You may delay, but time will not. – Benjamin Franklin

darwin Bell via Compfight

Did you know yesterday was historic on our calendar? I spotted it as I wrote in my Journal … 12-12-12 — yes, it looks impressive.

When you throw in the time stamp, there was a moment in history recorded as “12:12:12 on 12-12-12.” Like a small town in Kansas blink and you missed it. If you are thinking, “Oh, I’ll just catch it next time” you’ll need to hang on until 2112.

It wasn’t until I Googled “12-12-12” that I realized December 12, 2012 was more than a cool number arrangement. There was a New York concert “121212” a fund raiser for victims of the storm, Sandy. It seems brides, wanting an iconic wedding date flooded the County Clerk’s Office and Wedding Chapels.

One headline read: “Welcome day of doom 12/12/12 — unless you want to celebrate.” I chose to celebrate and since you are reading this, we *avoided the Mayan apocalypse.

*Correction 12/13/12: LiveScience.com reports the Mayan prophecies point to an “important cycle” associated with 12/21/12, not 12/12/12. If you are reading this December 22, 2012 take note of how our world is different.

Isn’t that always the case?

What if you missed celebrating 12-12-12? It was a once-in-a-lifetime moment; you and I, we will not live to see 12-12-12 again.

Truth is that’s how life can be whether it is 12-12-12 or 09.12 (oh, you missed my birthday, too!?) Yes, Mr. Franklin was right, “You may delay, but time will not.” When we fail to celebrate a moment, that moment is lost.

But, is all lost?

The good news is it’s not all doom and gloom when it comes to special occasions, achievements, and acts of kindness or celebrating another person.

If we miss a moment in the Story we can still write the note, pick up the phone, send the text or card or flowers or candy; we can invite to lunch or coffee, and show our appreciation, express our gratitude or celebrate the person, the moment in time … until “time” is no more.

Ritual and Ceremony

This holiday season of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and a New Year can create space if we let it. Space to reach back in the Story and celebrate.

What’s going on in your Story?  Whether it is the best of times or a tough chapter, I hope you cultivate gratitude and manifest appreciation as you find reason to celebrate.

In my book, The People Project I write about “The Beauty of Appreciation”. The story is about Heather, a valuable employee.

Over coffee she began to confide in me, so I asked “What is your challenge today?”

The bottom line answer: her growing disengagement at work.

In addition to Heather’s positive career path with the company, she was consistently hitting performance goals. She was also identified as an emerging leader by the company’s regional corporate leaders — an awesome achievement, indeed. So why then were we having this java chat? Why was she thinking about leaving?

Did she like what she was doing? Yes.

Was she a “good employee” making a difference; did she have highly valued character qualities? Yes.

Had her employer invested time and money in her personal growth and professional development? Yes.

Was she growing as a person, an assistant manager, and a leader? Yes.

Did her company see an enlarged role in their future? Yes.

Then, why was she considering an exit strategy?

If you ask, “How much of a raise did she want?” you asked the wrong question…salary was never mentioned, and neither was the substantial demand on her schedule.

As my frozen mocha coffee was all but gone and she answered my questions, the solution for keeping this emerging leader became quite clear: appreciation.  Her manager was missing an important skill: the ability to communicate basic appreciation.

The truth is this appreciation only exists when it is expressed. Appreciation is admiration, approval, or gratitude expressed.

Here are five tips to help you celebrate and appreciate people and blessings in your story and retain top talent in your organization. (The People Project p. 41)

1. Be intentional
2. Seize the moment
3. Know your people
4. Leverage existing opportunities
5. Brag on them to someone special in their life

While the occasion to write “12.12.12” as today’s date is gone for us, the chance to celebrate is not. Who or what will you celebrate today? How will you go about the “party”?

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.  - John F. Kennedy

Fatma .M via Compfight

If you stroll through your Story, with a heart of gratitude, good stuff will happen; that’s just how being grateful works.

To review the full Story requires more than a minute or two but don’t let that stop you from stealing a moment. Then you will enjoy the rewards of a grateful heart. Yes, if you crave love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, contentment (and who doesn’t?), I invite you to ponder two questions regarding what got you ‘here’?

1. What is one THING you are thankful for?
2. Who is one PERSON of influence you appreciate?

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasure.  –Thornton Wilder

What happened as you focused on the Story?

Want to stay longer?

If you have another few minutes, here you go …

• Who are three people you want to call and thank for their influence in your Story?
• Thinking of a difficult season or time of doubt, who rekindled your flame of hope? Now, what will your text message or personal note say?
• Or, who needs to borrow your spark to re-light their flame? What’s your plan?

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.  –Albert Schweitzer

Want to go deeper?

• Where are you challenged today? What can you be thankful for … anyway?
• Now, who is your biggest challenge? Write some of their positive qualities or things you can be thankful for about them, until your attitude shifts towards them.

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven. –Johannes A. Gaertner

Writing the Story is about how we got “here,” a celebration of “here”, while knowing “there” is better yet. No one gets “there”, without others.

Here’s to living lives of thanksgiving.

The People Project helps create self-managed employees; do your people have a copy?

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

Thank you for allowing me to be present in your Story this past year.

Whether we spent hours together 1on1, connected in one of my coaching groups or virtually through my weekly blog; whether you picked up a copy of my book or you are a colleague – you are touching my life and journey.

With January 2012 we will celebrate the beginning of our fifth year here at Next Level Executive Coaching,LLC.

Truly, my story would not be the same without you in it; thank you.

Now, I invite you to receive this gift – is my wish for us, for you and for me; it is part of the answer to a full life. It is a quality that impacts how you will show up as a leader…today.

I am filled with gratitude for you.

Here’s to your Next Level,

Steve

Were there no God, we would be in this glorious world with grateful hearts, and no one to thank.  – Christina G. Rossetti

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr

The word history of “thanks” takes us to the Latin tongere – to know.

The Wonder of Relationships

Think of someone you have a solid relationship with. Can you remember when you first met?

Notice the journey, how little by little you move from being strangers – unfamiliar and unknown – to a deeper connectedness. How does this happen?

Over time; as we come to know their story and who they are the relationship develops.

And what do we know about Story?

• Everyone has a Story
• Every day we add to the Story
• Today, you will have influence on someone’s Story
• There always more to the story

Why so much conflict?

The effectiveness of my coaching requires a foundation of trust leading to authentic openness, this sacred getting to know another person and being known. It takes some time.

When I coach leaders in conflict, I hear two stories. That’s how it is, right?

Conflict threatens our relationships. The natural response to conflict is to fight or run from the person, the situation. Notice how the longer the conflict goes unresolved the less we see the other person or the truth in the Story.

To protect the relationship and stay connected we must seek to understand, to know and see the person. Being thankful supports our relationships in this way; when we  know someone and recognize what they bring.

The Grease of Gratitude

At the same time, it is our connection with people creates friction.

Unfulfilled expectations create frustration. What happens with the unmanaged frustration?  We revert to ancient behavior which  hinders our performance; shrinking our influence.

Whether with a business partner, work associate, family member or friend, relationships provide conflict.

Consider how the following impact your relationships:

• The pace of life
• The demands of work
• Ineffective or limited communication
• Chronic low energy (nearly epidemic)

Gratitude is one of the keys to quality relationships; interestingly, the essence of both great relationships and effective gratitude is our ability to know and see the people. 

Conflict tends to distort the truth of who they are and what they contribute AND how I contribute to the situation.

How do we reduce the friction of human connections? By cultivating gratitude for the other person.

A mechanic greases machine gears so they 1) run smoothly or 2) to stop something else from sticking to them.

The grease of gratitude helps our human connections 1) run smoothly and 2) protect them from the damage of such fear-based emotions as anxiety, anger, control, ill-will, resentment, frustration, irritation, and the like.

The Value of Conflict

Conflict naturally pushes us to fight or retreat; however there is a third option: stay and engage. Gratitude creates enough space and grace to do the work of seeking to understand the other person.

To be grateful includes appreciation of others and an expression of the same.

Which of your relationships could use the grease of gratitude?

Please leave a comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team,            a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing           Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Christina G. Rossetti (English Poet); 1834-1894 – Source: ThinkExist

Photo by USACEpublicaffairs flickr

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Photo from the Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain.

The Facebook notification came early Tuesday morning; subject read: “Random….”  

Here is the message I received Karri Renfro Jones …

Random…

Hi Steve! Today’s blog was especially relevant to where I am in my journey. I know this will seem to come out of left field, but I just wanted to tell you how much I love reading your weekly blog!

I met you at ChartMark at such a crossroads in my life and I was so inspired by what you do. You played a role in helping me find the courage to break out of my securities/financial shell and take a road that was so foreign to me yet so much a part of who I needed to be.

Thank you for doing what you do and continuing to inspire me on a weekly basis!!  (Emphasis added)

Random is good; good to give and really good to receive. 

Gratitude is good; good to receive and really good to give.

Thank you, Karri!

Who will receive your “Random” message?

If you are reading this the day it posted, Tuesday, May 31, you know yesterday was Memorial Day here in the USA. To champion the real Story, here is a reminder regarding Memorial Day…

Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May. Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates men and women who died while in military service to the United States. First enacted to honor Union and Confederate soldiers following the American Civil War, it was extended after World War I to honor Americans who have died in all wars.

Indeed, Memorial Day is tied to the American Civil War … four years of bloody, devastating warfare endured before the surrender of the Confederacy. Slavery was outlawed everywhere in the nation.

Memorial Day is to remind us of the difficult and costly story of conflict and freedom. 

It also became…

Like so many things, without diligence, the history of the story can be lost or re-directed.

Begun as a ritual of remembrance and reconciliation after the civil war, by the early 20th century, Memorial Day was an occasion for more general expressions of memory, as ordinary people visited the graves of their deceased relatives, whether they had served in the military or not. It also became a long weekend increasingly devoted to shopping, family gatherings, fireworks, trips to the beach, and national media events…it became what it is to most today, the start of summer vacation season.

How was your Memorial Day weekend? 

[If you have 5 minutes, here is a video posted by Antonie, “Psalm 23 Memorial Day Tribute”.]

Both Karri’s story and the origin of Memorial Day in the United States of America invite us to pay attention.  Here’s what I hear -

The Life in Random Gratitude

Expressing gratitude is both a sign of character and powerful ; even when random. When I asked Karri for permission to share her story she responded,

I don’t mind you using my name! This really made me realize it is important to take time to let people know how they influence our lives and/or decisions. It is so easy to not do anything – it felt good to take action!

Who will you honor? Who has had an influence on your life? When will you pick up the phone, write the note, send the email or flowers or schedule the coffee…? Random may just be perfect timing.

The Connection of Responsibility and Freedom

In my storyabout finishing my new book, I used the phrase “I’m stuck” as I wrote to my copy editor.  However, accepting responsibility and taking action set me free. Listen again to Karri’s words –

You played a role in helping me find the courage to break out of my securities/finance shell and take a road that was so foreign to me yet so much a part of who I needed to be.

Love it … find the courage to break out and take a road. 

Courage has to do with our ability to face something without be held back by fear or deterred from action.

Freedom came as Karri accepted personal responsibility and started moving. 

Freedom is liberation from slavery.

Freedom is deliverance from restraint.

Freedom is boldness to act, in spite of fear.

Freedom requires courage and courage engages us in conflict with the enemy, the resistance.

Karri’s story serves as another reminder: when you are stuck if you accept personal responsibility and take appropriate action freedom will follow.

Indeed, Karri opened Tippie Toes of Broken Arrow to better live out her purpose and passion.

Where do you need to accept responsibility?

What if … ?

Please share your comments below.

Personal note: I was born in 1954 and issued a draft number for the Vietnam War. However, draft numbers issued in 1972 were never used to call for induction into service, because the last call was December 7 and authority to induct expired June 30, 1973.  So, while I was issued a draft number, I did not serve in Vietnam. May God bless our men and women in service today and may we remember the cost of freedom.