You cannot always control circumstances, but you can control your own thoughts.  – Charles Popplestown

The opportunity found me and caught me a bit by surprise.

Imagine meal time with nine children. See the brothers, brothers and sisters, and lots of cousins.

That scene was repeated several times during Thanksgiving weekend. Rita and I are blessed with; Maggie our 10 year old, first-born granddaughter; seven grandsons: Nolan – 8, Kalen – 6, Levi – 5, Judah – 5, Max – 4, Salem – 2, and Simon – 2. And, don’t forget Olivia, she is 3 months old … 9 “little people” that amaze me.

Can you imagine the excitement of “living” together for several days at Grandma’s house? How about the energy of boyhood and how eager you might be to finish eating so you can go play?

Imagine being an empty nester.

You get the picture.

Meals are especially different when there are seventeen people to feed instead of two.  It’s much like life – there is a lot of diversity in how we do things.  Not right or wrong, different. Like your place of work or wherever you find people, right?

The Wonder of Relationships

In last week’s article I wrote about the wonder of relationships, the reality of conflict, and the grease of gratitude. If you missed it, it’s a quick read.

How much do I love my grandchildren? More and more.

How much energy do they bring to the table? More and more.

So, when all our Stories converge in time and one place an opportunity for conflict is created. Conflict, is simply a disagreement between people and our individual ideas of what is acceptable or expectations.

Remember the Story: behavior at the table.

What conflict?

If it is possible for a Grandpa and his grandchildren to experience “conflict” how much more with people in roles such as: business partners, department heads, sales/production teams, employer/employees, parents/teen, husband/wife, perhaps mankind and our Creator?

No doubt about it, moments in the Story provide many opportunities to experience this unconscious opposition between immediate but incompatible desires, needs, drives, or impulses … producing a mental struggle.

In some circles it would be called “war”. Have you seen conflict escalate to “war” between people? How about Black Friday shoppers?

Conflict begs for action.

There are two sides, two opinions, two desires, two needs, arriving at the same place at the same time in opposition to one another resulting in tension, disagreement, disengagement between people.

The big question: How do you want to respond?

There are only two responses to relationship conflict:

1.   It seems to be the default setting with most of us: try to exert control. Control involves misguided efforts to limit or restrict somebody or to exercise authority over someone.

In the realm of relationships, control is highly ineffective and costly. How do I know? Think about it: when was the last time you wanted someone to put controls on your freedom?

2.  This second option is what leaders do, but it takes intentionality: to have influence.  At the most basic level leadership is the ability to guide, direct, or influence people. Yes, leadership is influence … with people.

In the realm of relationships – solutions, problem solving, innovation, engagement, productivity, high performance, and enjoyment of life come when we release control in favor of influence.

Conflict presents this question: What do I want in this relationship? Do I want to try and control the other person or to have influence with them?

The solution to conflict requires at least one person’s commitment to achieving influence; that may be all it takes … just your release of control in pursuit of leading.

So at one of those meals, it dawned on me: I could not control my grandchildren. My efforts would be misguided and only add to the “pressure” of the moment if I tried to limit or restrict them or to play the “this is my house” authority card.

What I did have grace enough to see was the opportunity to lead. So I knelt down between Levi and Maggie to get eye level as they were sitting at the table. And I began to ask some questions about “table manners” … I asked for their help … “Who wants to be a leader?” and what that might look like.

You know what, they knew the answers.

What do you hear? What’s your experience?

Who could you forward this to? Or Tweet? Or comment below.

Newly released, available to you and your team, a must have book:

THE PEOPLE PROJECT:

Your Guide to Changing Behavior and Growing Your Influence as a Leader

Order your copy today!

*Quote Source: ThinkExist

Photo by takomabibelot

Recently, one of my clients requested coaching for her front-line employees.

Coaching is always exciting, I love it!  Most of my coaching is done with executives, managers, or business owners.  So this manager’s decision to provide coaching for her staff is a gift to them, the team, the business unit.

After exploring needs and calendars we scheduled their Employee Leadership Development session. I’m excited for them.

Later that evening while walking with my wife, Rita I shared the story. She celebrated with me.  Then, simply asked, “How does it compare to your 1on1 Executive Coaching and Next Level TEAM Coaching?”

Her open-ended question immediately caused me to stop and think.

That’s what a well-framed question does, invites us to stop and think. That’s good.

Her question sent me on a journey. Over the next couple of days my answer came. The answer brings greater clarity and focus to my practice as a certifed executive coach. 

Well-framed questions are powerful.

How do questions help?

The open-ended question is a request for information and designed to help us stop and explore for truth.

1.  Slow things Down

Questions  s l o w   t h i n g s   d o w n; do you ever need protection from knee-jerk re-actions. What might happen if you ask a question before giving away a piece of your mind?

Have you noticed how quickly you can answer a “yes/no” question? However, an open-ended question (those starting with who, what, how, when, where, or why) can interrupt and slow down an emotionally charged conversation.  That’s good.

2.  Demonstrate Respect

How do you react when being told what to do?  Come on, now, what is your typical response to being “told”?

How do you respond when “the boss” seeks your input?  Most of us feel respected when our input is sought through an open-ended quesiton.

 Yes, a well-framed, open-ended question is helpful and powerful.

3.  Create Space

Often if we are to discover truth we need space: time and place to think.  

Creating space is the disciplined use of time and place and resources for reflection on the truth found in the story.  Your story. The story…what factually happened? 

We must slow the pace to create the space required to experience personal development.  To listen to our story. 

There is a time conspiracy – a subversive plot to keep us so busy we don’t have time or a place for thinking, consideration, consistent reflection. 

Why the pursuit of truth in the story?

Truth liberates.

Truth sheds light and opens our minds to possibilities.

What happens if we run from the truth (reality/facts)?  Our growth and potential is hindered; in effect we run from future success.

What is the best predictor of future success is?

The Best Predictor of Future Success is the ability and willingness to learn and change achieved through consistent reflection on truth found in the story.          

– Steve Laswell

Questions help us give careful thought to reality…the facts, when examined, become feedback.  Truth allows us to choose; we can change unproductive behavior, enlarge our influence (leadership), and achieve success…yes, make a difference in the world.

Here are a few questions for fun, pick one and see what happens as you reflect on it…

• If purpose gives birth to the best within us, what are you birthing?
• If “raising the bar” is about the next level…where do you want to raise the bar?
• What is blocking your ability to show up well and expand your influence?
• What do you need to prioritize today in order to achieve your dream?

Questions (open-ended) can help us slow down an emotionally charge conversation, demonstrate respect, and create space to discover solutions.

Rita’s question created an additional coaching service.  That demonstrates the power of a question.

How effective are you in using questions?

How much space do you have in your daily life for reflection?

Would you please forward to ONE friend?

What do you think…comment below; I’d love to hear from you. 

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(A 3 minute, 30 second read)

Change.  

How do you respond to the call or invitation to make a change in your life?

Perhaps you have heard the oft repeated quote of Henry David Thoreau regarding this matter.

Things do not change; we change. 

A rather effective leader in the fight for equal rights for everyone, was King Whitney, Jr. who wrote,

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

Change seems to be one of those things people tend to love or hate. 

• Does our response depend on the source of the suggested change…it’s “their” idea vs. “my” idea?
• Does it depend on how much we care about whatever is being “left behind”?
• Does it depend on how we think about change?

What one thing would you like to change? 

I invite you to take a minute with this question: What one thing would you like to change?

Where would a change in your life bring you greater freedom, peace, joy, success, influence, results…?

Name it:

Now, which of the following best describes your thinking about this journey of change? Fearful, hopeful, or confident? 

Dig a little deeper; if…

• Fearful – What is creating this fear within you about making that specific change?
• Hopeful – How does the thought of making that change encourage you?
• Confident – What gives you faith to believe the best is yet to be, once you make the change?

How will that change happen?

The change I’m asking you to think about is within your authority to bring about; it is about your life.  Making the change will release you to greater success and influence…change within your thinking, behavior, performance.

How do we move from here to there?

Here are four steps associated with The Journey of Change.  See if they make sense to you…

1.  Desire

To me this is more than a simple wish; it is that longing, craving, or yearning. Think chocolate…Snickers. Desire is the beginning place.

What if we lack the desire to make this change?

Get ready for desperation. Only when desperation (pain) exceeds resistance will we move forward, laying aside something “old” for something “new”…are you desperate, yet?

Can you imagine the consequences if you don’t make this change?

Desire fueled by desperation is enhanced by understanding. When we comprehend the benefits of making a change, our desire to make the change will increase. 

Can you imagine the reward once you complete this change?

Desire is the beginning place for change. Desperation and understanding help develop an action-oriented desire.

2.  Discipline

What comes to your mind with the word “discipline”?

In this context, discipline is about “doing”; a systematic method to getting something done.

With adequate desire to make a “change” we must take action; discipline gives us a path or framework for victory.  Often what we need is a commitment to consistency to achieve the desired outcome.

What must you do to arrive at your goal? 

What action is so doable it is laughable; meaning you response to the action step is: “I can do that!” 

Desire leads to doing.

3.  Determination

Significant change in behavior must be supported by determination. Opposition is part of the journey.

Old habits, old ways of thinking, comfort zones, fears, doubt, and natural resistance rise up to defeat The Journey of Change.  Our commitment of will and clarity on why supports the resolve to see it through.

4.  Delight

The personal development, Journey of Change begins with some level of desperation and understanding; we recognize the need.

Desire moves us to Doing; Doing is supported by Determination – until the new behavior becomes a delight.  Positive change brings its own reward, which includes enjoyment and pleasure. (Imagine eating chocolate…Snickers.)

The Journey of Change moves us from fear and resistance to accomplishment and delight including the positive rewards of growth!

 Where are you on the Journey of Change?

Which of the 3 D’s do you need? Desire? Discipline? Determination?

What change have you made in the past that brings you delight today?

    Please feel free to forward…

What do you think…comment below; I’d love to hear from you. 

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Last week’s article started this conversation which is really about

Photo by Wyscan

 managing our lives and constant change. 

This story about being “always connected” continues and will continue as we seek to find and maintain balance, effectiveness, and ourselves. 

Last week’s post led me to re-connect with an “old friend”; yes, of course by e-mail, at first, but in the fight for a more personal connection we agreed to schedule an ancient experience – voice to voice. Here is part of what my friend, Allison wrote…

Hi Steve,

Today was my daughter’s first day of kindergarten. My alarm (on my iPhone) went off at 6 A.M. I was tired and didn’t want to get up, hit the snooze and checked my email. I then proceeded to scan approximately a dozen emails that came in my inbox since 10:00 P.M. last night when I checked it last.  I then began reading your article on over-connectedness and started laughing to myself at the irony of reading this while lying in bed!

Now I’m thinking through your question: “What fear drives this need to be connected 24/7?”

Is it my fear of “not being connected“?

Or, to look at it another way, in my mind about one in seven emails will bring a reward of sorts.

Checking your inbox brings you a sense of being connected when you receive a note from a close friend or an email from an old acquaintance you haven’t heard from in a long time. It’s always fun to open your email and get a good referral or business lead isn’t it? Better yet, it’s exciting to get that email that confirms that the business deal you’ve been working on for several months is a done deal!

Maybe I’m just looking for a “good feeling” or affirmation.

Our family just returned from a week’s vacation in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We didn’t take computers but Bob and I both brought our iPhones. We kept our “smart phone connecting” to a minimum, I think?

I appreciate Allison’s thoughts regarding what can drive this drive to be constantly connected: 1) Reward and 2) Affirmation.  What are you looking for?

Dr Pepper e-Mail Management Plan

After reading my post last week I set out to examine and adjust my compulsive commitment to “over-connectedness”.  Here are my first steps:

Step 1: I turned off 2 of the 4 email accounts coming to my iPhone

Step 2: Explored my “Dr Pepper E-mail Management Plan”.  If you’re not familiar with Dr Pepper’s marketing strategy here is the article Roger Grace wrote in the Metropolitan News-Enterprise, a Los Angles daily paper about Dr Pepper…  

It was in the 1920s that Dr. Walter Eddy at Columbia University studied the body’s metabolism. He discovered that a natural drop in energy occurs about 10:30 a.m., 2:30 p.m. and 4:30 p.m.  But he also discovered that if the people in his research study had something to eat or drink at 10, 2 and 4, the energy slump could be avoided.

After Dr. Eddy’s research findings were released, Dr Pepper challenged its advertising agency to come up with a theme which would suggest that Dr Pepper should be that 10, 2 and 4 drink which would keep the energy level up. The result was one of the most enduring of Dr Pepper’s advertising themes: Drink a bite to eat at 10, 2 and 4.

The Dr. Pepper Company pushed the notion that ingestion of sugar at 10, 2 and 4 was actually something healthful. And, of course, parents would want their children to engage in healthful practices. 

In these days when there’s a push to rid school cafeterias and vending machines of sugar-based products and those high in carbohydrates (which turn into sugar), it’s hard to imagine an ad like the one  appearing in the Sept. 23, 1930 edition of the Port Arthur (Texas) News. It was headed, “One Healthful form of Necessary Nourishment that kids need no coaxing to drink,” and said:

“Little ‘Human dynamos’ run out of ‘juice’ between meals. That’s why they tease for sweets. Sugar is the quickest energy food and Mother Nature knows it. She prompts the appetite. It’s as natural as hunger can be.”

If your kiddies crave sugar, give them as much as they want…but in a form that can’t be abused. Dr. Pepper contains fruit juice for flavor and health…pure sugar for quick-energy supply…and sparkling water for bulk and thirst. No tax on digestion. No ingredients that can possibly harm. The small proportions of sugar to water is a safety-valve against excess.”

How would this “craving” for email be satisfied with 10/2/ 4? Right, not so well; so I thought about adapting it to 8/10/12/2/4/6/8…of course, that left out first thing in the morning and last thing at night!  Seriously? 

“Craving”, what an interesting word to associate with this subject…a strong desire for something.  What do you crave that email seems to supply? Imagine losing your “smart phone”, how would you respond?  Why?

Yes, I’m still working to define an adequate schedule for checking email.

Step 3: I turned off the “you’ve got mail” alert (on my iPhone)

Yes, I recognize these are but a beginning.

The real question: How much space do you have in your life?

As an executive coach I work with people with a lot on their plate. Intensity shows up. Little or no margin in the schedule; not much time left for personal development.

We talk about “Creating Space”; the disciplined use of time, place, and resources to reflect on the story for truth. 

How do you create space in your daily routine?

Reflection allows you to examine your life, your thinking, your performance.  To give careful thought to your behavior and performance.  Creating space allows you to examine the path you are taking and make adjustments in line with your purpose, passion, and values.

Measure your life, it just does not have room for so much.                                                                                                - Seneca

What would be the benefit to you if you create space in your life?

What happens if we fail to create space?

This “Creating Space” for consistent reflection is the secret to personal growth.

The best predictor of sustainable success is the ability and willingness to learn and change achieved through consistent reflection on the story for truth.

-Steve Laswell

A failure to create space leaves us stuck in life.  Performance suffers, next level success is sacrificed.  Your experience of life lived with purpose and passion while making a difference in the world will be limited.  Your health, mental, emotional, and spiritual well being, your relationships will suffer unless you give yourself this gift of consistent reflection.

Allison closed her email by writing…

I don’t think I’ve really said anything here significant. I’m pondering all of this because I find this phenomenon extremely interesting, as if we’re witnessing something that has never happened before in our lifetime.

Does this sound dramatic? Maybe so, but I see it stealing away our relationships to some degree. It’s the great paradox. Everyone thinks they are “more connected” with computers and smart phones. Texting and Facebook keep us all in touch with more people. Could more be less? Less faces, more aloneness.

Now I will stop. I’m beginning to sound like Steve Laswell.

How are you managing your technological connections? 

What do you think?

For further reading: some other interesting articles if you want dig deeper:

• Wall Street Journal book review of Hamlet’s BlackBerry -“To Tweet or Not to Tweet”
• Scientists are studying this; check out The New York Times, Your Brain and Computers: “Outdoors and Out of Reach, Studying the Brain”   

It was a primitive trip with a sophisticated goal: to understand how heavy use of digital devices and other technology changes how we think and behave, and how a retreat into nature might reverse those effects.

• Regarding multitasking ““First Steps to Digital Detox” posted on The New York Times – Room for Debate blog

New research is showing that such immersion can cause multitaskers to have more fractured thinking and trouble shutting out irrelevant information, and that even when they are offline, those problems persist. A lot of Americans feel stress from juggling too much incoming information, but have to be online for work.

What are some strategies for unplugging from the demand of digital devices? Is there such a thing as too much multitasking?

Again, please comment below; I’d love to hear from you.

How are you accelerating your personal success?  

The Next Level Journey is about finding a path to maintain your personal success.  This article completes a 3-part series answering this important question: how do you accelerate success when the pace of life does not support the personal development?  

There’s no question about it, most of us are living a frantic lifestyle.

There is price to be paid for this pace.  It shows up in the decline of health, lack of direction, out-of-balance work-life, excessive stress, and relationship strain. 

Principle #1:

The way to accelerate personal growth is to slow life down.

Once you make begin to “slow life down”, you must choose to support your personal growth; this leads to principle two.

Principle #2:

Life requires consistent reflection to be productive

The pace of life stands in direct opposition to your practice of this success supporting discipline of consistent reflection. 

Let me repeat and encourage you to consider this statement:

“The Best Predictor of Continued Success is the ability and willingness to learn and change achieved through consistent reflection on your Story.”

                                                       -Steve Laswell

As you slow the pace down and engage your head and heart in consistent reflection on your story  (i.e. – feedback, experience, success, and failure) you position yourself for continued success.  

Now, Principle #3:

Creating space supports success in all of life.

Space includes both a period of time and a place to fit something in.  To create is to bring something into existence.  To create space means you make room in your schedule for an appointment with yourself with the goal to listen to your story, the events of your day, week, month, year…life.

What’s that you say?  You don’t have time.

Benno Schmidt, Jr. took over as president of Yale in 1986. I like what he said about creating space and leadership…

“If I can’t put my feet on the desk and look out the window and think without an agenda, I might be managing Yale, but I will not be leading it.”

Yale University Campus

Let’s just say, you are the president of Your Life.  Without time and place to give careful thought to the Story you may be “managing life”, but are you “leading it”? 

If you are not leading your life who or what is?

Creating space supports leadership development.  Truth, the facts or reality come to liberate us from limiting behaviors. Then, with improved performance comes better results . . . success happens. 

What goes into “creating space”?

1. Time
2. Place
3. Resources

What do I mean by “resources”?  It can be any of the following or a combination thereof:

• Asking yourself open-ended questions
• Reading daily in a helpful book
• Talking with an objective friend
• Using a certified coach
• Writing in your journal
• Practicing a deep breathing
• Sending a smile to your face
• Laughing out loud…fake it till you make it
• Silence – quiet the voices, turn off the gadgets
• Listen
• Your story…that meeting, conversation, decision, experience, feedback, success, and failure

Creating space – time & place for reflective thinking and writing allows you to reconsider previous actions, events, decisions, feedback, experience, success, or failure…the Story.

What is your reward for consistent reflection on the Story?

Freedom. Growth. Success in life. 

How much time do you have or want in your daily or weekly schedule for consistent reflection?

What’s doable?  It can be 5 or 10 minutes, it will make a difference.

What you think? Do you like this post?

Please leave your comment about this post on the comment section below.  Would you forward to a friend or tweet it?

Thanks for reading The People Project blog.

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How does taking responsibility lead to success? 

In the current Harvard Business Review interview Howard Schultz of Starbucks fame spoke of his return as CEO.  The article “We Had to Own the Mistakes” by Adi Ignatius begins:

By the time Howard Schultz stepped down as chief executive of Starbucks, in 2000, the coffee chain was one of the world’s most recognizable brands—and on a steady trajectory of growth. Eight years later Starbucks was suffering from a rough economy and its own strategic missteps, and Schultz felt compelled to return to the CEO seat. His previous tenure had seen promising growth, but now he faced a challenging mission: to lead a turnaround of the company he had built. 

HBR: We thought we knew the Howard Schultz story. You had a vision, built a successful company, and moved on. But then Starbucks ran into trouble, and two years ago you had to return as CEO. How hard has it been to get things right?

Schultz: The past two years have been transformational for the company and, candidly, for me personally. When I returned, in January 2008, things were actually worse than I’d thought. The decisions we had to make were very difficult, but first there had to be a time when we stood up in front of the entire company as leaders and made almost a confession—that the leadership had failed the 180,000 Starbucks people and their families. And even though I wasn’t the CEO, I had been around as chairman; I should have known more. I am responsible. We had to admit to ourselves and to the people of this company that we owned the mistakes that were made. Once we did, it was a powerful turning point. It’s like when you have a secret and get it out: The burden is off your shoulders.  [Emphasis added]

When a person acts responsibly they assume accountability for where they are along the journey of life.  Personal authority is accepted regarding one’s life which leads to improved decision-making.  A sense of ownership is required.

How do you know if you are not taking full responsibility? 

Listen to your words.

When you hear yourself blaming, complaining, excuse-making, or taking on a victim-view this indicates you are avoiding responsibility.  Think of these as indicators or a “yellow light” urging you to slow down and STOP.

• Stop and Breathe (Yes, take that deep, cleansing breath now)
• Think about what you are thinking:
  • Who am I blaming for this situation?
  • Why am I complaining…really?
  • How am I making excuses for what’s going on in my life right now?
  • What affect is this feeling of helplessness having on me?  Why do I think I’m a victim in this situation?
• Open yourself to other viewpoints using questions
• Probe for truth

Instead of blaming, complaining, excuse-making, or assuming a victim mentality when you stop, own it,  and look for truth in the story you will gain freedom to choose your future. 

If you take responsibility for your past then you can take charge of your future.  The alternative is to leave it in the hands of your past.  Much like forgiveness, taking responsibility frees you to move forward.  Taking responsibility for your life releases hope for tomorrow.

In the case of Starbuck’s CEO this is a loyalty building strategy for all their customers: the internal (employees) and external (consumers) customers.  

Taking the story at face value, it is refreshing to hear Howard Schultz living this principle.  Listen to him testify to the effectiveness: “…it was a powerful turning point.”

What a payoff for accepting responsibility!

Where do you want to accept responsibility?

Photo by Alex E. Promimos

How do you stop making assumptions about others?

Last week, I was in Cincinnati for the annual Sherpa Coaching Conference as part of my re-certification.  The group was large enough and the schedule full enough that it was impossible to connect with everyone.  I only knew a few people.

After the conference, I grabbed a bite to eat at the airport with a coaching friend from Dallas.  As we finished our meal, another coach entered the restaurant.  The past few days I observed this coach but an assumption kept me from connecting…until that moment.  During that “last chance to connect conversation” I discovered a great person. Her story is amazing.

As I reflected on the incident, I felt the affect of making assumptions. How about you, do ever make assumptions?

How do assumptions get us in trouble? 

Assumptions are made when you think you know something and accept it as true without verifying it.  Assumptions show up when we take something for granted without proof. 

The primary characteristic of an assumption is this lack of verification or proof. 

What is the affect of making an assumption?

1. Deception – you believe something to be true that is not
2. Bondage – you lose an opportunity to make a decision based on truth

On the other hand, how does judgment help us make wise decisions? 

Judgment has to do with forming an opinion after consideration, observation, or the pursuit of truth.  This leadership ability to form a sound opinion and make sound decisions is significantly different than making assumptions.

We know that judgment can refer to a decision handed down by a court of law or a judge.  In this case, a decision is reached after considerable examination of the facts. 

What is the affect of exercising judgment?

1. Discernment – you form a sound opinion and make better decisions
2. Freedom – you are able to act and live intentionally, less reactive

What does it take to exercise judgment over making assumptions?

You must create space.  By that I mean you must make time to pursue the truth of The Story.  Making assumptions is a limiting behavior driven by first impressions, jumping to conclusions, and a closed thought process.  Exercising judgment is a success oriented behavior driven by self-awareness, reflection, and open mindedness. 

What is the one thing that will help you manage the assumption trap?

Ask questions.  My coaching mantra is this:  “Ask more, Tell less, Teach when you can.”  Ask open-ended questions; challenge your assumption by asking:

• Why do I believe this?
• How do I know this to be true?
• What am I basing my conclusion on?
• How are my filters impacting my ability to see this person? Situation?

The business of life is people.  A lot of people problems and lost opportunities are tied to this limiting behavior of making assumptions. 

Slow it down.  Check your thinking.  Ask questions.  

The reward is worth the effort. 

If it had not been for my “second chance” I would have lost the opportunity to connect with another person.  By the way, my peer gave me feedback about my conference presentation that was both affirming and encouraging. 

To think, I almost lost that gift because of a limiting behavior: making an assumption.

What assumptions do you make about others?  What is that costing you?

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How can being ethical be kept simple?  What’s the secret?

Randy was an account executive I hired when serving as GSM of the top-billing radio station in Oklahoma City.  Over the years, we kept in touch after I moved to another market and radio group.  Our re-connecting recently increased. 

One particular day, he was re-telling the story of his start in radio (I hired him). When he referenced one of my “sayings”.  It’s simple. It speaks to integrity and being an ethical person.  Being ethical…is it really that complicated?

So Randy reminded how that saying had stuck with him all these years.  Who knew?  What’s the saying?

“Do the right thing. For the right reasons. Get the right results.”

That’s it, “The Secret to Ethical Leadership”.  Simple, if not always easy.

What is right? 

Let’s think in terms of what is proper, best, healthy, morally good, accurate or consistent with reality, the facts, or general beliefs.  When something is right it could be the usual, expected or a desirable action that will benefit others.

Do the right thing.  Seriously, when have you had a decision – that involved moral conduct or acceptable standards – where you could NOT figure out what the right thing to do was?  Doing the right thing deals with words and actions…behavior, conduct, what you do.

What do I think is the right thing?  Why do I think what am I about to say or do is the right thing?  Is this the “right thing” to do in light of the other person, my values, my priorities…?

Do the right thing. For the right reasons.  Now this involves motive; how you explain or justify the action you are about to take.  What is your “reason”?

Why am I thinking about doing this? What is true?  How am I showing up in this situation?  Where might I be deceived or self-deceived?  What assumptions am I making? How will “this” play out with the other person, the customer, the company?

Do the right thing. For the right reasons. Get the right results.  Recently I shared this “Secret to Ethical Leadership” in a break-out sessions with a group of accounting and financial employees of a Fortune 200 company.  One gentleman wanted to argue this statement.  I understand.  The good guys don’t always seem to “win”.  For this to make sense, we must dig a little deeper.

A result can be a consequence or desired outcome that follows another action.  If you narrowly define right result as “closing the sale” or “getting the promotion” or “winning the argument” or “hitting budget” or “getting your way” then you will struggle with the secret.

But what happens when you do the right thing, for the right reason and it involves NOT closing the deal because it was not best for the customer?  Will you get the right result?  That may depend on a couple of things:

1. Your thinking – is it short term or long term?
2. Your focus – is it on self or others?
3. Your goal – is it to make the month or to maintain a long term client relationship?

I appreciate what Melissa Raffoni writes on Harvard Business Review’s blog The Conversation:

Is it really so hard to figure out what it means to be an ethical leader?

I’ve heard a lot of pontificating on the subject, but at the end of the day, I keep coming back to the same two takeaways: Do the right thing. And use good business judgment.

Doing the right thing and using good business judgment means embodying simple human values such as being polite, constructive, and honest and doing your personal best. It also means respecting that you represent your company and must act in a manner that’s consistent with its corporate expectations and policies. If you’re still having trouble with this concept, just think about the people you don’t like doing business with, and do the opposite of whatever they do. 

That’s it, “The Secret to Ethical Leadership”…thanks Randy for the story.                                                                

Do the right thing.  For the right reasons. Get the right results.

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How optimistic are you, not about 2010, but your role?

 On January 1, New York City swore Mayor Michael Bloomberg in for an unprecedented third term as mayor.  According to the Associated Press the mayor “…sought to strike a humble tone Friday as he began his third term by promising “to listen and to lead” and to take a fresh look at the challenges facing the city.”

According to Wikipedia, New York City’s 2008, estimated population exceeds 8.3 million people, with a land area of 305 square miles.  Can we say densely populated?

Imagine the challenges.  What does it take to lead such a city?  According to former Mayor Rudy Giuliani, “Leaders need to be optimists. Their vision is beyond the present.”

Mayor Bloomberg’s perspective says much when he said,

“I’ve got the greatest job in the world. There’s no other job in government where cause and effect is so tightly coupled where you can make a difference every day in so many different ways and in so many different people’s lives. It’s a great challenge.” 

Optimism is in the headlines; many are eager and ready to leave 2009 behind and step into both the new decade and New Year.  A Google search for “Optimism 2010” returned about 4,890,000 results today. 

Writing headlines about optimism and living as an optimistic leader are two different matters.  What does it mean to live with optimism? 

• Optimism is freedom.  You have the power to choose; how will you control your thoughts?  John Maxwell’s take on the impact of our thinking is helpful at this point.  Consider how… 
  • Your thinking impacts what your beliefs
  • What you believe impacts what you expect
  • What you expect impacts your attitude
  • Your attitude impacts your behavior
  • Your behavior becomes your performance
  • Your performance influences your life.

•  Optimism is a habit.  An optimist is a person who consistently expects a favorable outcome.  Optimism is about disposition…your usual mood. 

• Optimism exercises faith. While reality is about all that exists or happens (good or bad) an optimist believes the best is yet to be.  Faith is one’s belief in or trust in somebody or something, especially without proof.  Faith allows you to make decisions based on what you believe your principles.  The word optimism comes from the Latin for “best”.  Vince Lombardi noted, “It’s easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you’re a winner, when you’re number one. What you’ve got to have is faith and discipline when you’re not yet a winner.”

• Optimism is about expectations. Optimism focuses on the best possible outcome or the most positive aspects of a situation.  An optimistic leader habitually expects a favorable outcome.  This is guided by a proper setting of expectations:
  • Concise, well thought out, realistic expectations
  • Clear communication with all parties
  • Ownership and commitment by key players
  • Consequences of both execution or failure
  • Coaching others through obstacles as they arise

Here are questions to help guide your reflection this week . . .

1. How do you leverage your freedom to control your thoughts and cultivate optimism?
2. How does your current thinking influence your beliefs about “that situation”? What about on your expectations…attitude…behavior…performance?
3. How does what you think need to change for you to be optimistic?
4. What most often stands in your way of expecting the best possible outcome?
5. What keeps you from emphasizing the most positive aspects of a situation?
6. How well do you set expectations?  How do you know that to be true?

Leadership is a privilege that carries a tremendous load that today requires a depth of optimism.  In Bloomberg’s inauguration speech he said, “This term is a special opportunity, one that comes with extraordinary responsibilities.” 

 Such is the journey of an optimistic leader.

 Here’s to your next level —

What best describes your worldview on leadership: is it a gift or a game?

Over the weekend I heard my friend, Jon Middendorf speak in Oklahoma City.  His message was a great question: “Is life a game or a gift?”  As I reflected on this question I began to connect it the life of a leader.

What happens when leadership becomes a game? 

I was struck by the following found on Games Information Depot regarding the rules for the board game LIFE. 

The main thing that you need to know is that the game of Life has changed a lot over the years. The fact of the matter is that as the world has changed, this board game has been kept up to date as well. This has gone a long way in making Life an enjoyable game for everybody who plays it…

As the years go by, the rules that govern Life are going to change. But instead of worrying about the future, play the version of the game that you have with the rules that are outlined for you. Each game comes with a rule booklet that will help you to get started if you are struggling.

Did you notice the implications for today’s leader in those paragraphs? 

Consider. . .

• Life has changed a lot over the years
• “Old school” is out core skills (“people skills”) are in (“…the world has changed”)
• Your growth as a leader is critical to your success (keeping up to date)
• When you are growing it makes work more enjoyable for everyone around you
• Life is changing so fast worrying about the future will take you out of enjoying today
• When you struggling tap into your support system (“…help you to get started…”)

According to Merriam-Webster the word game comes from the Old High German for amusement.  By definition then a game is any activity undertaken or regarded as a contest involving rivalry, strategy, or struggle.

“Any activity” could be your business.  It could be your leadership approach.    

How would thinking about leadership, as a “game”, impact your leadership?

If being a leader is viewed as a game your company, your business, your department will be impacted.  So, on a scale of 1 to 6 how would you rank your experience as a leader?

(1= Never; 6=Most of the time)

• Work is a contest; the mentality has become “us vs. them” within or with your team
• You wear your game face; who you really are is being lost in the intensity
• The game plan is pushing back against your values, ethics, truth, character, relationships
• The players (people) are pawns you use in your effort to win
• Mind games are employed to manipulate, intimidate or confuse others
• The focus of the game is on who loses; so self preservation takes over
• The name of the game has subtly shifted from purpose, passion, and mission
• The scoreboard has people “kissing up” to you or you kissing up
• Work is a shell game; what has little value is replacing what you once valued highly

What do you see or hear in your answers?  What concerns you the most…?

Now, what happens when you accept your leadership as a gift? 

According to Merriam-Webster the word gift comes from the Old English meaning to give.  A gift is something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation.  

What does it take to embrace leadership as a gift to be received and nurtured?  

Consider these three responses.  Each one will help keep you be a leader people want to follow. 

1. Humility – unchecked pride suggests a successful leader is “self-made”.  Really?  Of course you have personal responsibility and commitments to develop yourself but humility allows you to acknowledge the investment of others in your life, as well.  
2. Appreciation – the very nature of “leadership as a game” can lead to devaluing others.  Showing appreciation for the support and contribution of others with your words and actions is powerful and important.  Remember your ability to lead is a cultivated gift. Appreciation is about assigning true value to your greatest asset…people in your world.
3.  Gratitude – beyond appreciation this is expressing thanks for what others do to contribute to the success of your company, organization, department, the project…your success. 

So what happens when you see leadership as a gift and not a game? 

• You see the people and lead accordingly
• Your followership increases
• Your influence is extended
• Performance improves

What best describes your worldview on leadership: is it a gift or a game?

For additional reflection:

1. Who has had or is having a significant impact on your leadership development?  Do they know it? 
2. How do you show appreciation to others for their contribution to your success?
3. The pace of life seeks to hinder the expression of gratitude.  How will you “say thanks” today to people making things happen day in day out?