Posts Tagged ‘Gratitude’
For some it’s a tradition – deep-fried turkey – for others it’s a costly and painful accident. They get burned!
Speaking of pain, did you know Texas wins the dubious title of: most grease and cooking-related accident claims on Thanksgiving Day? According to State Farm Insurance the top five are Texas, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and New York.
Yep, more cooking fires occurred in Texas on Thanksgiving Day than any other day with over 30% started in a garage or on the patio. More than $15 million in property damage each year, plus the pain people experience due to burn injuries.
A different type of “burn”
Every day, people get burned – not deep-frying a turkey – but in relationships. They experience pain through some interaction in the workplace, even on their team.
People will be “burned” today when someone …
- Breaks trust showing no vulnerability even though they dropped the ball
- Ineffectively communicates, dismissing the real issues in favor of a personal agenda
- Fakes his or her commitment to the decision, with a nod, but with no intention to follow through
- Shirks personal responsibility for his or her work and accountability to the team
- Fails to focus on team results in favor of personal gain
Beyond such team-based burns, there’s the additional frustration blister raised by unfulfilled expectations.
When burned by someone, sparks fly and friction heats things up.
Another type of grease
Think about what happens when iron gears mesh together. Iron on iron creates friction. The friction between the cogs heats up and wears them down. In time, the powerful gears no longer work and progress is stopped … unless grease is applied.
Gears are a simple way to increase speed or power or to change direction. To keep gears from wearing down, grease must be applied.
Gratitude, the grease for team relationships
Like a gearbox, teams transfer power from one part to another. Friction and tension, the wear and tear of use eliminates the lubrication.
Of course, teams cannot avoid frustration, tension, stress or conflict – that’s life. Whether the friction comes from interacting with others or set backs in life things can heat up. This is where the grease of gratitude is applied.
Said another way, it’s hard to be at odds with and grateful for a teammate at the same time. Gratitude may not prevent the relationship “burn” caused by tension, stress, and conflict, but it can help bring healing.
When you experience friction, see what happens when you focus on the positive aspects and qualities of the other person or situation. Then, move forward with achieving the collective results of the team.
So if you want to deep-fry a turkey, perhaps for Christmas, avoid a call to 911 by following these safety steps: 1) Place the fryer away from anything combustible. 2) Don’t overfill the fryer; leave room for the turkey. 3) Do not overheat the oil; 350 degrees is the limit. And 4) Completely thaw your turkey before immersing in hot oil.
Grease your relationships
Now, back to those “turkeys” you work with….
Squirt some gratitude grease in your relationship-gearbox. I know we just celebrated Thanksgiving in the USA, but the challenge remains, right?
- Where are you frustrated in life? Where does life not seem fair right now?
Take your journal and complete the following statement. List at least five things.
When it comes to (insert your situation) I’m grateful for ___________
- Who are you frustrated with? What person are you experiencing conflict, tension, or stress with…?
Write your answer to the following…
When I think of (person) I appreciate ______________
Applying the grease of gratitude and appreciation is soothing and liberating. Repeat daily or more often as required.
Here’s to your Next Level,
This week, I offer a quick reminder in support of your Thanksgiving Day celebration. Actually, this simple exercise is effective whenever you need to shift your thinking about your Story or someone in your Story.
Perhaps you are frustrated because of unfulfilled expectations. Maybe you dropped the ball or missed the mark. Or something happened in your Story that “isn’t fair.”
Create space to build perspective, to think, or re-consider your Story. Use this reflective exercise and watch what happens.
Take your journal or a piece of paper and complete this statement:
Today, I’m grateful for…(List at least seven things.)
Add more grease
Question ONE: Where are you frustrated?Where does life not seem fair today? What disappoints you right now?
Now, complete the following:
When it comes to (name the situation) I’m grateful …
Question TWO: Think of someone you are frustrated with, at odds with, or in conflict with …
Complete the following:
When I think of (person) I appreciate ______________
Gratitude and appreciation grease the gears of life.
Use liberally to support a positive outlook on your Story. Simple but effective; repeat daily.
Grateful for you,
Alan Webber sat at the end of the boardroom table. After a lot of hard work, he had landed an interview with former German chancellor Helmut Schmidt for Harvard Business Review.
“I’ve got my questions written,” he thought running through his mental checklist. “Recorder is set, last thing I need is a technical glitch and miss this whole thing. Man, this jet lag is killing me – what was I thinking…?”
And with that fear began its subtle assault.
His mind fully cooperated, “What will the editor think if I screw up this interview? What would happen to my job? What if Helmut Schmidt thinks my questions are stupid? What if…?”
Fear is the defeater of many initiatives: make the phone call. Launch the project. Re-engage the strained relationship. Speak up in the meeting. Fear challenges forward progress in ordinary work of life on a daily basis.
Here are three steps to support your victory over fear:
- Gratitude – What is the unique opportunity before you? How is the problem, challenge or assignment an opportunity? What are you grateful for in this situation?
- Smile – Bring smile power to your aid. As Leo Widrich points out, “Smiling reduces stress that your body and mind feel … (it) helps to generate more positive emotions within you.” Smile fear in the face.
- Let go – What happens when you try to control something or someone who is out of your control? You lose control, self-control. Lack of self-control leads to unproductive behavior. The need to control produces frustration, which fertilizes your fear.
What if it doesn’t go as you expected? What if it does?
First you, then the others
Victory over fear resides within you. Gratitude re-sets perspective, smiling generates positive emotion, and releasing control liberates you to expand your influence. Your victory over fear builds a positive environment for your team.
In his book, Out of the Crisis, W. Edwards Deming offered fourteen key principles for transforming business effectiveness. One of his management principles states:
Drive out fear, so that everyone may work effectively for the company.
Fear not only gets in your way but also creates a fear-based workplace. Fear of failure destroys freedom and innovation. The fear of doing it wrong disengages a team and hinders productivity. Fear limits progress.
Alan took his note pad and wrote across the top of the page:
Relax! Smile! This is a blessing, a treat, and an honor. It’s not a punishment to be endured.
Just then, the door opened and Helmut Schmidt walked in for the interview.
We shook hands. I introduced myself and briefly explained the project. I got ready to ask my first question. But first I smiled. He smiled back. (Rules of Thumb, p. 4)
Where is fear having its way with you and holding you back? Think of the situation.
What are you grateful for? Make your list of 3 – 5 things.
Ready to let go? How will you exert influence instead of trying to control?
Here’s to your victory!
PS: Addressing fear and overcoming is just one of the skills we practice in Next Generation Leaders team-based coaching. If you’d like to see more details of how we unite employees into teams of self-managed leaders, see the team-based coaching page.
Photo credit: Cross Duck via Compfight
To explore the world outside you requires a change of pace and perspective; yes, an open heart and mind.
So, how curious are you about what lies outside you? What about the people you work with, curious about their weekend? What about the work you do, wonder how to be more effective?
What might you be missing?
What inspires and recharges your batteries? Now, how often do you engage in those activities?
What might happen if you create a little space to see, to think, to notice … to breathe?
Here’s to seeing life and the people in your story with new eyes … with appreciation and gratitude.
May you be filled with awe today,
Imagine an old table. The current finish covers three other layers of paint hiding the beautiful red oak grain. Your goal: to restore the natural wood with a hand rubbed finish.
The paint surrenders to the abrasive aluminum oxide 60-grit sandpaper. With time, the wood grain is revealed confirming the value of your second-hand store snag.
The oak wood has smaller imperfections requiring additional preparation. You grab a sheet of 120-grit sandpaper. Energized by the progress the surface is ready for the stain, sealer, and finish coat.
The vision breaks into the reality of a dusty workplace.
Speaking of goal achievement
We are in season of new beginnings and fresh starts. It’s time to re-visit the dream or dream again. As you engage the moment, may I encourage you to create space for reflection on Chapter 2013 first? Remember that
The Best Predictor of Future Success
is the ability and willingness to learn and change,
achieved through consistent reflection
on truth found in the Story.
Come on, let’s celebrate!
Unleashing a heart of gratitude it’s time to rehearse and celebrate your 2013 achievements. How easy it is to magnify the misses and those times we fell short. What happens if we do? We lose the encouragement and energy that comes from making progress.
When will you create space to celebrate your victories?
What to do to get there
As you dream about Chapter 2014 in your story, here’s some help regarding how to reach your goals. In her book 9 Things Successful People Do Differently, Heidi Grant Halvorson offers strategies that support high performance. Here are the 9 things:
- Get specific – What does success look like for you?
- Seize the moment to act – pre-determine what you will do, when, and where you will take action
- Know exactly how far you have left to go – monitor your progress
- Be a realistic optimist – see the obstacles and prepare how you will overcome them
- Focus on getting better, rather than being good – goals are seen as opportunities to improve, rather than prove yourself
- Have grit – persistence over the long haul
- Build your willpower muscle – self-control needs to be exercised in order to strengthen it
- Don’t tempt fate – no one has willpower all the time, don’t push your luck
- Focus on what you will do, not what you won’t do – instead of focusing on bad habits, its more effective to replace them with better ones
Remember, goal accomplishment is about what you do, not who you are.
What about grit?
Heidi Halvorson created the Nine Things Diagnostics – a free, online set of questionnaires designed to measure how you use the nine things in pursuit of personal and professional goals. Reviewing some 7,000 responses she discovered the most impactful strategy: have grit. That’s right, persistence is at the top of the list.
Think of a time when you did not achieve a realistic goal.
How much consideration did you give to the possibility: “I just didn’t hang in there long enough?” People often believe it is their lack of ability that limits success, more often than not, it is too little grit to get the job done.
Here’s the nitty-gritty. The four most impactful strategies are…
- Have grit
- Know exactly how far you have left to go
- Get specific on what success looks like
- Seize the moment to act on your goals
Back to our painted oak table … success was the result of persistence, monitoring of progress, knowing what success looks like, and setting aside time to work on the project. And the reward? A beautiful oak piece of furniture and satisfaction of a job well done.
Now, just so you don’t forget …
- What are your top five achievements during Chapter 2013?
- How will you celebrate?
- Who will be there? When? Where?
Here’s to your dream and grit,
Photo credit: woodleywonderworks via Compfight
With one disappointment after another, the day felt like a three-game losing streak. Interrupted plans left him wanting more time for to do what he wanted to do. Others experienced his frustration.
On the heels of Thanksgiving Day, Judah wanted to play longer outside, play another video game, and stay longer at Riverside Park. Quick as shooting star, his gratitude and appreciation departed with joy and laughter trailing behind. Pouting and grumpiness promptly filled the void. He only wanted more of a good thing. You understand, don’t you?
A bird in hand…
When does it happen? Remember when you held something of value in your hand but that drive for more or that belief that there is something better chased contentment away, along with gratitude and appreciation.
Contentment is a good thing. While it can suggest, “making do” it means, “to limit (oneself) in requirements, desires, or actions.” Contentment supports satisfaction and happiness. Being content actually creates space to accept something more. It’s becomes a matter of focus.
How ironic that Black Friday immediately follows Thanksgiving Day: the time set apart to take inventory and to give thanks for what we already have – the day proclaimed by President Lincoln to be a national day of “Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.”
Harmonizing contentment and desire
“Judah, hold out your hands,” I wanted to help my seven-year-old grandson think about his Story, his behavior. “Now, in your right hand is all the fun we just had outside, playing and throwing the ball. In your other hand is what you want — more time to play outside. But that’s over.”
Hoping for a teaching moment, I pressed on, “What happens if you focus on your empty hand? You’ll be disappointed, sad, mad … right? Now, look at your right hand and remember the fun we had. Can we be thankful for that?”
You’re right; it was not an instant transformation! But I was content with my effort to connect with Judah. And you know what else? Today, I’m still thinking about my focus and purpose to appreciate what’s in my “right hand,” especially the people.
Oh, we missed Black Friday and went to the Oklahoma Aquarium instead. Every time we go I’m amazed at the work of the Creator’s hands!
How well are you harmonizing contentment with your desire for more?
What’s that already in your hand…?
Here’s to liberating contentment,
It arrived a few weeks ago. Like a granite monument it stands tall on my study desk. It is powerful but discreet. Extraordinary yet simple. Authentic.
You see, over 30 years ago Connie and her husband, Paul became people of influence in our lives. On November 2nd Connie wrote…
Just a note to thank you for sending your books – we look forward to reading them.
It was a delight to get to talk to you and Rita at (MNU) Homecoming. What fun recalling memories and sharing a little of the “Journey!” Actually, we could have used more time.
It is always a blessing for us to hear and see how God is working in the lives of people who have been a part of our lives in past years.
With appreciation and love to both you and Rita,
Her card was more than “Just a note.” Think back to that handwritten note you received; what did you feel?
Handwritten notes are so effective, so why don’t we send more? What’s that you say, not enough time? You don’t have their snail mail address? We live in a digital age? Got it. But that handwritten note is powerful.
Grease for life’s realities
Relationships are like gears. The mechanic squirts grease in the cogs to minimize the friction and keep things working. Gratitude is the grease for human connections and the stress of life.
Throwing a pity party is easy. Come one come all! Yes, life is stressful. Tough times happen. Life is hard, all the more reason to cultivate a grateful heart.
Stress in the workplace (in life) strains relationships. Whether workplace stress comes from inadequate staffing, low pay, unclear or conflicting job expectations, a lack of teamwork, or a lack of work/life balance (i.e. – life harmony) takes its toll. Gratitude eases the strain as you acknowledge benefits received.
Try it and see
Where is your people challenge; your biggest life challenge? Make a list of what you can be grateful for or appreciate and see what happens.
Name the Person :
Identify the Situation:
I am thankful…
Gratitude is the grease for the stressful connections in life.
It’s more than that
Connie’s note will continue to stand tall on my study desk until I file it. While the Hallmark logo is nice I’ll keep the note because it came from her heart in her own handwriting.
Who will you surprise this week?
Here’s to your spirit of gratitude,
Photo Credit: Mike Byford via Compfight