Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing, that we see too late, the one that is open.          – Alexander Graham Bell*

(Photo by Shootingsnow* on Flickr)

Last week I began the discussion around breakthrough success and resistance, asking: “Why the resistance?” Reminding you that …

Resistance always shows up when we step up to do something new, creative, greater … something that promises a better future.

The bottom line: resistance is committed to opposing our progress and knows where to attack with those doubt and fear-based suggestions

What opportunity is in front of you?

In my story, October has become the month of opportunity.

In October, 2007 I made the substantial decision and commitment to invest in executive coaching certification through TCU – Neeley School of Business in Fort Worth, Texas.

Yes, the catalyst for that decision was unexpected and it is true, the opportunity to make that decision was a surprise. But here’s the key: the event created the need to re-consider my Story, see a new opportunity, and then, overcome pockets of resistance along the way.

Yes, like countless others, I had to determine my response and take action or be stuck.  Thankfully, I received grace, tapped into my faith, and found freedom to sharpen pursuit of my purpose and passion: the development of people.

What is your story, your opportunity?

What got you here won’t get you there!

Four years later, I face the reality that what got me here won’t get me there.

No matter how good “here” is a better “there” is waiting for all of us.

While I celebrate the success of Next Level Executive Coaching, LLC I am acknowledging this principle: what got me here will not get me to my next level.

To help me get “there” I am investing in my development, including:

• A five-week, Speak to Sell Boot Camp with Lisa Sasevich
• Engaged John Eggen to mentor me in his Publishing and Marketing Program
• Working with Kim Castle and Vito Montone and their BrandU program for building my business
• Attending the two-day Coaching in Leadership and Healthcare Conference presented by McLean Hospital and Harvard Medical School’s Department of Continuing Education in Boston

Not only do I “coach” around this principle, I am committed to it. I know what got me here will not get me to my next level.

How do we defeat those pockets of resistance?

I shared my story around the resistance I experienced making the decision to pursue the author mentoring program. Rest assured the opportunities of October have been met with multiple pockets of opposition, internal and external, real and imagined.

Knowing the opposition, the resistance, the enemy is out there, we must be alert. Prompt, decisive action is required.

Here are the tactics I’m currently using to defeat the resistance:

1. Remember the Mission – keep focused on why it matters
2. Take Courage – remember previous breakthroughs for encouragement
3. Create Space – this is time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, spiritually; guard the harmony of your life
4. Disciplined Thinking – being mindful of the messaging in the head
5. Tapping Resources – our support system is vital, especially the people who believe
6. Manage Well – leverage those tools to manage time and energy

Courage Required

The Resistance uses intimidation to push against achievement. The ancient strategy involves sowing seeds of doubt to encourage fear.

Courage is necessary to push through the opposition and claim the opportunity.

It’s October, filled with opportunity. I’ll see you at the next level!

How do you handle the Resistance?

Where are you stuck today because of the Resistance creating doubt or fear?

Please comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish born American Inventor and Educator. (1847-1922) Source: thinkexist.com

Photo by Shootingsnow

The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.

- Woodrow T. Wilson

Photo by US Mission Geneva

We were at Border’s Cafe for Rachel’s coaching appointment. We had identified part of what was holding her back as a leader – a lack of confidence; she was not using her voice effectively.

If leadership is about having influence it’s pretty hard to achieve if your voice is silent. While she was writing in her coaching journal, I excused myself.  Making my way to the check-out area there was a display rack of various gift cards.

I selected this gift card and gave it to Rachel. I suggested the gift card message could serve as a reminder back at the corporate offices. She agreed and placed on her desk where she would see it.

Beyond the sound made when we use our vocal organs, voice represents our ability to express our thoughts, to contribute to the conversation.

Recently I have been amazed at how often this matter of being heard has come up. The stories reveal the affect of not being heard by the boss or sometimes, a complete lack of response to ideas.

What’s the affect of a silent voice?

When there is a failure to listen, to hear someone’s voice there is a price to pay. The ramification when leaders fail to lift every voice is significant; for example:

• The loss of employee engagement
• Doubt regarding one’s value to the organization
• The lack of respect diminishes trust
• Innovation is limited
• Opportunity for improvement, lost

How often does limiting another’s voice become a strategy to suppress their ideas?

How often is limiting another’s voice driven by a need to control.

To silence the voice of others is a leadership limiting behavior.

Whose voice and whose responsibility is it?

There are two sides to this story; it’s not always the boss not listening. Bret Simmons, faculty member of the College of Business, University of Nevada – Reno recently wrote about how beliefs can lead to a self-limiting use of the voice.

Referencing The Academy of Management Journal study by James Detert and Amy Edmondson; he summarizes five beliefs that can misguide employee thoughts towards those in authority causing them to exhibit “self-protective silence”.

1. Negative career consequences of voice: e.g. if you want advancement opportunities in today’s world, you have to be careful about pointing out needs for improvement to those in charge

2. Don’t embarrass the boss in public: e.g. you should always pass your ideas for improvement by the boss in private first, before you speak up publicly at work.

3. Don’t bypass the boss upward: e.g. loyalty to your boss means you don’t speak up about problems in front of his or her boss.

4. Need solid data or solutions (to speak up): e.g. unless you have clear solutions, you shouldn’t speak up about problems.

5. Presumed target identification: e.g. it is not good to question the way things are done because those who have developed the routines are likely to take it personally.

From my executive coaching experience, a silent voice is a shared leadership challenge. Yes, some leaders driven by insecurity, the pace of life, a need to control, or due to poor communication skills silence the voices. However, some employees – misguided by false beliefs – remain in silence.

Bottom line: silence limits leadership effectiveness. Where are you in the story?

THE PEOPLE PROJECT NOW AVAILABLE

If you think this might be a handy guide for you or someone in your circle of influence I would really appreciate it if you would help me offer the coaching support this book provides.

Order your copy from Amazon today.

Mike* is an emerging leader and coaching client. One week, as he shared a story, I could see how his fear of confrontation and wrong thinking about asking questions limits his ability to effectively communicate… especially with his boss.

Tell Less…

Our conversation went something like this…

“Mike, how do you like being told what to do?  When you are given an assignment — you know what to do and how to proceed how does being told what to do affect you?”

“I don’t like it,” he replied.

“Why is that?”

“I like to be left alone to do my job; trust me and let me do it.”

I pressed on, “How does it make you feel when someone tells you what to do?”

After some hesitation he found his words, “I don’t like it and find myself resisting…I don’t feel trusted or respected.”

When was the last time you enjoyed being told what to do?

The “Quill Pig”

Let’s consider communication and the lovable porcupine.

Photo by Wildxplorer

National Geographic helps us understand this animal’s uniqueness…

The porcupine is the prickliest of rodents, though its Latin name means “quill pig.” There are about two dozen porcupine species, and all boast a coat of needle-like quills to give predators a sharp reminder that this animal is no easy meal. Some quills, like those of Africa’s crested porcupine, are nearly a foot (30 centimeters) long.

Porcupines have soft hair, but on their back, sides, and tail it is usually mixed with sharp quills. These quills typically lie flat until a porcupine is threatened, then leap to attention as a persuasive deterrent. Porcupines cannot shoot them at predators as once thought, but the quills do detach easily when touched.

Many animals come away from a porcupine encounter with quills protruding from their own snouts or bodies. Quills have sharp tips and overlapping scales or barbs that make them difficult to remove once they are stuck in another animal’s skin. Porcupines grow new quills to replace the ones they lose. (Emphasis added)

How many people want a pet porcupine that you know?  Who wants to connect with this rodent?

Notice these key words used to describe the “Quill Pig”. Here’s how I connect them to telling in communication:

• Prickly – An uncomfortable, irritating, defensive exchange
• Sharp reminder – What do tellers want others to think or  remember? 
• Threatened – Why the intensity, what drives the need to tell?
• Persuasive deterrent – What limit does a “telling” style of communication impose?
• Detach easily – Why is it so easy to tell?
• Difficult to remove – “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words cannot harm me.”  Really?

Who wants to be known as a “Quill Pig”? 

At a relationship level telling often shuts dialog down; talented people do not appreciate being told.

Telling pushes people away. 

Imagine a ball carrier in football; his goal is the end zone.  As he runs toward defenders their goal is to tackle him. With an outstretched arm the ball carrier pushes his hand onto his would-be tackler to take him out of the action. The “stiff arm” is designed to push the other player out of the way. 

Just another illustration of how telling hinders communication.

So, what’s the solution?

Ask More…

Having established the imagery of “telling” we move to the alternative.

“Mike, when someone you respect asks for your input, your opinion, your thoughts on a topic, how do you feel?”

“Oh, it’s great. I feel honored, respected; appreciated, valued, trusted…it’s totally different.”

Yes, it is “totally different”. As we ask open-ended questions we invite participation.

• Asking encourages an exchange of ideas, discussion, dialogue
• Asking sends a message of value, respect, and honor
• Asking shows a level of trust and appreciation
• Asking flows from a place of freedom
• Asking indicates a released need to control

Whereas telling “pushes people away” — asking “invites them to stay”.

The mantra takes shape:  Ask MORE, Tell LESS…

Teach When You Can

Of course there is a time to impart knowledge to someone, to provide direction, to advocate a certain way or even the way something must be done. Go for it. Be a great teacher.

May I ask, what’s your inclination?

Here’s the mantra…what do you think?

Ask MORE, Tell LESS…Teach when You Can

Mike discovered asking questions does not have to be confrontational; in fact it actually shows honor, respect, and appreciation…even for the boss. And asking questions is a great way to bring value to the relationship.

*Mike is not his real name.

Photo: http://flickr.com/photos/21932201@N04/2307150982

.

Photo by Arenamontanus

This executive coaching client is a rising star in his company. 

Working in a Fortune 100 company with 300,000 employees, Jonathan (not his real name) has consistently received high performance marks and has for 12 years.  He is acknowledged for adding value to the company and consistently promoted from entry level to a senior manager role. 

With each promotion he received the standard 5% pay increase.

Recently, his boss was hired away.  Jonathan is on the short list for another promotion. Let’s celebrate, right? 

Not so quick, sorry.

Jonathan has been a loyal, contributor for 12 years and received six, 5% promotion-based pay increases.  He recently learned his boss who left for another operation had been recruited at same pay grade but with a $40,000 per year salary difference.  How would that impact your employee loyalty and engagement?

Based on his 12 year story and factual data points, he made a compelling appeal to his boss; she totally agreed with his assessment.  He is not  appropriately compensated.  

“Unfortunately,” she said, “you were hired in at entry level and have worked your way up through the company.  (Just like we set it up…) Now, for you to be paid fair market value for your position you will most likely need to look outside the company.”

Can you imagine?

For 12 years you gave of your heart and soul to “the company”…sacrificing to meet expectations…developing yourself professionally…recognized as a high performer…fast track promotions…and now, you discovern your comp plan places you in the bottom of the market?

Now, only Jonathan’s character keeps him contributing.  Now, as reality sets in he starts searching for appreciation and respect. 

What will this decision cost the company?

A mere $250,000 to $300,000 in “hidden” turnover expense!

How can this happen?

Business eats people.

By business I mean a company or organization that buys and sells goods, make products, or provides services; “business eats people” to accomplish this activity whether for profit or not-for-profit.  This is not about it being “right or wrong”. It just is. Business consumes taking the time and energy, creativity and ideas, talent and skills, relationship connections to create.

Labor Day, Let’s All Celebrate!

Here in the USA we just “celebrated” Labor Day.  Other than marking the end of summer, what do you know about this Federal holiday?  Yes, we all know it is observed on the first Monday every September, but what about the origin?  According to the U. S. Department of Labor

Labor Day…is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. (Emphasis added)

Note that this is NOT a politically-oriented post, it is people-oriented. We continue with Wikipedia adding to the story…

The first Labor Day in the United States was celebrated on September 5, 1882 in New York City. It became a federal holiday in 1894, when, following the deaths of a number of workers at the hands of the U.S. Military and U. S. Marshals during the Pullman Strike, President Grover Cleveland put reconciliation with the labor movement as a top political priority. Fearing further conflict, legislation making Labor Day a national holiday was rushed through Congress unanimously and signed into law a mere six days after the end of the strike.

The form for the celebration of Labor Day was outlined in the first proposal of the holiday: a street parade to exhibit to the public “the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations,” followed by a festival for the workers and their families.

This became the pattern for Labor Day celebrations. Speeches by prominent men and women were introduced later, as more emphasis was placed upon the economic and civil significance of the holiday. Still later, by a resolution of the American Federation of Labor convention of 1909, the Sunday proceeding Labor Day was adopted as Labor Sunday and dedicated to the spiritual and educational aspects of the labor movement. (Emphasis added)

The original focus of the “labor movement” was about the people…the story continues:

The term labor movement is a broad term for the development of a collective organization of working people, to campaign in their own interest for better treatment from their employers and governments, in particular through the implementation of specific laws governing labor relations.

Although the birth of Labor Day has an unfortunate history, this Nationwide Holiday is designed to celebrate the American Worker. Consider the intended focus…

The vital force of labor added materially to the highest standard of living and the greatest production the world has ever known and has brought us closer to the realization of our traditional ideals of economic and political democracy. It is appropriate, therefore, that the nation pays tribute on Labor Day to the creator of so much of the nation’s strength, freedom, and leadership — the American worker.  

That “the nation pays tribute to The Creator of so much opportunity, freedom and leadership” is reserved for another National Holiday: Thanksgiving Day.  

But you ask, what about  this “Business Eats People”?    

There is some good news here. 

Hope comes in a couple of ways to my way of thinking as I look at this story:

1. People: The business of business is people.  More than a slogan, without you, the “American worker”…without Jonathan a great customer experience is not possible. Nothing ships. Nothing is invented. The level of performance for any business or organization misses the mark of full potential without people who make want to make a difference in the world. 
2. Leadership: The role of a leader is to influence how business is done while in pursuit of profit.  Please notice “profit” it is not a four-letter word; without earnings there is no expansion or growth.  In a competitive and ever changing environment no growth leads to death; right?
3. Responsibility: Your role is to pay attention living around the “beast”. No responsible parent will knowingly place their child in danger? Considering a fun trip to the zoo?  Signs are posted, glass walls, fences, and ravines are present to keep everyone safe.   

Here are a few thoughts and questions to start help you reflect on your work-life balance and personal responsibility in your relationship with business and organizations?  Notice the sign at the front door…

Warning: This Business eats People, you are Responsible to:

Clarify Values: what matters to you?  What do you value? How well are your daily decisions guided by your values? Where do you have conflict between your values?

Establish Priorities: what is really important? 

Set Boundaries: do you know your limits? There comes a point when something crosses a line and becomes something else; when being “available” becomes (fill in the blank…) “being driven…a control freak…a perfectionist.”

What else would you include on the sign?

Based on this reality that “Business Eats People” what additional responsibilities do you think of?

How are you managing the demands of business (work) on your life?

Please comment below; I’d love to hear from you.  Who might you share today’s post with?

.

Photo by U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service - NE Region

Intensity happens.

What happens when the heat index is this intense?

• People try to escape from it
• People tend to feel exhausted
• More effort is required to stay engaged
• Systems are pressed to their limit; air conditioning and dehydration come to mind…

The National Weather Service reminds us excessive heat is dangerous,

“The combination of hot temperatures and high humidity will combine to create a dangerous situation in which heat illnesses are possible.”

When something or someone is intense, it is an indication of an extreme degree of something…like the temperature, but of course I’m thinking about people. 

Intensity often shows up as a strength overextended, the use of force or authority, that raw emotion on display; unproductive behaviors.

Intensity happens. 

For most of us, “being intense” happens sooner or later; for some it’s right now, not later.  Which best describes you?

When does intensity happen in your work and life?

Intensity, as an unproductive behavior, often shows up when

• Expectations are not met
• Cooperation is not received
• One’s control feels threatened
• Emotion-based fear sits in the driver’s seat

One of my recent clients began their coaching engagement with “off the chart” intensity.  As we examine the story, his on-boarding was poorly managed with unrealistic expectations.  His up line manager’s behavior was driven by personal success and advancement, too.

Combine all the details with his core motive “to be right” and what happens?  Unregulated behavior (intensity) designed to say, “I’ll show you; I’ll prove I can do this job!”  This created success-limiting behavior. 

Misery accompanies “off the chart intensity” (like a hot summer day) and you know what misery likes, right? Yes, company.

Could that be “career-limiting intensity”?

Perhaps you heard about the JetBlue airline attendant, Steven Slater and his intense, on-the-job demonstration.  As the story goes, Slater reached his breaking point with an alleged passenger situation; he grabbed a beer, popped open the emergency exit door, took a ride down the inflatable slide, and ran across the tarmac to his car in employee parking.  Could that be “career-limiting”?

What’s interesting to me is how this story seems to resonate with people in the workplace.  It seems to be the “fantasy story” for a frustrated, under-appreciated, and over loaded work force.

Sara Kagle, an 18 year airlines’ veteran writes in the Wall Street Journal about her experience in the crew room after the misnamed “jump to freedom” incident.

I headed to the airport on Monday having just heard about JetBlue flight attendant Steven Slater’s now famous jump to freedom. I expected a reaction, but not the phenomena that has followed. In the crew room, I could hear everyone sharing the news. The story was still unbelievable to me, and to everyone else. One fellow flight attendant didn’t believe me when I told her, another heard it and thought there must be more to the story — and, indeed, investigators are questioning the account.

But, mostly the reaction was the same: “I love this!” “Good for him!” “He’s my Hero!”

So, why do flight attendants feel this way? Do we really think that Steven Slater is a hero?

I’ll let you read her article for her take as this post is about the impact of intensity in your work.

How might you avoid an unfortunate, regrettable experience ignited by the demonstration of intense behavior? 

Three, no Four Simple Steps

Consider these simple actions as a place to begin to help manage your intense moments…

1. Breathe; a slow, cleansing, deep breath
2. Smile; (I know, it is counter intuitive, just try it and see)
3. Repeat, “I’m cool” (something is threatening your identity)
4. Reality Check: What’s true here? What’s my desired outcome?

Simple, not easy, especially during the intense moment. 

Consider this: What is the cost of intensity on your relationships, performance, health, and life?

My client emailed me after a couple of coaching sessions:

I have had a great couple of days.  I feel more confident and stronger than ever.  I also saw my level of intensity for the first time, kind of disappointing.    (Emphasis added)

Enjoy reflecting on these questions, if you wish:

1. How intense are you on a scale of 1 (low) to 6 (extremely)?
2. When are you the most intense?  Listen to your story…
3. How do you view your intensity, as a strength or weakness?
4. How do you think others experience you when you are intense?
5. How do you know that?

As for Mr. Slater

His unproductive behavior is allowing him to be charged with criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, and trespassing.  According to the WSJ, Slater

…has been cast as a working-class hero by some in the media and on the Internet for telling off rude passengers and then quitting in style.  His attorney said Slater…who pleaded not guilty to the charges, appreciates the support but isn’t enjoying the spotlight and only wants to return to aviation.

“This is a man who only cares about his industry, the airline industry,” Mr. Turman said. “He wants to thank JetBlue. It is a wonderful airline. Steven loves working for them and wishes to continue working for them.”

JetBlue has said that Mr. Slater has been suspended.

What is the impact of a “high intensity index” on others around you?  Much like the 105 degree temperatures people will…

• …try to escape from you
• …feel exhausted around you
• …invest more effort to stay engaged working with you
• …be pressed to their limit

Intensity has its price, so remember:

Breath…Smile…Repeat, “I’m cool.”

And, take that reality-check.

What do you think?  How do you combat “too intense” in today’s intense work place?

Please comment below; I’d love to hear from you.

.