation had been recruited at same pay grade but with a $40,000 per year salary difference.  How would that impact your employee loyalty and engagement?

Based on his 12 year story and factual data points, he made a compelling appeal to his boss; she totally agreed with his assessment.  He is not  appropriately compensated.  

“Unfortunately,” she said, “you were hired in at entry level and have worked your way up through the company.  (Just like we set it up…) Now, for you to be paid fair market value for your position you will most likely need to look outside the company.”

Can you imagine?

For 12 years you gave of your heart and soul to “the company”…sacrificing to meet expectations…developing yourself professionally…recognized as a high performer…fast track promotions…and now, you discovern your comp plan places you in the bottom of the market?

Now, only Jonathan’s character keeps him contributing.  Now, as reality sets in he starts searching for appreciation and respect. 

What will this decision cost the company?

A mere $250,000 to $300,000 in “hidden” turnover expense!

How can this happen?

Business eats people.

By business I mean a company or organization that buys and sells goods, make products, or provides services; “business eats people” to accomplish this activity whether for profit or not-for-profit.  This is not about it being “right or wrong”. It just is. Business consumes taking the time and energy, creativity and ideas, talent and skills, relationship connections to create.

Labor Day, Let’s All Celebrate!

Here in the USA we just “celebrated” Labor Day.  Other than marking the end of summer, what do you know about this Federal holiday?  Yes, we all know it is observed on the first Monday every September, but what about the origin?  According to the U. S. Department of Labor

Labor Day…is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. (Emphasis added)

Note that this is NOT a politically-oriented post, it is people-oriented. We continue with Wikipedia adding to the story…

The first Labor Day in the United States was celebrated on September 5, 1882 in New York City. It became a federal holiday in 1894, when, following the deaths of a number of workers at the hands of the U.S. Military and U. S. Marshals during the Pullman Strike, President Grover Cleveland put reconciliation with the labor movement as a top political priority. Fearing further conflict, legislation making Labor Day a national holiday was rushed through Congress unanimously and signed into law a mere six days after the end of the strike.

The form for the celebration of Labor Day was outlined in the first proposal of the holiday: a street parade to exhibit to the public “the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations,” followed by a festival for the workers and their families.

This became the pattern for Labor Day celebrations. Speeches by prominent men and women were introduced later, as more emphasis was placed upon the economic and civil significance of the holiday. Still later, by a resolution of the American Federation of Labor convention of 1909, the Sunday proceeding Labor Day was adopted as Labor Sunday and dedicated to the spiritual and educational aspects of the labor movement. (Emphasis added)

The original focus of the “labor movement” was about the people…the story continues:

The term labor movement is a broad term for the development of a collective organization of working people, to campaign in their own interest for better treatment from their employers and governments, in particular through the implementation of specific laws governing labor relations.

Although the birth of Labor Day has an unfortunate history, this Nationwide Holiday is designed to celebrate the American Worker. Consider the intended focus…

The vital force of labor added materially to the highest standard of living and the greatest production the world has ever known and has brought us closer to the realization of our traditional ideals of economic and political democracy. It is appropriate, therefore, that the nation pays tribute on Labor Day to the creator of so much of the nation’s strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker.  

That “the nation pays tribute to The Creator of so much opportunity, freedom and leadership” is reserved for another National Holiday: Thanksgiving Day.  

But you ask, what about  this “Business Eats People”?    

There is some good news here. 

Hope comes in a couple of ways to my way of thinking as I look at this story:

1. People: The business of business is people.  More than a slogan, without you, the “American worker”…without Jonathan a great customer experience is not possible. Nothing ships. Nothing is invented. The level of performance for any business or organization misses the mark of full potential without people who make want to make a difference in the world. 
2. Leadership: The role of a leader is to influence how business is done while in pursuit of profit.  Please notice “profit” it is not a four-letter word; without earnings there is no expansion or growth.  In a competitive and ever changing environment no growth leads to death; right?
3. Responsibility: Your role is to pay attention living around the “beast”. No responsible parent will knowingly place their child in danger? Considering a fun trip to the zoo?  Signs are posted, glass walls, fences, and ravines are present to keep everyone safe.   

Here are a few thoughts and questions to start help you reflect on your work-life balance and personal responsibility in your relationship with business and organizations?  Notice the sign at the front door…

Warning: This Business eats People, you are Responsible to:

Clarify Values: what matters to you?  What do you value? How well are your daily decisions guided by your values? Where do you have conflict between your values?

Establish Priorities: what is really important? 

Set Boundaries: do you know your limits? There comes a point when something crosses a line and becomes something else; when being “available” becomes (fill in the blank…) “being driven…a control freak…a perfectionist.”

What else would you include on the sign?

Based on this reality that “Business Eats People” what additional responsibilities do you think of?

How are you managing the demands of business (work) on your life?

Please comment below; I’d love to hear from you.  Who might you share today’s post with?

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Photo by U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service - NE Region

Intensity happens.

What happens when the heat index is this intense?

• People try to escape from it
• People tend to feel exhausted
• More effort is required to stay engaged
• Systems are pressed to their limit; air conditioning and dehydration come to mind…

The National Weather Service reminds us excessive heat is dangerous,

“The combination of hot temperatures and high humidity will combine to create a dangerous situation in which heat illnesses are possible.”

When something or someone is intense, it is an indication of an extreme degree of something…like the temperature, but of course I’m thinking about people. 

Intensity often shows up as a strength overextended, the use of force or authority, that raw emotion on display; unproductive behaviors.

Intensity happens. 

For most of us, “being intense” happens sooner or later; for some it’s right now, not later.  Which best describes you?

When does intensity happen in your work and life?

Intensity, as an unproductive behavior, often shows up when

• Expectations are not met
• Cooperation is not received
• One’s control feels threatened
• Emotion-based fear sits in the driver’s seat

One of my recent clients began their coaching engagement with “off the chart” intensity.  As we examine the story, his on-boarding was poorly managed with unrealistic expectations.  His up line manager’s behavior was driven by personal success and advancement, too.

Combine all the details with his core motive “to be right” and what happens?  Unregulated behavior (intensity) designed to say, “I’ll show you; I’ll prove I can do this job!”  This created success-limiting behavior. 

Misery accompanies “off the chart intensity” (like a hot summer day) and you know what misery likes, right? Yes, company.

Could that be “career-limiting intensity”?

Perhaps you heard about the JetBlue airline attendant, Steven Slater and his intense, on-the-job demonstration.  As the story goes, Slater reached his breaking point with an alleged passenger situation; he grabbed a beer, popped open the emergency exit door, took a ride down the inflatable slide, and ran across the tarmac to his car in employee parking.  Could that be “career-limiting”?

What’s interesting to me is how this story seems to resonate with people in the workplace.  It seems to be the “fantasy story” for a frustrated, under-appreciated, and over loaded work force.

Sara Kagle, an 18 year airlines’ veteran writes in the Wall Street Journal about her experience in the crew room after the misnamed “jump to freedom” incident.

I headed to the airport on Monday having just heard about JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater’s now famous jump to freedom. I expected a reaction, but not the phenomena that has followed. In the crew room, I could hear everyone sharing the news. The story was still unbelievable to me, and to everyone else. One fellow flight attendant didn’t believe me when I told her, another heard it and thought there must be more to the story — and, indeed, investigators are questioning the account.

But, mostly the reaction was the same: “I love this!” “Good for him!” “He’s my Hero!”

So, why do flight attendants feel this way? Do we really think that Steven Slater is a hero?

I’ll let you read her article for her take as this post is about the impact of intensity in your work.

How might you avoid an unfortunate, regrettable experience ignited by the demonstration of intense behavior? 

Three, no Four Simple Steps

Consider these simple actions as a place to begin to help manage your intense moments…

1. Breathe; a slow, cleansing, deep breath
2. Smile; (I know, it is counter intuitive, just try it and see)
3. Repeat, “I’m cool” (something is threatening your identity)
4. Reality Check: What’s true here? What’s my desired outcome?

Simple, not easy, especially during the intense moment. 

Consider this: What is the cost of intensity on your relationships, performance, health, and life?

My client emailed me after a couple of coaching sessions:

I have had a great couple of days.  I feel more confident and stronger than ever.  I also saw my level of intensity for the first time, kind of disappointing.    (Emphasis added)

Enjoy reflecting on these questions, if you wish:

1. How intense are you on a scale of 1 (low) to 6 (extremely)?
2. When are you the most intense?  Listen to your story…
3. How do you view your intensity, as a strength or weakness?
4. How do you think others experience you when you are intense?
5. How do you know that?

As for Mr. Slater

His unproductive behavior is allowing him to be charged with criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, and trespassing.  According to the WSJ, Slater

…has been cast as a working-class hero by some in the media and on the Internet for telling off rude passengers and then quitting in style.  His attorney said Slater…who pleaded not guilty to the charges, appreciates the support but isn’t enjoying the spotlight and only wants to return to aviation.

“This is a man who only cares about his industry, the airline industry,” Mr. Turman said. “He wants to thank JetBlue. It is a wonderful airline. Steven loves working for them and wishes to continue working for them.”

JetBlue has said that Mr. Slater has been suspended.

What is the impact of a “high intensity index” on others around you?  Much like the 105 degree temperatures people will…

• …try to escape from you
• …feel exhausted around you
• …invest more effort to stay engaged working with you
• …be pressed to their limit

Intensity has its price, so remember:

Breath…Smile…Repeat, “I’m cool.”

And, take that reality-check.

What do you think?  How do you combat “too intense” in today’s intense work place?

Please comment below; I’d love to hear from you.

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Photo by Xlibber

What is the pace of your life these days?  

That is the question I posed last week during a group coaching session. We were about to discuss “The Path to Future Success” — what is the pace of your life? 

Here are the some of the responses those leaders gave:

• Speed of light
• Rough
• Busy
• Laid back due to uncertainty/change
• Adapting to circumstances
• Crazy
• Extremely fast, no down time
• Comfortable
• Usually fast, slowing it forcibly
• Fast and Furious

Where do you identify?

What happens when you are overly occupied with activity? What’s the impact of being so committed to something that you are unable to undertake another activity of a greater value?

When does your schedule seem ridiculous…to the point that it’s not practical or showing good sense, “it’s crazy”?  What is that costing you?

What is the affect when you are doing nearly everything in “fast” mode?

What’s your world like?

Did you see the Peter Bregman’s recent Harvard Business Review blog, “Why I Returned My iPad”?  I appreciate his candor; what do you think?

A little more than a week after buying the iPad, I returned it to Apple. The problem wasn’t the iPad exactly, though it has some flaws. The problem was me.

I like technology, but I’m not an early adopter. I waited for the second-generation iPod, the second-generation iPhone, and the second-generation MacBook Air.

But the iPad was different. So sleek. So cool. So transformational. And, I figured, since it’s so similar to the iPhone, most of the kinks would already be worked out.

So at 4 PM on the day the 3G iPad was released, for the first time in my life, I waited in line for two hours to make a purchase.

I set up my iPad in the store because I wanted to make sure I could start using it the very moment I bought it. And use it I did. I carried it with me everywhere; it’s so small and thin and light, why not bring it along?

I did my email on it, of course. But I also wrote articles using Pages. I watched episodes of Weeds on Netflix. I checked the news, the weather, and the traffic. And, of course, I proudly showed it to, well, anyone who indicated the least bit of interest.

It didn’t take long for me to encounter the dark side of this revolutionary device: it’s too good.

It’s too easy. Too accessible. Both too fast and too long-lasting. Certainly there are some kinks, but nothing monumental. For the most part, it does everything I could want. Which, as it turns out, is a problem.

Sure I might want to watch an episode of Weeds before going to sleep. But should I? It really is hard to stop after just one episode. And two hours later, I’m entertained and tired, but am I really better off? Or would it have been better to get seven hours of sleep instead of five?

The brilliance of the iPad is that it’s the anytime-anywhere computer. On the subway. In the hall, waiting for the elevator. In a car on the way to the airport. Any free moment becomes a potential iPad moment.  (emphasis added)

The iPhone can do roughly the same thing, but not exactly. Who wants to watch a movie in bed on an iPhone?

So why is this a problem? It sounds like I was super-productive. Every extra minute, I was either producing or consuming.

Every extra minute, I was either producing or consuming. Sound familiar?

How is this pace affecting your life?

That’s the question I ask my coaching group next; here are their responses?

• Impacts my outlook on life
• My health
• Lacking a sense of direction
• Miss-focused, not concentrating on what is important
• Feeling short-changed
• Feeling out of control
• Exhausted
• Questioning: Where am I?  Who am I?
• Loss of contentment
• Drinking more Red Bull
• Loss of quality
• Out of balance
• Hurting my performance
• Impacting my life
• Hard on relationships

Now, how is the pace of life impacting you?

Life is accelerated, everything seems to happen faster, develop faster, change faster.

The point of the coaching session was to establish how to accelerate personal growth.

Here’s the principle to consider…

The way to accelerate personal growth is to slow life down.

How will you slow down your life today? 

What’s one thing that is so doable it’s laughable? What can you do that will help slow life down?

Tell us what you think.

Please leave your comment about this post on the comment section below.

Do you like this post?

Forward to your friends or tweet it…and thanks for reading The People Project blog.

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How does culture affect results?

At the end of 2009, Amazon.com bought Zappos for a deal valued at $1.2 billion.

Haven’t heard of them?  Zappos is an online shoe and accessory retailer that surpassed $1 billion in gross sales in 2008, two years ahead of projections.

As I read Brenna Fisher’s interviewwith CEO, Tony Hsieh, I discovered four concepts or keys to success for any company, department or small business.  Here’s my take on Zappos story and business…

1.    Freedom to Perform

Regarding the sale of his company, Hsieh indicates that it was more like a having a new board of directors. 

“They are leaving us alone and independent, [Amazon] recognizes that it’s our culture that’s gotten us this far, and they want to make sure to protect it.”

2.    Work as Lifestyle

Zappos is dedicated to their company culture, which includes creating fun and delivering wowthrough customer service every day.  Zappos culture will not work everywhere, but the goal will.  As Hsieh says, the desired outcome is

“…to unite employees and create a friends-and-family atmosphere.  For us, being a part of Zappos is just a lifestyle…not because people are being forced to work crazy hours. It’s just because people want to hang out with each other and people are passionate about their company.” 

3.    Humility

Zappos earned the No. 23 slot in Fortune’s2009 best 100 companies to work for list.  One of their core values, “be humble” shows up as Tony Hirsh, CEO gives credit to the entire Zappos family.

4.    Happiness, Culture, Bottom line

Bringing it together, Hsieh seems to see the human side of business better than most.

“Hsieh says putting too much emphasis on the bottom line is a mistake and motivating employees purely through bonuses is a lazy way to manage. Especially when research indicates that good boss-employee relationships, opportunity, and friends all rank higher than money on the list of what is important to employees in the workplace.”

“All the research is already out there,” Hsieh says.  “It’s just that no one bothers to pay attention to it because it’s much easier to not think about that type of stuff.”

“The thing we realized this year that sort of ties everything together is that customer service is about making customers happy, and the culture is about making employees happy.  So, really, we’re about trying to deliver happiness, whether it’s to customers or employees, and we apply that same philosophy to vendors as well.”

Personal Reflection 

Which of these four commitments makes sense for your culture?

1.    Freedom to Perform

How well does your culture and management style support freedom to perform?

What “policies” might get in the way of doing business?

2.    Work as Lifestyle

How much fun do you have at work?

How are healthy work friendships encouraged…do people want to “hang out with each other”?

3.    Humility

How well do you give credit to others for your success stories?

4.    Happiness, Culture, Bottom line

Where could you improve your recognition of the “human part” of human capital?

Please feel free to enter the discussion by posting your thoughts.